Today I got in the mail a letter from my grandmother who will occasionally send me a letter every couple of months to catch up. Including a few dollars for an ice cream cone, so that if we were together she'd be the one to take me out for a treat. It's cute and makes me feel like I'm a bit of a kid a again. Being the youngest granddaughter I'll always be a child in her eyes, even if she does now have a dozen or so great grand babies as well. No none are from me.
Any ways, as I was musing over the lovely update of everything that is happening in my grandmother's life, and family farm, it got me thinking. People don't get enough mail. No, I'm not talking about junk mail and bills. I'm talking actual letters. Every rare occasion I get a letter or package in the mail from someone it brightens my day. With technology and instant gratification rampart no one takes the time to write anything by hand, it's all email and instant messages and text messages.
It brought back a memory from when I was a child going to a great aunts house where she brought out boxes of letters between her and her husband from when they met throughout their marriage. Decades of letters in boxes. Including when he was gone to war, yup during WWII.
The fact that they kept writing letters even through there is amazing. This is what love stories are made of. And why us writers try to grasp in our novels. Here's my question, do people still write love letters or even real letters?
Men gripe over women wanting romance. The thing that they don't realize is that something so simple and easy to do, like a letter or hand written note can do the job. A simple I'm thinking of you, I miss you, even an I love you does the trick.
With that being said, I think I'm going to start writing more letters. Even just a simple note to a family member instead of a email or text. When surprise mail arrives it always makes my day, so why not do the same with others. I suggest everyone do the same. Seriously why not take the time to make someone you care about, friend or family by doing something so small as a simple note.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Saturday, August 4, 2012
RWA12
RWA12, Romance Writers of America 2012 National Conference, has now officially come and gone. I was hoping to get this blog written sooner, but playing catch up at the day job as well as trying to work out some of my own writing schedule has put updating my blog behind what I would have liked. Well, I'm here now. :)
This years RWA conference was my first conference I've ever attended. It was a big step for me. A scary big step, since I'm still starting the beginning of my journey of navigating my way into the publishing world, both as an aspiring author and hopefully one day as an editor or agent (still trying to figure out that last part). Before I filled out my registration back in April I had a rather intense debate with myself. The conference was during the busiest time of the month at my day job and it's a big no no to take time off then. So, after talking to my boss and him pretty much giving me the go ahead, I had to really think about it. Can I afford it? Yes. Is this going to be a big investment into my future? Yes. Will I know anyone there? Hell no. Will I learn a lot from people who've had hands on experience? Yes. And the big question...Will I regret it if I don't go? Yes. 100% yes I will.
With all my fears and excitement in check, I did it. I dove in and singed up. And in the end the conference was more than what I expected. I've made a few friends, which wasn't too hard. Most of the people I'd talk to were really sweet and gave me some amazing advice. I even wore an epic onezie to the Harlequin PJ party. FYI...It's a great conversation starter if you don't know any one. Not to mention I ended up coming home with a grand total of 69 books. Ummm for all that is holy! You don't even know how excited I got when I found out about the author signings that were publisher sponsored. Thank you, thank you, thank you Publishers. You made it possible for this little broke aspiring author to get new books from authors I've never read before without having to break my bank account. I'm so excited to go and enjoy the worlds that they had created and share them with everyone.
With all the great goodies set aside, this conference wasn't about free stuff for me, it was about learning about the industry and how to better hone my craft. And I did just that. By attended as many of the workshops as I could with out exhausting myself and overloading my brain with all the great information, I've come home with a notebook full of great notes and plenty of handouts to review again. Some workshops stood out over others, and some weren't quite what I had expected (which is normal) but in the end every speaker knew their craft and could have kept talking for more than the allotted hour. And that alone gets me excited about what they were talking about. People who are truly passionate about their craft is awe-inspiring. Not everyone can write a book, but those of us who can not only do it once but keep doing it with all the struggles that are involved in it, not doing it for the money, but for the joy of bringing people into the worlds they had created, is amazing. These are my people.
Kind of nerdy but true. Not once did I have to explain why I write the genres I do. Not once did I have to explain why I write period. Not once did I have to explain why I carry a pen, notebook, and novel in my purse. Not once did I have to explain the characters that live in my head and talk to me. Why didn't I have to do this? Because, in one way or another everyone else in attendance are like me. Don't get me wrong, not one of use are the same, but the experiences and struggles we all go through are similar for the most part. We all have ups and downs, and we all get writers block at times.
