Making Changes

For the past couple of weeks I haven't posted on here, cause I wasn't sure what to post. I've had a lot mulling around in my head. Revisions, pen names, up coming conferences, friendships, work, and how the hell do I figure out how to make the work hard play hard actually a reality. Well guess what my dear readers. I've finally settled on a few things.

1. It's more important to take care of yourself and your friendships than getting in those few pages. As much as I love pursuing writing, it's just as important to find time to refresh your mental state and to keep up the relationships around you. Know what that means? I've made time to catch up with close friends. Making sure that they know I'm still here while I'm working on making dreams into a reality.

2. I'm so excited for RT Booklovers conference to see all my writer friends. To be in a place that no matter where I look there are like minded people. We are book lovers. We are writers. We are readers. We are coffee addicts. And we are all one of a kind nutty.

3. I've settled on a pen name. I'd like to introduce myself....Emery Aiden. Over the next few weeks I will be working on changing all my social media and creating a website that will be all fancy like.

4. Making major changes to a manuscript is hard. Which might be why I like first drafts. Cause anything can happen while you're writing. Revisions means you have to dig deep in the manuscript and if one thing changes it's a domino affect, you have to make sure it changes everything through out the book to make sure that it still makes sense in the end. Still I wouldn't change one thing about it. If it wasn't hard, then you wouldn't feel like it was worth it all the hard work when you finally have the finished product in your hands.

Well that's it for now. So, keep an eye out for the next few weeks for a new website, change of name in my Twitter, and maybe eventually even a fan page on Facebook so that I can keep you all updated on what Emery Aiden is up to.

Shifting of priorities

With the last month almost over and having taken most of the month off from writing it's time to get back to it. I know I've talked in the past about finding a life balance between work and play, and that it's important to take a mini break every once and a while to refuel your creativity, I am only realizing how true that is.

I've had a long conversation with my mother that helped put things into perspective. We both don't put ourselves and fun anywhere close to the top five of our top priorities. We put work, family, friends, and all the other important things in our lives first. And it's only now in the later side of my mothers life that she is starting to even attempt to put herself on that top five list. It took me until the last few years to really get to know my mother and all the things that she has done and I'm realizing just how much respect I have for her. For those that know my back story my life wasn't the easiest with family. We love each other very much but it was a lot of hardships with divorced parents, and while there are a lot of regrets it's now as an adult that we are moving on. We are getting to know who we each are. And that the hardships only helped shape the strong woman that I am now. But here's the big thing that I picked up, you have to work your ass off to get to where you want to be in life.

We didn't have the luxury to take a lot of vacations or do many fun things but we still found some time to take care of us. Now as an adult the fight for everything you want in life and work your ass off is taking over my life. The finding time to have fun is personally the hardest thing to do.

Writing is fun. Reading is fun. These are things that I do to relax and escape the real world. But here's the slap in the face, it's WORK. These are things that I've turned into a job that I love doing but it's still work. This month I found fun. I found that I need to find the time to put in with friends that don't have me thinking about the other things that I should be doing. I went and got a massage. I went and sat in a steam room and sauna full of other naked women and didn't once think about the work I should be doing. Ok, I did think about a few good story ideas that could come from that experience of being in a bathhouse, but still I relaxed.

So, now that I'm antsy to get back to writing. Along with fighting off all the insecurities that come with it, I think I'm ready to put the effort into making me a priority. The funny thing is that it might be harder to do then finding time to write. But hey I've always like a good challenge. Why not make this one even more important that any other one that I have.

With that being said things have once again shifted. Shifted for the better I hope. Along with that it means that I've removed the release date of my debut. Don't worry readers. I haven't given up my goals. I'm still going to release it this year. I've just had to take reality into part of what I'm doing. Before I didn't take reality into consideration. You know what? I'm not panicing about it. For the first I feel confident that I can make it all happen. As soon as I have the official details I'll tell them. But this is why I haven't announced a date. When I do I'm going to keep it. I have to keep it. Until then I will only dangle teasing information to you all.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to dive head first into writing. I've missed it and I want to get some done before the rest of my priority list kicks me in the face to pay it attention. Till next week my lovely readers. I hope to have something else to talk about other than struggles of being a writer. Not that I'd change anything. :)

Deep Healing Breaths

The phrase, 'deep healing breaths', has been said in my family for as long as I can remember and I still use it today. What does it mean? And why do I say it? Well, life is full of stress and anxiety and can be overwhelming at times. Deep healing breaths is a reminder to take a second to relax. To fill your lungs with new fresh air and breathe out all the stress that seems to radiate through our lives. With working a full time day job on top of writing with every minute I can. If not writing, then thinking about it along with everything that goes along with the self publishing process. Needless to say there is more than enough to worry about. Deep healing breathes may only be a small relaxation technique, but it's also a reminder that we all need to relax more.

So, with last weekend being my birthday I took the weekend off and relaxed. Not only relaxed but was able to not worry about what I should have been doing, working. Then the work week happened and the evil stress monster came back with a vengeance to get my shoulders up to my ears with tension.

With the not so subtle nudging by a co-worker to spoil myself, to truly relax, and book myself a massage. Let's just say that it was one of the best decisions I've made in a long time. As well as a smack in the face that I need to do a better job of balancing a work, play, a social life, and the big one, relaxation.

That being said I'm determined not to burn myself out before I even have my career going full force as a writer. So, take the time to do more than deep healing breaths. Spoil yourself every now and again. It will be more refreshing for your creativity then you will realize.

With a deep healing breath I will dive in to making sure that I renew my creativity. To take advantage of true relaxation. Of living a life that can balance out the workaholic that drives me to reach my dreams. Cause without those deep healing breaths we will be a big bundle of nerves that will end up being miserable.

Still happy as a clam after last nights massage, I'm going to enjoy a classic film I've never seen on the big screen at my local theater. That's right Labyrinth. And after that some writing to top off a nice night of game night with the roomies.

Remember deep healing breaths, take time for yourself and keep chasing those dreams to make them a reality. I know after this weekend I will be making sure to do this far more often then I have done in the past.

