Making Changes

For the past couple of weeks I haven't posted on here, cause I wasn't sure what to post. I've had a lot mulling around in my head. Revisions, pen names, up coming conferences, friendships, work, and how the hell do I figure out how to make the work hard play hard actually a reality. Well guess what my dear readers. I've finally settled on a few things.

1. It's more important to take care of yourself and your friendships than getting in those few pages. As much as I love pursuing writing, it's just as important to find time to refresh your mental state and to keep up the relationships around you. Know what that means? I've made time to catch up with close friends. Making sure that they know I'm still here while I'm working on making dreams into a reality.

2. I'm so excited for RT Booklovers conference to see all my writer friends. To be in a place that no matter where I look there are like minded people. We are book lovers. We are writers. We are readers. We are coffee addicts. And we are all one of a kind nutty.

3. I've settled on a pen name. I'd like to introduce myself....Emery Aiden. Over the next few weeks I will be working on changing all my social media and creating a website that will be all fancy like.

4. Making major changes to a manuscript is hard. Which might be why I like first drafts. Cause anything can happen while you're writing. Revisions means you have to dig deep in the manuscript and if one thing changes it's a domino affect, you have to make sure it changes everything through out the book to make sure that it still makes sense in the end. Still I wouldn't change one thing about it. If it wasn't hard, then you wouldn't feel like it was worth it all the hard work when you finally have the finished product in your hands.

Well that's it for now. So, keep an eye out for the next few weeks for a new website, change of name in my Twitter, and maybe eventually even a fan page on Facebook so that I can keep you all updated on what Emery Aiden is up to.

Shifting of priorities

With the last month almost over and having taken most of the month off from writing it's time to get back to it. I know I've talked in the past about finding a life balance between work and play, and that it's important to take a mini break every once and a while to refuel your creativity, I am only realizing how true that is.

I've had a long conversation with my mother that helped put things into perspective. We both don't put ourselves and fun anywhere close to the top five of our top priorities. We put work, family, friends, and all the other important things in our lives first. And it's only now in the later side of my mothers life that she is starting to even attempt to put herself on that top five list. It took me until the last few years to really get to know my mother and all the things that she has done and I'm realizing just how much respect I have for her. For those that know my back story my life wasn't the easiest with family. We love each other very much but it was a lot of hardships with divorced parents, and while there are a lot of regrets it's now as an adult that we are moving on. We are getting to know who we each are. And that the hardships only helped shape the strong woman that I am now. But here's the big thing that I picked up, you have to work your ass off to get to where you want to be in life.

We didn't have the luxury to take a lot of vacations or do many fun things but we still found some time to take care of us. Now as an adult the fight for everything you want in life and work your ass off is taking over my life. The finding time to have fun is personally the hardest thing to do.

Writing is fun. Reading is fun. These are things that I do to relax and escape the real world. But here's the slap in the face, it's WORK. These are things that I've turned into a job that I love doing but it's still work. This month I found fun. I found that I need to find the time to put in with friends that don't have me thinking about the other things that I should be doing. I went and got a massage. I went and sat in a steam room and sauna full of other naked women and didn't once think about the work I should be doing. Ok, I did think about a few good story ideas that could come from that experience of being in a bathhouse, but still I relaxed.

So, now that I'm antsy to get back to writing. Along with fighting off all the insecurities that come with it, I think I'm ready to put the effort into making me a priority. The funny thing is that it might be harder to do then finding time to write. But hey I've always like a good challenge. Why not make this one even more important that any other one that I have.

With that being said things have once again shifted. Shifted for the better I hope. Along with that it means that I've removed the release date of my debut. Don't worry readers. I haven't given up my goals. I'm still going to release it this year. I've just had to take reality into part of what I'm doing. Before I didn't take reality into consideration. You know what? I'm not panicing about it. For the first I feel confident that I can make it all happen. As soon as I have the official details I'll tell them. But this is why I haven't announced a date. When I do I'm going to keep it. I have to keep it. Until then I will only dangle teasing information to you all.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to dive head first into writing. I've missed it and I want to get some done before the rest of my priority list kicks me in the face to pay it attention. Till next week my lovely readers. I hope to have something else to talk about other than struggles of being a writer. Not that I'd change anything. :)

Deep Healing Breaths

The phrase, 'deep healing breaths', has been said in my family for as long as I can remember and I still use it today. What does it mean? And why do I say it? Well, life is full of stress and anxiety and can be overwhelming at times. Deep healing breaths is a reminder to take a second to relax. To fill your lungs with new fresh air and breathe out all the stress that seems to radiate through our lives. With working a full time day job on top of writing with every minute I can. If not writing, then thinking about it along with everything that goes along with the self publishing process. Needless to say there is more than enough to worry about. Deep healing breathes may only be a small relaxation technique, but it's also a reminder that we all need to relax more.