For me going to RWA12 was a way to for me to step out of my comfort zone and put myself as a writer out there. And I'm more than thrilled I did. My once hesitation about joining RWA and my local chapter is gone, and I'm going to start going to meetings and join up. Being able to talk to and be around like minded people when I'm trying to pursue a new career is exactly what I need. To be able to not have to try to explain myself for a much needed peptalk from nonwriter friends can be done so in this group.
I also got my first rejection from an agent and I'm oddly happy about it. It was my first time pitching and her remarks about my work were some things I've been thinking of changing. It also made me realize my one rather large mistake. I've put my work in the wrong genre. It doesn't have the level of suspense that is needed to be in that genre. It does have a good amount, but it's just not right. Thank you agent! You made me realize my mistake and confirm the changes I want to make in the manuscript. So back to the drawing board, I go.
Why am I so happy about a rejection? Well this industry is full of them and to have the first one done and over with just makes me realize that I can do this. It didn't kill me or make me want to stop writing. It made me want to become a better writer and wait till I find the right agent/editor for my work. I got time and I'm sure as hell not going to stop writing in the process.
Any ways I'm in this for the long haul and will keep writing and putting myself out there for as long as it takes. Who knows I might be the next lightening bolt star author out there. Or I'll just slowly get my name out there and gain a good reputation. Either way works for me. I'm just happy to write and have people enjoy the worlds and characters I've had the pleasure of exploring myself. This is not a make it big rich industry. Some do, but not everyone. And that is fine with me.
I'm off to go do some editing and writing with this renewed excitment of I can do this. I can really put my work out there and call myself an author...not just a hobby. :) Thanks for all the wonderful people I met at RWA12 and those who put it together. You have done more for me than you can ever know. And I thank you for that. I'll see you all again next year at RWA13 in Atlanta!
This years RWA conference was my first conference I've ever attended. It was a big step for me. A scary big step, since I'm still starting the beginning of my journey of navigating my way into the publishing world, both as an aspiring author and hopefully one day as an editor or agent (still trying to figure out that last part). Before I filled out my registration back in April I had a rather intense debate with myself. The conference was during the busiest time of the month at my day job and it's a big no no to take time off then. So, after talking to my boss and him pretty much giving me the go ahead, I had to really think about it. Can I afford it? Yes. Is this going to be a big investment into my future? Yes. Will I know anyone there? Hell no. Will I learn a lot from people who've had hands on experience? Yes. And the big question...Will I regret it if I don't go? Yes. 100% yes I will.
With all my fears and excitement in check, I did it. I dove in and singed up. And in the end the conference was more than what I expected. I've made a few friends, which wasn't too hard. Most of the people I'd talk to were really sweet and gave me some amazing advice. I even wore an epic onezie to the Harlequin PJ party. FYI...It's a great conversation starter if you don't know any one. Not to mention I ended up coming home with a grand total of 69 books. Ummm for all that is holy! You don't even know how excited I got when I found out about the author signings that were publisher sponsored. Thank you, thank you, thank you Publishers. You made it possible for this little broke aspiring author to get new books from authors I've never read before without having to break my bank account. I'm so excited to go and enjoy the worlds that they had created and share them with everyone.
With all the great goodies set aside, this conference wasn't about free stuff for me, it was about learning about the industry and how to better hone my craft. And I did just that. By attended as many of the workshops as I could with out exhausting myself and overloading my brain with all the great information, I've come home with a notebook full of great notes and plenty of handouts to review again. Some workshops stood out over others, and some weren't quite what I had expected (which is normal) but in the end every speaker knew their craft and could have kept talking for more than the allotted hour. And that alone gets me excited about what they were talking about. People who are truly passionate about their craft is awe-inspiring. Not everyone can write a book, but those of us who can not only do it once but keep doing it with all the struggles that are involved in it, not doing it for the money, but for the joy of bringing people into the worlds they had created, is amazing. These are my people.
Kind of nerdy but true. Not once did I have to explain why I write the genres I do. Not once did I have to explain why I write period. Not once did I have to explain why I carry a pen, notebook, and novel in my purse. Not once did I have to explain the characters that live in my head and talk to me. Why didn't I have to do this? Because, in one way or another everyone else in attendance are like me. Don't get me wrong, not one of use are the same, but the experiences and struggles we all go through are similar for the most part. We all have ups and downs, and we all get writers block at times.