Happy Birthday

For many Birthday's are a reminder of getting older. For me while birthdays haven't always been the best in the world, it's a time to celebrate. To celebrate the things that you've done. To celebrate that you've survived another year. To celebrate the things to come. And to set goals for the upcoming year. It's a new beginning. A New Years 2.0 so to speak. Which like the real New Years has the possibility of disaster.

But that's no way to look at it. I'm excited to get older. Excited to see what my late 20s will bring me. Will it be easy? Hell to the no, but what is life is worth having ever easy.

So, as I take the weekend off of writing, ok, I'm going to try to still get in a few sentences in here and there, I'm going to enjoy the weekend of birthday relaxation and all around tomfullery.

Am I upset that some of my friends can't make it out for drinks? Hell no. We all have things in life that come up, but I'm going to celebrate none the less. Cause let's be honest if you can't celebrate the small things then what is there to celebrate.

That all being said join me in a happy dance of making it through another year and for all the exciting times that the next year has to offer.

Play me a song, DJ

One thing that I can almost guarantee that I have going while I'm plugging away at my computer while trying to stay focused on my writing is to have my headphones on and music playing. Even when I'm at home I still put on my headphones to block out the world around me. Odd? Maybe, but it works for me. A lot of writers have there own rituals but this is one of mine. Along with doing the cliché writer thing and sit at a coffee shop with my laptop and overpriced coffee.

Not quite knowing what to post about this weekend I figured I'd share a playlist that I put together of random songs that I listen to while writing. I don't always listen to the same songs, but here are a few of the songs that I find repeatedly listening to. Yes, I even added a few guilty pleasure songs as well. Let's see which you can guess those are.

Without further ado, here is my writing playlist. I hope you enjoy.

Relit Spark

Last weekend I talked about getting notes back from my editor and that combination of both rational and irrational fear of wanting to read all her notes on what how we can make the core of the story of my manuscript better. Why I say both rational and irrational is because it's understandable to fear what someone is going to think of something that you have spent more ours working on then most people do on a project. Many people compare their manuscripts to babies. In a sense that's true. And no one likes to hear bad things about their babies.

Then why is that same fear irrational? Because me, as a writer, needs exactly what this editor and all editors offer us, constructive criticisms on how to make your manuscript the best it can be. Thus the excitement of having fresh eyes to help refresh that spark inside you that made you love the story to begin with. That spark is intoxicating and the reason why authors love writing new story ideas which can create the black hole of new stories without finishing a book. Anyways, I digress, editor notes are exciting.

It took me a all day to get the courage finally open up the file that in reality proved why my original fear of having my manuscript be torn apart as 100% irrational. Everything said I found my self nodding in agreement with. Ok there were a few things that at first I didn't agree with but after talking it over realized what was really being said only to find myself doing the "doh, okay you're totally right." Everything that was said was perfectly verbalized what I couldn't have say myself.

I'd personally hit that wall where i didn't know how to fix it. I knew something was wrong with the manuscript. I just couldn't see the specifics. My editor found that. No need for my fears, there was no ripping my manuscript apart. No telling me that I shouldn't be writing. Nope only good critics on what wasn't working and possible ways on how to make it better. I didn't know how I'd feel about what would be said. Guess what? I can't stop smiling. Who knew?

So many things need to be redone and fixed. You know what? I'm not terrified. You'd think that with that first irrational/rational fear that I might still be scared, but I'm not. I'm super excited. There's a lot that needs to be fixed. Things that will take a lot of time. Still that doesn't scare me.

Let's do it! Let's take that once upon a time fear and keep that spark going riding it to the end. There are still going to be downs. There's always going to be more downs. It's about finding that spark again no matter how much it might seem like it's hiding. Let's do this! Let's dive into these revisions like there is no tomorrow.

One more step forward....

Today is the day. The day that I actually open up the edits and critique from my editor on my contemporary romance manuscript. While she, my editor, had sent it to me earlier in the week I had made a bet with a coworker that I could wait to open the files until after work on Friday. All for a cup of coffee. What can I say Starbucks adds up after a while and when in the end we both need a good cup of coffee we will take that bet. And guess what. I won, so he's buying this round.

Why didn't I open my edits before this weekend when that's all I've been dying to do sinceI sent my manuscript to my editor? Well, I say it's so that I do throw myself into the edits, not getting any sleep, and thus distracting myself while i'm at the day job making it impossible to get any work done that I actually get paid to do. I'll let you in a on a little bit of a secrete. That excuse is exactly that. An excuse. A copout to avoid the realization of a big fear that all writers have. Especially in the beginning and I'm sure will stick around later on in our careers. It's the fear that you work. That manuscript that is a piece of yourself that you bleed over might not be fixable. That there is no way that it is good enough to even spend the time editing.

I'll let you in on another secrete. While that is a reasonable fear, it's totally irrational. No matter how much you realize that there is no reason to believe that. That if you are willing to put in the time and effort into it there is no such thing as unable to fix it. There is no, this work is so bad that you should trash the idea. Cause in the end it's all fixable. It's just different degrees of what you need to do before you are able to push that wonderful publish button.

So, here I am at my desk instead of at the coffee shop I frequent on weekends to write, with the files open but hiding behind the internet browser as I type this blog and I'm over thinking it. As much as I tell myself that i realize that the fears I have are reasonable but irrational yet with the contradiction of the excitement of finally being able to take that next step forward to getting my manuscript published, and I can't make myself look.

I'm seriously yelling at myself to do it. Yet I've done pretty much almost everything that needs to be done as procrastination first. Desk is clean, though don't look anywhere else but the desk cause that's a mess. I have my corkboard at the ready to post notes of what needs to be changed so I have easy reference while I type. I have pens, post it notes, index cards, coffee consumed and now this blog being written. And for what? To post pone the ineffable.

I know that I've chosen the right edit on this project. Everything she has to say is constructive. Not to tear my work or myself as a newbie author down, but to help reshape my work, my newbie knowledge into something that is worth people reading over and over again. She is a master at what she does. She is that missing puzzle piece that i need to help make my work complete. Ok that might not be the best metaphor but you get the point.