So, with last weekend being my birthday I took the weekend off and relaxed. Not only relaxed but was able to not worry about what I should have been doing, working. Then the work week happened and the evil stress monster came back with a vengeance to get my shoulders up to my ears with tension.

With the not so subtle nudging by a co-worker to spoil myself, to truly relax, and book myself a massage. Let's just say that it was one of the best decisions I've made in a long time. As well as a smack in the face that I need to do a better job of balancing a work, play, a social life, and the big one, relaxation.

That being said I'm determined not to burn myself out before I even have my career going full force as a writer. So, take the time to do more than deep healing breaths. Spoil yourself every now and again. It will be more refreshing for your creativity then you will realize.

With a deep healing breath I will dive in to making sure that I renew my creativity. To take advantage of true relaxation. Of living a life that can balance out the workaholic that drives me to reach my dreams. Cause without those deep healing breaths we will be a big bundle of nerves that will end up being miserable.

Still happy as a clam after last nights massage, I'm going to enjoy a classic film I've never seen on the big screen at my local theater. That's right Labyrinth. And after that some writing to top off a nice night of game night with the roomies.

Remember deep healing breaths, take time for yourself and keep chasing those dreams to make them a reality. I know after this weekend I will be making sure to do this far more often then I have done in the past.

Happy Birthday

For many Birthday's are a reminder of getting older. For me while birthdays haven't always been the best in the world, it's a time to celebrate. To celebrate the things that you've done. To celebrate that you've survived another year. To celebrate the things to come. And to set goals for the upcoming year. It's a new beginning. A New Years 2.0 so to speak. Which like the real New Years has the possibility of disaster.

But that's no way to look at it. I'm excited to get older. Excited to see what my late 20s will bring me. Will it be easy? Hell to the no, but what is life is worth having ever easy.

So, as I take the weekend off of writing, ok, I'm going to try to still get in a few sentences in here and there, I'm going to enjoy the weekend of birthday relaxation and all around tomfullery.

Am I upset that some of my friends can't make it out for drinks? Hell no. We all have things in life that come up, but I'm going to celebrate none the less. Cause let's be honest if you can't celebrate the small things then what is there to celebrate.

That all being said join me in a happy dance of making it through another year and for all the exciting times that the next year has to offer.

Play me a song, DJ

One thing that I can almost guarantee that I have going while I'm plugging away at my computer while trying to stay focused on my writing is to have my headphones on and music playing. Even when I'm at home I still put on my headphones to block out the world around me. Odd? Maybe, but it works for me. A lot of writers have there own rituals but this is one of mine. Along with doing the cliché writer thing and sit at a coffee shop with my laptop and overpriced coffee.

Not quite knowing what to post about this weekend I figured I'd share a playlist that I put together of random songs that I listen to while writing. I don't always listen to the same songs, but here are a few of the songs that I find repeatedly listening to. Yes, I even added a few guilty pleasure songs as well. Let's see which you can guess those are.

Without further ado, here is my writing playlist. I hope you enjoy.

Relit Spark

Last weekend I talked about getting notes back from my editor and that combination of both rational and irrational fear of wanting to read all her notes on what how we can make the core of the story of my manuscript better. Why I say both rational and irrational is because it's understandable to fear what someone is going to think of something that you have spent more ours working on then most people do on a project. Many people compare their manuscripts to babies. In a sense that's true. And no one likes to hear bad things about their babies.

Then why is that same fear irrational? Because me, as a writer, needs exactly what this editor and all editors offer us, constructive criticisms on how to make your manuscript the best it can be. Thus the excitement of having fresh eyes to help refresh that spark inside you that made you love the story to begin with. That spark is intoxicating and the reason why authors love writing new story ideas which can create the black hole of new stories without finishing a book. Anyways, I digress, editor notes are exciting.