For me going to RWA12 was a way to for me to step out of my comfort zone and put myself as a writer out there. And I'm more than thrilled I did. My once hesitation about joining RWA and my local chapter is gone, and I'm going to start going to meetings and join up. Being able to talk to and be around like minded people when I'm trying to pursue a new career is exactly what I need. To be able to not have to try to explain myself for a much needed peptalk from nonwriter friends can be done so in this group.
I also got my first rejection from an agent and I'm oddly happy about it. It was my first time pitching and her remarks about my work were some things I've been thinking of changing. It also made me realize my one rather large mistake. I've put my work in the wrong genre. It doesn't have the level of suspense that is needed to be in that genre. It does have a good amount, but it's just not right. Thank you agent! You made me realize my mistake and confirm the changes I want to make in the manuscript. So back to the drawing board, I go.
Why am I so happy about a rejection? Well this industry is full of them and to have the first one done and over with just makes me realize that I can do this. It didn't kill me or make me want to stop writing. It made me want to become a better writer and wait till I find the right agent/editor for my work. I got time and I'm sure as hell not going to stop writing in the process.
Any ways I'm in this for the long haul and will keep writing and putting myself out there for as long as it takes. Who knows I might be the next lightening bolt star author out there. Or I'll just slowly get my name out there and gain a good reputation. Either way works for me. I'm just happy to write and have people enjoy the worlds and characters I've had the pleasure of exploring myself. This is not a make it big rich industry. Some do, but not everyone. And that is fine with me.
I'm off to go do some editing and writing with this renewed excitment of I can do this. I can really put my work out there and call myself an author...not just a hobby. :) Thanks for all the wonderful people I met at RWA12 and those who put it together. You have done more for me than you can ever know. And I thank you for that. I'll see you all again next year at RWA13 in Atlanta!
Monday, July 9, 2012
Count down to RWA12
On July 25-28 Romance writers, agents and publishers will be gathering together in Southern California for the annual Romance Writers of America conference, and for the first time ever I will will be joining in the fun. Yup that is right people I'm calling it fun. For the first time I will be surrounded by like minded people who I don't have to explain why I write or why I like writing romance or even reading it. I do so because I love it and there is so many things that can be done within the genre, not to mention that it is the highest grossing genre that is out there. Don't mock the romance. It's the most popular genre out there and you can't argue with numbers.
Any ways RWA12 is now about 16 days away and I'm buzzing with nervous excitement. As of last Friday I've made two agent appointments to pitch my novel Mackenzie Falls to, and now the real work has to happen. I've got ten minutes with each agent and in that time have to be able to summarize my book in a way that describes the characters and the basics of the story that leave the agent wanting to read some pages. Easy right? Not to me. I've spent over a year with these characters and I tend to want to go on and on and on about them. So, trying to get it into several sentences is a challenge. A challenge I'm more than willing to take on.
For this conference I'm not going in expecting to come out with an agent. While that would be amazing, things just don't happen that fast. I'm going into this conference as a learning experience and to meet people who are already established or pursuing writing in the publishing world. For the last year or so I've been doing my research and been sending out resumes as to find my niche in this industry. The more I learn the more I want to be involved in the agenting process; as well as continuing my own writing. With all the wonderful workshops that RWA is providing, I have so many wonderful choices of what to attend and learn for those who are actively doing what they are teaching. I'm not sure about you guys, but I'm more than excited to learn about this industry that has peaked my interest for the last several years.
Why has it taken me so long to realize that I want to be involved in publishing? No clue. I've always wanted to be apart of the entertainment industry, and it wasn't until my producing class that we dove in to literary rights that I really started to be come interested in how the two industries overlap. In the end wanting to help authors get their books made in to movies while not losing all their rights is what really got me into looking into agenting. Not to mention I love books!
Anyways, now that my little rant is over, I've got my work cut out for me before the conference starts. But in the end all things that are worth it in the end, is worth all the hard work and time that goes into it. I'll make sure to keep everyone posted on my adventures of RWA this month and in my search for the right agent, not just for me but for my work. AND that is worth taking the time for.