The point is that having a good editor is the goal. Having the notes on what you can't see is wrong but know in your gut is there. So why am I freaking myself out over this? Cause we are all human.

And cause I refuse to let my fears rule me, I'm going to dive into the edits today. I'm going to read over her notes, write them down on index cards and make a game plan into something that isn't quite as intimadating as all the notes open and your manuscript on your desktop. One thing that is just as important, or is to me at least, is to not over think it as well as not jumping in too fast and making changes that in the end don't feel right. Measure twice, cut once. That's my plan. A doable one at that.

Today is the day. That first real moment in my writing career where I realize that this is it. I am a "real" writer. I've taken that next step to not turn around running cause that dream of being published is becoming a reality. As scary as it is, I can't wait for more today is the day moments.

Facing Fears to Chase Dreams

Today my big sister is taking another step to chasing her new dream in music by auditioning for the TV show The Voice. She had done it last year on a whim because she wanted to face her fear of speaking/singing in public. She had a court case that I'm so proud that she stood up for women rights and in that she found her dream. For that I couldn't be more proud of her.

Ty has always had an amazing voice with the natural ability to project so that the people in the back of a room can hear her. Like many talented kids growing up people teased that she didn't need a microphone during a solo and as Ty grew up she kept to only singing in the car and out of public. That is until the last year. Ty has found her voice in so many different ways this last year that I couldn't be a prouder little sister.

All of us kids had a hand in music one way or another growing up, piano, trumpet, drums, trombone, etc. That through one struggle in life that Ty had found her passion again I'm so excited to see her grow in it and by facing her fears she's growing more and more. And now here she is once afraid to sing in public singing at the top of her lungs for all to hear at Karaoke nights at bars, looking for bands that need a singer, and auditioning for a major TV show about singing.

As I'm sitting here in my usual weekend coffee shop with another window open on my current work in progress, with edits coming from my editor in the next few days I can't seem to not smile. Chasing your dream in one thing. It's hard and not everyone understands it. It's called a dream for a reason cause so many people can't get to it. It stays just that, a dream. Then when you start chasing it in real you get this high of excitement that you're actually doing it, even in the low struggling moments you can't help but feel this satisfaction that you are doing it. Then comes the next wave of fear. Not that you are chasing your dream, but that it might actually become a reality.

I've found that many people go running for the hills again when there dreams are a reality so real that they can't believe it and turn away, once again turning it into a dream. That I'm getting closer to my own dreams of being a published author I'm seeing people in a new light. Those who have the inner strength to take the risk of chasing there dream, those who don't believe that they can do it thus never trying, those who deny that it's possible to have a dream turned reality, and those who have a dream but can't see that they have the inner strength to be able to chase there dreams.

I've watched my sister change over time so that she is now seeing that she can have her dreams even through the ups and downs the journey of it is what really matters. I'm so proud that she hasn't given up. She is she thriving more than ever in this new stage of her life to let others enjoy the sounds of her voice as much as she loves singing. I will always treasure our times together in the car, windows rolled down, music blasting, and us singing at the top of our lungs (me not so in tune with the music) not caring if she looked like crazy people to others that drive past us.

It's taken in a while to realize this, but don't fear that talent that you have. Embrace it. It's something that others may not understand yet that usually goes the same with dreams. There is only one person that needs to understand that, and that's you.

While thinking of my sister I can't stop being proud of everyone that finds that thing that makes you smile uncontrollably. It has become more and more normal for people to take up things that make them miserable and settle for it. Thinking that being sad, depressed, and hating your job is what life is supposed to be. It's not. Don't let anyone make you ashamed of your dreams or talents.

Good luck big sister in your big audition! I'm so proud of you that you are finding the person I've always seen inside you that peaks it's glittery fabulous head out when you bust out in song. You inspire me to keep chasing my own dreams and one reason why I come on hear to talk about my own journey, in hopes that even in my downs that I can help inspire others to do the same. It may not be in writing, but I hope that everyone else can find that uncontrollable happy smile that they get when they are doing something that they love. Ty I'm happy that you can join the club in helping spread that love and inspiration.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to get back to my work in progress. I've got edits coming back this week. Know what that means? One step closer to my own dream. Yes as terrifying as it is I can't stop smiling.

Did I always know...

I was wondering what to post about today since yesterday I had spent my morning at the car dealership getting my car worked on followed by a long skype session with the bestie who lives out of state. Ending the day with an epic headache (must make sure to eat food through the day, very important) I hadn't gotten to writing anything. So, here I am sitting in my usual coffee shop on the weekend with my manuscript ready to send out tomorrow to my editor wondering what to blog about. This past week a lot of people have posted some very personal blog that I think everyone can relate to -- battling depression, body issues, pushing off taking care of yourself in battling of reaching your dream, and also what self publishers are making. All very different yet all very personal.

Which got me thinking, should I talk about my own battles of the black hole that is depression, or my struggles of doubt, of body issues, of insecurity? I've pretty much have been honest on here about all of those this, cause of one reason, I have to talk about my demons to let them know that I know they are there. That I am their food. That I am also the one that can destroy them. (Thanks Laurell K Hamilton for that comparison. Wish I could take credit for it, but I'm not. It was totally that wonderful author).

Then I got to thinking I hear all these other authors talking about how they pretty much have always known that they wanted to a writer, in one form or another, but what about me? Did I always know that I wanted to write?

I remember wanting to be a lot of things growing up, but never once did I stick to one thing for most of my childhood. Though one thing is certain, I've always loved books. No matter how hard it was to read at times (thanks dyslexia), I still loved books. There is a great photo of me on a long roadtrip in our family van with me passed out with a book open on my chest with my pink chucks with tweety bird on them that the bottom read 'thats all folks". I've also had my Grandmother talk to my sister to about my reading Harry Potter for long hours to make sure that I knew the difference of reality and not. That wizards didn't exist and to her they were evil bad things. Gotta love the traditional Grandmother. But the fact was this I loved books. I was a horrible speller (still am), have dyslexia (Still struggle with it) and am easily distracted (oooo shiny object). But here's the thing I love a good story, period.