It took me a all day to get the courage finally open up the file that in reality proved why my original fear of having my manuscript be torn apart as 100% irrational. Everything said I found my self nodding in agreement with. Ok there were a few things that at first I didn't agree with but after talking it over realized what was really being said only to find myself doing the "doh, okay you're totally right." Everything that was said was perfectly verbalized what I couldn't have say myself.

I'd personally hit that wall where i didn't know how to fix it. I knew something was wrong with the manuscript. I just couldn't see the specifics. My editor found that. No need for my fears, there was no ripping my manuscript apart. No telling me that I shouldn't be writing. Nope only good critics on what wasn't working and possible ways on how to make it better. I didn't know how I'd feel about what would be said. Guess what? I can't stop smiling. Who knew?

So many things need to be redone and fixed. You know what? I'm not terrified. You'd think that with that first irrational/rational fear that I might still be scared, but I'm not. I'm super excited. There's a lot that needs to be fixed. Things that will take a lot of time. Still that doesn't scare me.

Let's do it! Let's take that once upon a time fear and keep that spark going riding it to the end. There are still going to be downs. There's always going to be more downs. It's about finding that spark again no matter how much it might seem like it's hiding. Let's do this! Let's dive into these revisions like there is no tomorrow.

One more step forward....

Today is the day. The day that I actually open up the edits and critique from my editor on my contemporary romance manuscript. While she, my editor, had sent it to me earlier in the week I had made a bet with a coworker that I could wait to open the files until after work on Friday. All for a cup of coffee. What can I say Starbucks adds up after a while and when in the end we both need a good cup of coffee we will take that bet. And guess what. I won, so he's buying this round.

Why didn't I open my edits before this weekend when that's all I've been dying to do sinceI sent my manuscript to my editor? Well, I say it's so that I do throw myself into the edits, not getting any sleep, and thus distracting myself while i'm at the day job making it impossible to get any work done that I actually get paid to do. I'll let you in a on a little bit of a secrete. That excuse is exactly that. An excuse. A copout to avoid the realization of a big fear that all writers have. Especially in the beginning and I'm sure will stick around later on in our careers. It's the fear that you work. That manuscript that is a piece of yourself that you bleed over might not be fixable. That there is no way that it is good enough to even spend the time editing.

I'll let you in on another secrete. While that is a reasonable fear, it's totally irrational. No matter how much you realize that there is no reason to believe that. That if you are willing to put in the time and effort into it there is no such thing as unable to fix it. There is no, this work is so bad that you should trash the idea. Cause in the end it's all fixable. It's just different degrees of what you need to do before you are able to push that wonderful publish button.

So, here I am at my desk instead of at the coffee shop I frequent on weekends to write, with the files open but hiding behind the internet browser as I type this blog and I'm over thinking it. As much as I tell myself that i realize that the fears I have are reasonable but irrational yet with the contradiction of the excitement of finally being able to take that next step forward to getting my manuscript published, and I can't make myself look.

I'm seriously yelling at myself to do it. Yet I've done pretty much almost everything that needs to be done as procrastination first. Desk is clean, though don't look anywhere else but the desk cause that's a mess. I have my corkboard at the ready to post notes of what needs to be changed so I have easy reference while I type. I have pens, post it notes, index cards, coffee consumed and now this blog being written. And for what? To post pone the ineffable.

I know that I've chosen the right edit on this project. Everything she has to say is constructive. Not to tear my work or myself as a newbie author down, but to help reshape my work, my newbie knowledge into something that is worth people reading over and over again. She is a master at what she does. She is that missing puzzle piece that i need to help make my work complete. Ok that might not be the best metaphor but you get the point.

The point is that having a good editor is the goal. Having the notes on what you can't see is wrong but know in your gut is there. So why am I freaking myself out over this? Cause we are all human.

And cause I refuse to let my fears rule me, I'm going to dive into the edits today. I'm going to read over her notes, write them down on index cards and make a game plan into something that isn't quite as intimadating as all the notes open and your manuscript on your desktop. One thing that is just as important, or is to me at least, is to not over think it as well as not jumping in too fast and making changes that in the end don't feel right. Measure twice, cut once. That's my plan. A doable one at that.

Today is the day. That first real moment in my writing career where I realize that this is it. I am a "real" writer. I've taken that next step to not turn around running cause that dream of being published is becoming a reality. As scary as it is, I can't wait for more today is the day moments.