Any ways RWA12 is now about 16 days away and I'm buzzing with nervous excitement. As of last Friday I've made two agent appointments to pitch my novel Mackenzie Falls to, and now the real work has to happen. I've got ten minutes with each agent and in that time have to be able to summarize my book in a way that describes the characters and the basics of the story that leave the agent wanting to read some pages. Easy right? Not to me. I've spent over a year with these characters and I tend to want to go on and on and on about them. So, trying to get it into several sentences is a challenge. A challenge I'm more than willing to take on.
For this conference I'm not going in expecting to come out with an agent. While that would be amazing, things just don't happen that fast. I'm going into this conference as a learning experience and to meet people who are already established or pursuing writing in the publishing world. For the last year or so I've been doing my research and been sending out resumes as to find my niche in this industry. The more I learn the more I want to be involved in the agenting process; as well as continuing my own writing. With all the wonderful workshops that RWA is providing, I have so many wonderful choices of what to attend and learn for those who are actively doing what they are teaching. I'm not sure about you guys, but I'm more than excited to learn about this industry that has peaked my interest for the last several years.
Why has it taken me so long to realize that I want to be involved in publishing? No clue. I've always wanted to be apart of the entertainment industry, and it wasn't until my producing class that we dove in to literary rights that I really started to be come interested in how the two industries overlap. In the end wanting to help authors get their books made in to movies while not losing all their rights is what really got me into looking into agenting. Not to mention I love books!
Anyways, now that my little rant is over, I've got my work cut out for me before the conference starts. But in the end all things that are worth it in the end, is worth all the hard work and time that goes into it. I'll make sure to keep everyone posted on my adventures of RWA this month and in my search for the right agent, not just for me but for my work. AND that is worth taking the time for.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Distraction in Research
For the past few weeks have been a bit crazy, as well as my focus has been off kilter, making it difficult to write. But with the lack of focus and time on writing I have used some distractions in time to do research on some other books ideas I've been mulling around with.
Pray-tell what am I researching you ask?
Well, I've now a ton of new pages to read on werewolf lore, lyconthropy, other kin, and a lot of information on different government agencies (what can I say I can't remember all things I leaned when in polisci classes in school).
The government research is for an idea about s girl who has known nothing but being a spy. Not being one to follow politics, it's key to make sure that I know which agency does what and who's involved. Just maybe I should have kept my Politic Science text books from college. Opps. I'll survive and still be able to write this book. That is with the help of some research.
As for the werewolf lore and lyconthropy? Well I have a two different works that have weres in them. One that is the center of the story, the other one minor character is a wereleporad. The more I look up on lore I'm finding it more and more interesting. For example did you know that it wasn't until the 19th century that werewolves lore began to change so that it was spread by bite/scratch, can be hurt by silver and have a human/wolf form. In the weres were curses for 7 years and can be associated to witchcraft, etc. It's all rather interesting if you ask me.
Anyways it's getting late, and I've been really enjoying reading up on all the different stuff I want to use as reference in future books. Some times I forget that I can count research as working for writing. It's just one of the first steps to getting to the finished project. And reading them is almost as fun as writing if you ask me. Though I have to admit it would be nice to be able to already know things before I go into writing mode. Unfortunately I'll stick to doing research the old fashion way...with books and the internet.
Have fun with your writing and research! I know I am!
Pray-tell what am I researching you ask?
Well, I've now a ton of new pages to read on werewolf lore, lyconthropy, other kin, and a lot of information on different government agencies (what can I say I can't remember all things I leaned when in polisci classes in school).
The government research is for an idea about s girl who has known nothing but being a spy. Not being one to follow politics, it's key to make sure that I know which agency does what and who's involved. Just maybe I should have kept my Politic Science text books from college. Opps. I'll survive and still be able to write this book. That is with the help of some research.
As for the werewolf lore and lyconthropy? Well I have a two different works that have weres in them. One that is the center of the story, the other one minor character is a wereleporad. The more I look up on lore I'm finding it more and more interesting. For example did you know that it wasn't until the 19th century that werewolves lore began to change so that it was spread by bite/scratch, can be hurt by silver and have a human/wolf form. In the weres were curses for 7 years and can be associated to witchcraft, etc. It's all rather interesting if you ask me.