I've gone through the phases of wanting to be a vet cause I love animals, but can't stand seeing them hurt. I've gone to film school cause I loved the visuals of movies and that they can transport you to a different world (oh just like a good book). I've wanted to travel the world (Still do). I've wanted to be pretty much everything, but the gist of this I've always known I wanted to be apart of the creative world in one way or another. Let it be the logistic side of things or something else, I've always wanted to be a part of it.

I just never thought that I'd be the one doing all the creative writing developing aspect of things. The doubts of struggling with learning disabilities (dyslexia and all that goes with it) made me believe that I couldn't be good enough to be apart of that creativity. I know better now.

It wasn't until I was in college that a spoken word poet told me that I should write something during summer break that I was bored out of my mind for that I truly took up a pen. Though I will admit that it took me a while to realize that he didn't mean poetry. Thus that summer began my exploration of writing down an idea for what has over the years developed into my paranormal romance. Originally I thought it to be a book (or something of), turned into a screenplay (yup I learned quickly that I'm not good at writing those) and went back to turning it into a novel. Did I know that I wanted to publish it? Nope. I had no plans what so ever other than to do something creative with my time.

By the time I was finished with University I had almost finished a book, starting another, and with more notes of future work I still am not sure that I will get to them all. Like the rest of the college grads I struggled to find work. All in that time writing kept me sane. It kept my head above water as the black hole of depression was working over time to suck me in.

It was then that I realized this....I am a writer. I want to keep writing no matter where I end up in life I want to keep creating stories. And as more time went by with research and figuring out what goes into publishing I figured things out. That I will be a published author. That I want to have my work be in the hands of other, no matter how insecure I've been and will be of my work, I want others to enjoy it.

Since that moment say five years ago I knew. I knew then that I was going to be a writer. It was last year that I knew that I was going to be in the logistical side as well. I am going to be a business owner as well as writer.

Did I know that I was destined to write? No. Maybe in my subconscious I knew on some level. But it wasn't until adulthood or the beginning of where I began the search of who am I that found that I was destined to be a story teller.

There you go, my origin story into realizing that I was going to be a writer. It might have taken time to realize it, but I don't regret the journey I took to get here. And I hope that I can create stories that helped me escape reality when times were hard and end with a smile on my face.

Questioning yourself...

Last weekend was the first time I'd attended the local RWA (Romance Writers of America) meeting. This is where once a month members of the RWA gather for a class and meeting. I've attended the National Conference they have once a year before but I've always chickened out attended a local meeting. Why is it that I'm fine attending large conferences but the small meetings freak me out?

Well let me tell you...I start questioning everything! I question will I fit in? Will they know that I'm the fraud want to be author that will never make it? Will they judge me that I'm pursuing self publishing? They will see all my insecurities and KNOW EVERYTHING! Then I talk myself into stop being stupid with all these insecurities. Everyone I've ever met at a conference has always been sweet. I've never not felt welcome in a group of writers. Quite the opposite actually, but still these doubts and insecurities sneak in making me quite going to the meetings before I even go.

It's this over thinking, over analyzing things that I have no control over that makes me quit before I even start. The funny thing is this last weekend before the meeting started I forced myself into not thinking. Do one thing at a time, pay for attendance a head of time, get dressed, get in the car, drive to Berkeley, find the place, double check I'm in the right location, walk in, find a seat and sit my butt down.

And guess what! I did it! I went to my first local RWA and I regret NOTHING! They had a class on social media/marketing before and after publishing your book and it was a great class. I learned a lot and also confirmed that I'm starting with a good foundation of starting my career off. I'm not afraid to make the time to do social media before I'm even published, I'm not scared to do the marketing/branding on my own. All of which is a part of the business that not a lot of writers like doing.

I'll admit to a funny story that happened while I first got to the meeting. I was so nervous I immediately asked where the restroom was and when I came back to find a seat in the front row of the small room (everyone had gotten a seat before me) and realized I left my cell phone in the bathroom stall. When I realized this a few seconds after I sat down I wanted to fall forward on the table and thump my head on it in stupidity. Not wanting to forever lose my phone in a brewery bathroom I found a moment where people weren't talking too much and practically ran out of the room down the stairs to the bathroom. Yup my phone was still there. But I felt like a complete doofus for leaving it and literally turning around the second I sit down in the front row. Hands shaking that everyone will remember the girl with purple hair that practically ran out of the room I pulled out my notepad and forced myself to relax. 

The rest of the meeting went without any issues and I'm glad I stayed. I talked to one person and glad I did. Next time I go I will make sure to talk more and maybe even stay for lunch to interact more with local writers. While I love my writer friends across the country it would be nice to have someone local that understands the writer me.

So, here's the moral of the story....don't over think. Follow your gut and stop questioning it. As you can see from my over thinking I've put myself back months on meeting with local writers that I could become friends with. I've done this in the past with some of my writing. All of which I now smack myself over the head for.

My gut has been right more times than not, and it's the questioning the over thinking that ends up putting me back in a place that was father back in my writing or my career than I should be. It's only been in this last year or so that I've come to really understand the over thinking. When I catch myself doing it I literally give myself a pep talk to stop. To really look at why I'm doing it. In the end it's looking for an excuse. Don't do that.

So I won't over think going to RWA meetings or hopefully much else in my writing career. Oh I know that it will happen again and again, but I wont let it consume me. To stop me from achieving my goals. That being said I'm off to do some writing. I'm getting closer and closer to finishing the first draft of a new manuscript and can't wait to get it done before I get edits back from editors.

That will be a new challenge in its self in not overthinking or analyzing. A challenge that I'm excited to take on and share the rest of my journey with you all.

Importance of Accounting

As most of you know I've fallen into accounting as a day job since I was in college. While I studied film accounting help pay my bills and put me through school, keeping me out of the dreaded retail that so many people fall into during school. While the day job held me back from pursuing internships I will never regret taking that first job in accounting and the job that currently hold now.

Why you ask?