Anyways it's getting late, and I've been really enjoying reading up on all the different stuff I want to use as reference in future books. Some times I forget that I can count research as working for writing. It's just one of the first steps to getting to the finished project. And reading them is almost as fun as writing if you ask me. Though I have to admit it would be nice to be able to already know things before I go into writing mode. Unfortunately I'll stick to doing research the old fashion way...with books and the internet.
Have fun with your writing and research! I know I am!
Monday, July 2, 2012
Romance, Erotica & Women
Ever since 50 Shades of Gray going around my day job I've made a few observations that I find rather amusing that some people haven't come to the same conclusion. For one of them Women are sexual creatures. This should not be a shocking thing but it is.
One of the man reasons women read romance novels or watch romantic comedies, or at least from my observations, is not in hopes that their significant other or lack of would be like the men in the books. But the fact is that romance books have other elements to it that make it exciting. For the case in this matter sex. Sex isn't the horrible taboo thing that society has made people to believe. Novels let you experience things that you might personally be able to experience. Let it be a fantasy, suspense, mystery, romance, or erotica. It's a way that you can do something without doing something and be judged for it. If you know what I mean.
Not to mention that men, if you don't mind my bluntness, should be happy that women read erotic, cause well for the many who don't get it very often will get some after their ladies read a good book with some steamy scenes. Not one of the women I work with, and friends, didn't admit that their significant others were very happy with the after effects of them reading 50 Shades of Gray or watching Magic Mike, that just came out into theaters.
So my question is why do people mock those of us who embrace the taboo side of culture. Sex, romance and erotic aren't things that should be feared in my opinion. They are apart of you and how you choose to have them apart of your life should be up to the individual. If you love reading or writing 'dirty' stories, then do it. If you want something more tame then go for the more subtle romance that's out there. Want something more extreme then there is all types of well written erotica in all shapes and sizes.
Why people are amazed that people are shocked that women are going crazy over the movie Magic Mike or the book 50 Shades of Gray is beyond me. It's just showing that women aren't always the innocent little things that society thinks we should be.
That's my little rant about my amazement that people find it so weird that women are going all crazy for 50 Shades and Magic Mike. Believe it or not people, this is nothing new. Go explore all that the literary world has to offer and don't let anyone make you feel bad about what you enjoy.
One of the man reasons women read romance novels or watch romantic comedies, or at least from my observations, is not in hopes that their significant other or lack of would be like the men in the books. But the fact is that romance books have other elements to it that make it exciting. For the case in this matter sex. Sex isn't the horrible taboo thing that society has made people to believe. Novels let you experience things that you might personally be able to experience. Let it be a fantasy, suspense, mystery, romance, or erotica. It's a way that you can do something without doing something and be judged for it. If you know what I mean.
Not to mention that men, if you don't mind my bluntness, should be happy that women read erotic, cause well for the many who don't get it very often will get some after their ladies read a good book with some steamy scenes. Not one of the women I work with, and friends, didn't admit that their significant others were very happy with the after effects of them reading 50 Shades of Gray or watching Magic Mike, that just came out into theaters.
So my question is why do people mock those of us who embrace the taboo side of culture. Sex, romance and erotic aren't things that should be feared in my opinion. They are apart of you and how you choose to have them apart of your life should be up to the individual. If you love reading or writing 'dirty' stories, then do it. If you want something more tame then go for the more subtle romance that's out there. Want something more extreme then there is all types of well written erotica in all shapes and sizes.
Why people are amazed that people are shocked that women are going crazy over the movie Magic Mike or the book 50 Shades of Gray is beyond me. It's just showing that women aren't always the innocent little things that society thinks we should be.
That's my little rant about my amazement that people find it so weird that women are going all crazy for 50 Shades and Magic Mike. Believe it or not people, this is nothing new. Go explore all that the literary world has to offer and don't let anyone make you feel bad about what you enjoy.
Monday, June 18, 2012
ADHD's Emotional Distress Syndrome
I'd thought I'd share an article that my sister's therapist shared wrote. It really hit a spot with me when I read it. It really enlightened a lot of things for me. Read and enjoy on a out look of ADD/ADHD.
Coping with ADHD’s “Emotional Distress Syndrome”© by James Ochoa, LPC Director, The Life Empowerment Center Austin, TX
Written for Counseling Today magazine
The driving force behind my mission to mentor, coach and counsel individuals with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) began in 1989 when I had the opportunity to work with bright, vibrant ADHD children. The caveat, however, was my realization that these children, living within their own chaotic ADHD world, were at risk of losing something very precious; a connection to their unique passions, interests and talents. This insight launched my journey as a counselor to empower those with ADHD to recognize and reach their greatest potential. Helping my clients overcome the risk of what I call the “emotional distress syndrome” is an important first step and key therapeutic component to their success. I use this term to describe the cumulative effect of neurological processing differences and behavioral challenges that can break down a person’s emotional tolerance, stamina, and ability to maintain a strong sense of spiritual well-being and emotional health. This remains a factor even after one has been diagnosed, engaged in sound treatment options, and learned effective strategies to compensate for their ADHD. As counselors, if we hope to lay out a plan to manage this long-term risk, I believe it is vital for us to be cognizant of the ways in which ADHD creates a higher risk of distress for our clients’ emotional and spiritual lives. Most adults are capable of handling a significant amount of daily stress, yet because the neurological differences and behavioral characteristics of ADHD are chronic and life-long, one’s emotional distress tends to increase to such a level that it becomes a syndrome, or symptomatic of the chronic emotional distress akin to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD.) For individuals who have been living under chronic low-grade emotional distress their entire lives as a result of ADHD, that stress level can negatively impact their ability to reach their potential, feel good about themselves, and create the resilience and stamina necessary to thrive in today’s world. ADHD and PTSD has been researched along the lines of comorbidity, Cuffe, S. P., McCullough, E. L., and Pumariega, A. J. (1994), Fischer et al., 2007, Sarkis et al.( 2005), yet none of the research directly addresses the theory that the disruption of ADHD creates an emotional distress syndrome. This emotional distress is also an exponential factor that multiplies throughout an adult’s life as similar stressful events are linked together, creating a long-term erosion of a person’s ability to cope emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. Scenarios such as these can lead to an emotional distress syndrome that potentially develops into a covert form of PTSD; covert because there is no specific trauma that can be clinically cited as precipitating the syndrome, unless one wants to characterize ADHD as the precipitating event. The rate of this decline in functioning depends upon variables such as the severity of the individual’s ADHD, the environment in which they were raised, pre-existing conditions, and an array of other factors. For adults diagnosed with ADHD later in life, being unaware of the true nature of their problems for so many years is often a major factor contributing to the emotional distress syndrome. The mystery of not understanding why they couldn’t focus, finish projects, or remember simple things, is a constant source of frustration. This slowly erodes their confidence and courage along with putting significant stress on their character development along the lines of their self esteem and identity. After many years of untreated ADHD, the anxiety and life disruption a person experiences becomes chronic, and the emotional distress syndrome takes on a life of its own, often evolving into as big of a challenge as the ADHD itself. For many of my adult clients, this syndrome is the single most destructive factor in their lives. I often believe that if I could somehow magically eliminate this distress, many of my clients would live happier, more productive lives. The Educational/Directive Action Approach One of my goals as a therapist is to address the emotional distress syndrome by taking clients beyond a diagnostic understanding of ADHD and educating them on how it affects their lives and by helping personalize life-long strategies to cope with their challenges. This education and strategy development allows the client to better understand the basis of their emotional distress and dramatically lessens their anxiety. Rote strategies routinely given to those diagnosed with ADHD have a tendency to become mere exercises in futility. Without a personalized approach, it is very likely that clients will disconnect from these techniques and risk adding to their emotional distress. This personalization factor is vital in helping clients to create their own unique strategies, structures and routines. Personalized strategies can be as small as choosing a roller ball pen because of the feel of the ink flow, or as large as hiring an executive assistant to help manage the underactive neurology of a client’s prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain necessary in planning, prioritizing and evaluating. Routines, such as listening to certain types of music while studying different subjects, or while engaging in monotonous tasks, is often an effective strategy. One