Well let me tell you. This is one job that no matter where I am in life I can apply what I've learned into my personal life. While I've been in accounts payable (I'm the person that pays all the bills and makes sure that they are on time and that we are paying what we are supposed to be paying and when. Specifically with contracted companies as well as overhead costs. That's the cost of doing business). Well now that I'm diving in to the self publishing world I'm realizing more and more just how valuable this knowledge is if I actually apply it my everyday life and now personal business.

So instead of writing first thing this morning I find myself doing something I never thought I would be doing on my day off from the day job. I'm making a spreadsheet. I know it's terrifying, but not only will it help when it comes to doing my taxes, but it is going to help me figure out my budget for the next year as I dive head first into self publishing.

If you don't think publishing is expensive then you need to wake up and smell the coffee cause it can be. Don't get me wrong you can get a good book out on a tight budget but you have to know the right people, do it yourself, or talk prices down. Not only are you looking at production costs, but you also have to take into consideration marketing and travel. Personally I'm planning on going to conferences not only to as a marketing tactic but as a way to help hone my craft. If you're not careful those cost can and will add up too fast that you don't know what hit you and you can't pay your bills.

Well I'm a stubborn bastard and until I find critique partners that I trust then I'm willing to spend the extra money on good editing, cause in the end there are two things in my personal opinion that will help or kill your sales. That is your cover art and the actual writing. Promotional items I can make on my own. Other marketing strategies I can do on a very limited budge. I'm a creative person after all, so I can come up with something for cheap that will stand out.

But you can't fake a good cover or good editing skills. So, I'm sitting down making a spreadsheet to help not only visualize what I've spent in the last year on conventions (all you can write off on your taxes FYI) but what are the estimated costs of each book I've got with editors and the possibility of how I can spread out the cost/save to make sure that I'm not breaking my own bank account.

So if you are going to a business make sure that you take into account the accounting that goes with it. As painful as it might be making those spreadsheets it will help put the whole picture into perspective. Not only will it help you budget for future books but it will help you make a game plan as to when you can realistically publish a book and make sure that you have the funding for all the costs that go with it.

That being said I wish that I had done this long ago. And personally plan on keeping track of all costs as well as what each book makes each month after I publish. This is what every business does. And while I may be a writer, this is something that will help my push my writing business in a direction that I'm not sure everyone does.

Guess what? As a self published author you aren't just the author, you're the publisher as well. That means not only am I running a publishing business I'm the creative aspect. I'll let you take that in for a minute. I'm the product and the administration and the CFO and marketing director and COO and president. I wear many hats. To be able to do that cleanly that means spreadsheets. That means doing the accounting.

So keep track of your receipts, as well as all the costs that are involved in what you are doing. In the end many of them can be written off in the end. But trust me, don't forget about accounting. It's a good safety net for you as a company. Don't just pay something cause you heard that someone is good. Do research into the people you are hiring. Also here is a big one...read the invoices! You can't believe how many times there is an error on one. If there is something there that you didn't agree to then don't pay it until you get an invoice that reflects what you agreed upon. Then don't trash it! Save the invoice and write on it how you paid. If you paid with a hard check then make a copy and attach it to a copy of the invoice. This will save you just incase they come back to say that you didn't pay them.

Don't forget about accounting! It can save you in the end as much as you might hate doing it.

Conferences for 2014

This year I've decided that I will be attending at least two conferences to not only learn more about my craft but to also pimp out my future novels that I will be publishing this year and next. For now here is the current list that I will be fore attending.

Romance Times Booklovers Con in New Orleans in mid May
Romance Writers of America Nationals in San Antonio TX in July

There are a few others that I'd like to attend specifically in Seattle, New York and Las Vegas, but alas if I'm putting out these novels on my own and covering all cost of travel alone, then it will be impossible for me to go to them all.

As times go on and my schedule becomes more concrete I will be sure to let everyone know about where I will be. Cause guess what I will have some swag at these conferences to give away. And I will make sure that i's fun and original. Cause everyone can give a way a pen, but me? It will have to be a surprise. A surprise of epic awesomeness that I don't even know what it is yet.

Anyways I can't wait to see what 2014 brings. I'm off to get back to wiring and all that goes with it.

Hello 2014, Farewell 2013

Like everyone else this time of year we all look back at the year that has passed us by far faster than we had expected it to only to look forward for the upcoming year. What will it hold for us? What will we change? What are our new goals that we want to achieve? What do we never want to go through again?

With the changing of the calendar it's time to start anew chapter in our lives. For me I'm making my resolutions and goals obtainable. I'm not going to say that I'm going to lose the 50 pounds I'd like to. No I'm going to start taking steps into making sure that I'm taking better care of myself into a healthier life. That means eating healthier without punishing myself if I want a piece of pie. It also means that it's time I start taking the time to exercise even if I means just going for a walk. I'm also planning on writing as much as I can building a backlog of work while I balance out editing and marketing. I'm also planning on making sure to take time for a personal life, as hard as that is with a day job and starting my writing career as a published author.

2014 is the year that I can say that I'm a published author. As I'm planning on self publishing at least one novel a year. This makes it an obtainable goal on my own. 2014 is where I take a flying leap into making my long term goal of writing a full time writer possible.

Is that long term goal possible to make happen in 2014? Hell to the no. But this year is a hug step closer into making this happen.

While looking forward into the excitement and the hard work that will come in the next year I take a quick glance to last year. I've made so many wonderful author friends that I know I will keep for years to come. All for taking a leap of faith in going to a conference alone. It's a lesson I don't take lightly. Some times that leap of faith pays back in tenfold. I've gained with these women not only friendships, but cheerleaders, teachers, confidants, and inspiration. For that I am grateful for 2013.

I chose to not look upon the negative of 2013 only to learn from what has happened. The big one is to find a balance of work and play. To keep your close friendships going. And for that I let slip in 2013. I'm going to try to not let that happen as much in the next year.

Anyways, I hope you all had a wonderful and safe New Years and have a great 2014 that lay ahead. Even with the ups and it's down, I can't wait to see where it will take me.

Happy New Year!

White Christmas

Last year when I pulled into the long term parking at the airport I got the message that my flight was cancelled with no way out of town until I'd literally would spend 24 hours visiting family. This year I was nervous that the same thing would happen again and I'd end up alone in my apt. Alas the odds were in my favor and not only did I catch my flight but I had my white Christmas. For years it has become a bit of a tradition that I spend my Christmas with my Mother and visiting all my family that live in the Utah area. It's always great catching up with them and seeing just how much there own families have grown.

The Christmas Onezie while sick

Not only was luck in my favor but I got to see my sister and her husband for more than a few minutes as they took off to visit his family out of state not too long after I arrived. That we all got to open presents early together and hang out was one of the best presents I could have gotten. It wasn't until I was there that I realized just how much I needed to be surrounded by my family and extended family. With wild and crazy munchkins running around, with my grand mother watching on as almost all 22 great grand kids run around causing the usual chaos. Four generations in all in one place is amazing.

View from my room in Park City

Minor detail that I had to figh
t off the altitude sickness that last almost as long as I'm there I have to say that it was a pretty awesome time seeing everyone. Even got up to Park City where every year my mother takes me on a tour around her home town telling me about everything and everything. I can practically recite the stories myself, still I let her go on about how that was the rail that she broke her arm on sliding down it. Or that the road that leads to Deer Valley Ski resort used to be the red light district when Park City was a small minor town.

And of course as we drive down Park City Main St in there historic district we drive up to Zoom Restaurant owned by Robert Redford and my mom grins. For this was the house that my mom grew up in for years. It was the old Pacific Rail Road Depot that my Grandfather once worked in as the family lived upstairs. They were the last family before the Depot shut down. There are many memories for my mom and her family here and I love that she still gets excited to tell me stories how she would stomp on the top floor trying to get her fathers attention to help her with something. Or that she noticed that the windows had changed. Or that she used to crawl out the bad window of her room to go play with friends when she had gotten in trouble.

Train Depot turned Restaurant in Park City
 

Overall the trip was well worth going negative in my vacation time. I even got to see my dad as he was about to leave town the day I flew back. Note to self and anyone else: Never take the first flight in and then go directly to work. You will be exhausted and hopped up on so much caffeine that it's probably not the best idea. Awake at 2am and going till late in the night I was anything but productive. Though I did get a good chunk of work done.

I'd planned on getting some writing done while I was visiting my mom and in Park City, alas I didn't even open my laptop. Which in the end was probably a good idea, cause I couldn't even think straight let alone put good words down. Though I did read Tiffany Resiz The Angel while there. Which is an EPIC book. I love that woman's writing. She pushes boundaries with such ease it doesn't feel forced.  I recommend it to everyone who's like 50 Shades of Grey and want a good BDSM novel. I like to call her work Literary Smut. All the great writing of literature with plenty of steamy sex.

Anyways, I hope you all had a great holiday. With the year coming to an end it's time to get the resolutions together along with the goals I'm determined to reach. I can't wait for it to start cause I know it will be a big year for me and I get to share it all with you all. I know you're excited too for all the announcements I will get to make. I know I'm a tease. Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!

Holiday Season

I'm sitting here in a 24 hour Starbucks that I've come to start writing in on weekends and Christmas is right around the corner. This past Holiday Season has been nothing close to normal. My day job only closes for a short amount of time and with all the travel I've done this year I've been without time off for a while now as I try to build up my hours for more travel in the summer months where I will be traveling for writing, which I love, but having to go without pay or in the negative hours to go see family sucks.

With no time off other than the office holiday hours and lack of funds I found myself alone for Thanksgiving. It's not the worst of things to have happened since Thanksgiving hasn't always been a huge holiday for my divided family. Christmas on the other hand has always been more meaningful for my mother, as I've always spent that specific holiday with her, and with my flight being cancelled with no flights till after the holidays  being forced to stay in the city alone this year I didn't want that to happen again. Alas with no vacation time other than a half day on Christmas Eve and the whole day on Christmas flying out to Utah for my white Christmas was looking harder and harder to make happen without breaking the bank.

After weight out the options and costs of everything I came to the conclusion that it would be better if I stay in the city. Not break my wallet for 24 hours or less of seeing family, and just have a holiday at my apartment alone. Then the tears hit. I already knew my boss would let me take as much time off as I wanted with the holidays to see family. He's extremely family oriented and spending time with family is extremely important to him. There isn't away that he would let me miss this out. Which I think made the whole situation all the harder. How can you choose between work and family when no matter what everyone is extremely understanding of whatever decision you make.

I'll let you in on a little secrete, my family is full of criers. I joke with my mom that it's all her fault that I can cry so easily-- happy, sad, mad, frustrated, exhausted -- you name it we will cry. And I HATE crying, especially in public/in front of people.

Anyways back to my story, so each time I started talking about Christmas and that I've decided that I've made up my mind that I'm going to stay in the city. It's the busiest time of the year at my day job, so I have to stay, I would bust out in tears. Not sobbing, just a lump in my throat and a few streaking tears. Not bad, but it kept happening. Then when I had to tell my Mom, who was understanding and was even going to fly out here for her week off, (which she knew she would spend most of it alone since I'd be working), the really sobbing happened. Good thing I was alone when this happened otherwise people would really hate to see me ugly cry. We'd come to the conclusion that I'd talk to my boss one more time and do one more analysis of all the options I had (yea I do this a lot) and talk at the end of the week.

Not surprising I freaked my boss out as the words "I need to go home," and I fought tears back. He kept asking what was happening, was something wrong that he didn't know about, what could he do. Which only made me laugh and cry even more. That's when it hit me, I really needed to go home, which is funny cause I never considered Utah home. My extended family lives there, and my mother since I was 13, and now my sister and her husband have been there for the past couple of years. Some how I had made that place home without knowing it and I needed that freezing white Christmas and warm hugs from my mom and big sister.

I needed to go home. It's crazy just how much all you need is the warmth and refreshing welcome of family, to get away from the stress of every day life. As much as a stay-cation is nice, it's different when  you go to a place where real life can fade away for a while. When I realized this I decided to screw responsibility, I'll take a pay cut or go in the negative for vacation time, I needed to go home. So, with some crazy early flights out of a different airport I found away to not break the bank and limit my vacation time while getting in some quality time with my mother and sister and her husband. Some how I'm making it work and for once I'm not dreading the holidays. The tears are gone and I get a white Christmas.