client relied on heavy metal music to keep his mind “geared up” when reviewing detailed schematics, yet another chose to listen to jazz because it gave him a sense of “rhythm and flow” to stay connected while reading historical documents. Our sensory pathways allow natural strategies to develop. A client’s attraction to visual, auditory, or kinesthetic environments often creates connections to effectively discover techniques if we help them recognize and develop these areas. When a client’s interest is sparked you’ll know you’re guiding them in the right direction. ADHD and Character Development In addition to education and personalized strategies, character development is potentially the most critical long-term issue for clients to address. Character development is defined as the two pillars of self-esteem and self-identity, where clients metaphorically stand, to have the courage, confidence and risk-taking ability needed to reach their potential long- term. Helping a client further develop their self-esteem and self-identity is necessary in strengthening their character. There is no doubt that the unconditional love received growing up allows for development of self-esteem, and that unconditional positive regard develops self-identity. In order to strengthen character, it is vital to deal with the emotional distress that adults with ADHD experience because it is a direct stressor on these pillars. If your client has been seen as impulsive and unreliable, or one who comes up with wild ideas and never finishes tasks, they have likely received negative feedback from others, putting them at a much greater risk of having an interrupted sense of esteem and identity. Your client may have grown up not loving or believing in themselves and not seeing their value in the world. If this feeling state carries into adulthood, they will tend to lack the confidence, courage and ability to take the necessary risks to reach their potential. What evolves out of “being different,” more times than not, is ADHD’s emotional distress syndrome. One technique I have found effective in clinically addressing the emotional distress of ADHD is with Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR,) developed in the early 1990s by Francine Shapiro, PhD, to treat PTSD. I use this process to desensitize the emotional distress of ADHD and also to help clients strengthen their self- esteem and self-identity and assist them in developing a strong vision of themselves reaching future success. Renee, a 46-year old client in my practice is an excellent example of how EMDR successfully helps adults struggling with the emotional distress of ADHD. Diagnosed with ADHD in 2001, Renee participated in an ADHD educational group and a long-term process group which I facilitated. Renee recently reconnected with me for counseling when her state-agency job finally took its toll, both emotionally and physically, and she was once again at a career crossroads. Her passion since childhood had always been theatre and she aspired to be a professional actor, so our work became centered on taking steps toward building her acting career. She enrolled in an acting class and was asked to name her three greatest fears about becoming an actor, a task that would cause some level of anxiety for many of us. However, Renee’s anxiety peaked because her fears about acting were so closely connected to her ADHD and past career struggles. The emotional distress caused by her ADHD had always created problems, such as memorizing lines (due her distractibility,) being on time (based on her skewed time-orientation,) and being caught up in the stress of the moment (becoming frozen or defensive in over-personalizing feedback.) EMDR helped Renee cope with the heightened emotional distress she experienced whenever she made strides towards becoming an actor and was key in helping to desensitize her past life experiences, her fear of failure, and her inability to memorize her lines. Renee focused on the distress in the acting class, and through the EMDR desensitizing process, was able to considerably lower her distress levels. Prior to this, Renee knew on a certain level that all actors experienced some degree of fear, but because of her low self-esteem and self-identity, coupled with the distress of ADHD, she was convinced that feeling that fear meant she was not truly an actor. Renee’s fears did not entirely dissipate, but her anxiety did become more manageable and she completed the acting class. The diagnostic process of adult ADHD is only the tip of the iceberg. An educational, directive approach to assist clients with developing personalized strategies, coupled with EMDR, will allow them to reach their potential. As clients begin to restructure their lives and understand their neurology, a transformational shift will begin to occur as they gain insight into who they can become in the next five to ten years. This growth will inevitably create some periods of disruption, so be cognizant of the level of nurturing and encouragement your clients will require. This support needs to be deeply rooted in unconditional love and unconditional positive regard. The vital key is to empower clients to create a stronger connection to themselves that will continue to naturally develop. Once empowered more effectively, a diagnosis of ADHD is no longer a sign of dysfunction. Instead, this empowerment allows the client to understand how to live fully and reach incredible potential within the beautiful chaos and intensity of their lives.