Here is the moral of the story, find your home, and don't sacrifice things that in the long run don't really matter. Yes a job is important, but more times than not family is more important. Don't let the winter depression or dreaded holidays pull you down. Go do something that means something to you. My work ethic makes me feel bad that I'm missing out on some work, but in the end I'll feel like crap even more if I don't see some of the people that make all the worries of life go away.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season full of happy tears and plenty of joy. I know that even with the stress of traveling out of state, that I will enjoy this Christmas more than I have in a long time. And yes I'm insane taking the first flight out both ways before the sun even comes out to greet the world, but worth it all!

Exploring Essential Oils

In the past I'd talked about some stomach issues that I battle with. In the last three months I've found out about essential oils. Specifically from my sister who uses them with her massage clients. Since my sister, E, her husband, and my cousin have become distributors (no not like drug dealers, get that out of your head) I've really started to dive in to exploring all the uses of essential oils, and I have to say that I'm hooked.

I had done a two months of doTerra's Life Long Vitality pack and while I was waiting for a new shipment to arrive I can tell you that I feel horrible. I knew that the vitamin combo had helped some with my stomach, but I hadn't realized just how much it affected other parts of my life. With out them I can tell you that I felt sluggish. I didn't sleep nearly as well. I was grumpy and my stomach issues have come back with a vengeance.

Let's put it this way, after going almost a month with out these I am now making sure that I will not go with out. Personally I'll take the horse size pills over feeling like crap. Life is stressful enough if these, and so far they have, help with my energy levels on top of keeping the flu bugs that come with winter away I will take them.

The company recommends that you take four of each, but let me tell you that with the size of the pills, I can't do that. Did it once and my stomach felt so full and gross I've changed it up. After talking with E, the athletic trainer and my go to person for all things health and wellness (www.newdawnsports.com) she agreed that it's fine to down the dosage. So, now I take two of each in the morning and at night. That way I have the healthy balance of the essential oils in my system. Which after feeling like hell for a few weeks, I stick to.

I find it amusing that I also now carry a small pack with sample vials of oils that I now use daily on top of my now daily vitamins. I always find it hilarious the looks I get when I pull out a small vial and put some drops of lemon or peppermint, or lavender, or OnGuard into my water or a drop on my wrist. There is still a lot that I want to learn about Essential Oils, and I've decided that you my lovely readers get to learn with me.

Like many women I hate dieting and the gross tasting health foods, but for some reason these essential oils seems less drastic. Maybe cause it's all natural therapeutic grade oils. Maybe it's cause I see the positive changed it's had my families lives. Maybe that's because I can now play apothecary and I'm not restricting myself in what I'm doing. Restricting I find that we all crash and burn harder than if we allow ourselves to partake in the tasty goodness of food that isn't so healthy. So if I can combat most of my sweet cravings (soda the most in exchange for peppermint or some other oils in my water) then I'll do it. Plus I like playing apothecary.

If you want to check out doTerra the company that I use, go a head. My mind was pretty much blown with all the different benefits and uses that these therapeutic oils can be used for. No they aren't a cure. No they don't fix everything. But they have made my life easier, and I don't like to push things on people that I don't or haven't used and enjoyed using.

And thus now end my talk about exploration of essential oils, specifically the Life Long Vitality pack that I am now hooked on. Don't worry it's a good hooked, not the bad kind....I can quit anytime I want. Just like reading, after I finish this one chapter.

Where the Work Really Begins

This past week I've been thinking a lot about the process of not only writing but of publishing. And writing that draft that is just clean enough to send off to the editor is only the first real step before all the work really begins. Especially if you are a first timer.

You write a first draft? awesome. You got through edits on your own as best you can get it? Even better. Got it sent to the right editor for you if you're going the self publishing route? High five. Now what do you do while you are waiting to get the revisions back? You get back to work instead of sitting on your hands waiting for what you need to fix, that's what. You also have to get ready for your release.

So, what exactly does that mean? It means it's time to come up with the official Title, the cover art, get your website up and running, you find your copy editor and all the other business aspects that a publishing house would do, if you are self publishing. Thinking about all of it is a little overwhelming if you ask me. But it's something that you have to get done if you want to do it the "right" way. And I want to do it the "right" way. If you want to make this your career you have to treat everything like a business, and that's exactly what this is my business.

I've set the bar at which I want to obtain and it's possible. I've looked at the whole picture, and breaking it down in to pieces make everything do able. Instead of seeing EVERYTHING, I see it in priorities. One thing that needs to be done at a time to be able to place it together. This makes the overwhelming process less intimidating.

Where am I in the whole where the work really begins process? I'm in the don't freak out and get to work part. Also known as writing the next book, searching for a copy editor, narrowing down which cover artist I want to use, and of course the waiting part. My editor officially has my manuscript and I'm trying to not think about all the good changes he is going to suggest.

Please not that I did say good changes. I fully expect my manuscript to be torn apart. Is it going to hurt? Fuck yes it is, but that's the point of the whole thing. You find someone who is going to help you tear it down to rebuild the whole thing into something better. You need that unbiased person that is there to make your work better. Cause no one is perfect. No one writes that perfect book right out the gate. It takes a team to develop a truly good novel. The author is only the starting point. And I think I'm starting to create a good team.

While it's my first time working with everyone it's a starting point, but I am a firm believer in following your gut instinct. And mine is telling me I'm heading in the right direction with the people that I'm choosing to work with.

Well, I better get back at it. After a few days off it's time to get back to work. Cause it's always easier to keep progress moving than coming to a stand still to restart again. Once you stop, it's always harder to start back up again, in my own opinion. That's when the doubt you fought off come back with a vengeance.

I'm so excited for this whole process and being able to share it with you all. Keep your ears open for announcements and details of how my journey is going. That's exactly what this is, a journey of a life time that not everyone gets to experience.

Happy Thanksgiving

For those in the U.S Happy Thanksgiving and for those who are celebrating Hanukkah! Today is a day that we all give thanks, eat way too much food, gather with family and friends, and then shop until we drop as the beginning of the Christmas season begins.

This year these are my biggest thanks: that I have a loving family that supports my dreams, for taking that fist big scary step towards succeeding in my dream, for being healthy, I have a great day job with some amazing co-workers and for those who serve our country every day to keep us safe.

For those that are traveling and staying up late please drive safe. There are far too many accidents that can be prevented, so please take care out there.

And while I'm not able to spend the day with my family, I'm going to spend it getting some writing done while the roomies are out of town. With my paranormal MS is off with the editor it's time to keep working on other projects. I have a contemporary in the first draft process, with one other in need of revisions, all that need my attention. The life of a writer, you gotta keep going and keep working on the next project. And I'm loving every second of it.

So, Happy Turkey Day and I hope you guys all have a fun holiday!

Procrastination...

...I am your Queen. With the looming deadline of sending my work to an editor coming soon I'm finding it harder and harder to focus. Wanting one last run through of the manuscript before I send it, I'm finding it like torture. Don't get me wrong. I love my story. I love my characters. I just want to fix everything, which is overwhelming. Seeing everything that I want or need to fix instead of taking it one step at a time is terrifying and feels a bit like you're drowning just barely able to keep your head above the water.

Refusing to let that overwhelming feeling chase away my determination to get this done, I find that I'm still procrastinating. Getting stuff done, yes, but procrastinating far more than I should be. As much as I'd like to blame it on feeling like I'm starting to get sick, I blame the carrier monkey (sick coworkers, you know who you are), but in reality it's not that.

Someone has said that great writers are also great procrastinators. I call shenanigans on that. Great writers are those who get shit done. They don't let the fear of failure, the fear of success, or distractions get in the way of getting their work done. Okay, not just done but to keep improving on what they do and getting it out to the public. Yes, writers are easily distracted at times, but if I was as great a procrastinator as I am a writer, then well I'd be farther along in my career that I currently am.

Over the week as I acknowledge how bad my inability to focus is, I realized something rather profound in my case. While yes I have ADD and do find it hard to focus at times, the underlaying reason I'm not glued to my MS every free moment I'm awake is fear.

What do I have to fear? A lot, but it's what you do with that fear that will determine the outcome of what you are trying to achieve. Wait, you still haven't talked about what you are afraid of exactly. Ok, you caught me I'm trying to avoid that question.

What is this avoidance? Isn't that what procrastination is? *ding ding ding ding* you got that right. I'm terrified of what my editor will say of my work. I'm ready to defend every decision I've made in it, but I've been on the defense for so long that I can't help this gut instinct. But here's the ironic thing, I'm so excited that I cant express it in words that I think I've found the right editor that I have confidence in everything that he will tell me about my work will only make it better. He wont tear me apart telling me that I should never have started writing in the first place. No, this person is here to teach me everything that I'm not able to fully comprehend from reading writing manuals.

Yet, there is an inherent fear of failure along with success. If I fail the only way I can go is up. But if I succeed, then the bar is set. With each and every book I do from then on I have to do better. Which is what I want to do. i want to keep improving, but what if I can't stand up to the standards that people have of me?

Hence where procrastination comes in. This is a way for my brain to compartmentalize what I'm feeling. What my brain hasn't quite understood yet is by putting of the work I should be doing I'm only building up what i have to do closer to the deadline. Which only putts more pressure and stress on myself. So, why am i do that to myself? Cause I'm a bit of a masochist. I need to feel something before I can pour myself completely into my work. While this works best when creating new work, I'm finding it harder to do with revisions.

So, here I am with one week to finish a crap ton of work before I can hit send on an email to my editor. Which is a huge step in my career path. I'm finally taking that big step to getting closer to publishing. Which is exactly what I want.

Procrastination will have no room in my schedule if I'm to get this done in time. Sorry my old friend procrastination, but I have something far more important to get done if I'm to battle the fear that you hold so dear.

Quick someone take my crown before I take it back! Don't let the fear and procrastination take over your life. Hopefully in next weekends update, I will be able to post a victorious "IT'S SENT!" post. No I take that back, I'm determined to get that post up and done next weekend. And with that I'm off to dive in to the nonstop work that I have to do.

I'm so glad that I can share this journey with you all, and it will be great to finally be able to post more about the progress I've made in my career. There is no stand still or steps back, just progress...and epic battles with procrastination.

Denim & Diamonds by Debbie Macomber

With a busy week I found that I was once again saved by listening to an audiobook while I drove on my commute to my day job. Try as I might I just couldn't finish reading the book I'm working on for my next review, while getting in writing time, and working the day job. This week was my very first Debbie Macomber novel, Denim & Diamonds, a contemporary romance set in Wyoming.

Letty Ellison comes home to her family's Wyoming ranch after spending the last 9 years chasing her dream of being a singer in Hollywood with her 5 year old daughter, Cricket, in tow. Letty has to confront her childhood sweetheart, rancher Chase Brown, while finding a way of keeping her major health issue a secrete from him and her brother Lonny.

This was an audiobook that I couldn't get enough of. I found myself walking around carrying my ipad around while I was doing chores around the house while listening to what was going to happen next in Letty and Chase's story, instead of only on my commute to work.

I mean come on, who doesn't like a good cowboy story. They are just so rough and stubborn, yet have a old-school gentleman side that has seemed to have been lost in men today.

Letty's daughter Cricket was adorable and no matter how much the stubborn, cold fronted Chase tried to be Cricket didn't care and broke through that rough exterior to capture his heart just like he had with Letty. Now if only all 5 year-old were as well behaved as Cricket is.

The narrator did an amazing job keeping consistent with the different voices of the characters that helped keep the story moving and not pulling the listener out to wonder which character was really talking.

Now that I've had my first taste of Debbie Macomber's work I will definitely be adding her to authors I need to read more of list. And it's a good thing that she has plenty of books to for fill my small town contemporary needs.

Make sure to check out her website and her other books at www.debbiemacomber.com