Coping with ADHD’s “Emotional Distress Syndrome”© by James Ochoa, LPC Director, The Life Empowerment Center Austin, TX
Written for Counseling Today magazine
The driving force behind my mission to mentor, coach and counsel individuals with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) began in 1989 when I had the opportunity to work with bright, vibrant ADHD children. The caveat, however, was my realization that these children, living within their own chaotic ADHD world, were at risk of losing something very precious; a connection to their unique passions, interests and talents. This insight launched my journey as a counselor to empower those with ADHD to recognize and reach their greatest potential. Helping my clients overcome the risk of what I call the “emotional distress syndrome” is an important first step and key therapeutic component to their success. I use this term to describe the cumulative effect of neurological processing differences and behavioral challenges that can break down a person’s emotional tolerance, stamina, and ability to maintain a strong sense of spiritual well-being and emotional health. This remains a factor even after one has been diagnosed, engaged in sound treatment options, and learned effective strategies to compensate for their ADHD. As counselors, if we hope to lay out a plan to manage this long-term risk, I believe it is vital for us to be cognizant of the ways in which ADHD creates a higher risk of distress for our clients’ emotional and spiritual lives. Most adults are capable of handling a significant amount of daily stress, yet because the neurological differences and behavioral characteristics of ADHD are chronic and life-long, one’s emotional distress tends to increase to such a level that it becomes a syndrome, or symptomatic of the chronic emotional distress akin to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD.) For individuals who have been living under chronic low-grade emotional distress their entire lives as a result of ADHD, that stress level can negatively impact their ability to reach their potential, feel good about themselves, and create the resilience and stamina necessary to thrive in today’s world. ADHD and PTSD has been researched along the lines of comorbidity, Cuffe, S. P., McCullough, E. L., and Pumariega, A. J. (1994), Fischer et al., 2007, Sarkis et al.( 2005), yet none of the research directly addresses the theory that the disruption of ADHD creates an emotional distress syndrome. This emotional distress is also an exponential factor that multiplies throughout an adult’s life as similar stressful events are linked together, creating a long-term erosion of a person’s ability to cope emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. Scenarios such as these can lead to an emotional distress syndrome that potentially develops into a covert form of PTSD; covert because there is no specific trauma that can be clinically cited as precipitating the syndrome, unless one wants to characterize ADHD as the precipitating event. The rate of this decline in functioning depends upon variables such as the severity of the individual’s ADHD, the environment in which they were raised, pre-existing conditions, and an array of other factors. For adults diagnosed with ADHD later in life, being unaware of the true nature of their problems for so many years is often a major factor contributing to the emotional distress syndrome. The mystery of not understanding why they couldn’t focus, finish projects, or remember simple things, is a constant source of frustration. This slowly erodes their confidence and courage along with putting significant stress on their character development along the lines of their self esteem and identity. After many years of untreated ADHD, the anxiety and life disruption a person experiences becomes chronic, and the emotional distress syndrome takes on a life of its own, often evolving into as big of a challenge as the ADHD itself. For many of my adult clients, this syndrome is the single most destructive factor in their lives. I often believe that if I could somehow magically eliminate this distress, many of my clients would live happier, more productive lives. The Educational/Directive Action Approach One of my goals as a therapist is to address the emotional distress syndrome by taking clients beyond a diagnostic understanding of ADHD and educating them on how it affects their lives and by helping personalize life-long strategies to cope with their challenges. This education and strategy development allows the client to better understand the basis of their emotional distress and dramatically lessens their anxiety. Rote strategies routinely given to those diagnosed with ADHD have a tendency to become mere exercises in futility. Without a personalized approach, it is very likely that clients will disconnect from these techniques and risk adding to their emotional distress. This personalization factor is vital in helping clients to create their own unique strategies, structures and routines. Personalized strategies can be as small as choosing a roller ball pen because of the feel of the ink flow, or as large as hiring an executive assistant to help manage the underactive neurology of a client’s prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain necessary in planning, prioritizing and evaluating. Routines, such as listening to certain types of music while studying different subjects, or while engaging in monotonous tasks, is often an effective strategy. One client relied on heavy metal music to keep his mind “geared up” when reviewing detailed schematics, yet another chose to listen to jazz because it gave him a sense of “rhythm and flow” to stay connected while reading historical documents. Our sensory pathways allow natural strategies to develop. A client’s attraction to visual, auditory, or kinesthetic environments often creates connections to effectively discover techniques if we help them recognize and develop these areas. When a client’s interest is sparked you’ll know you’re guiding them in the right direction. ADHD and Character Development In addition to education and personalized strategies, character development is potentially the most critical long-term issue for clients to address. Character development is defined as the two pillars of self-esteem and self-identity, where clients metaphorically stand, to have the courage, confidence and risk-taking ability needed to reach their potential long- term. Helping a client further develop their self-esteem and self-identity is necessary in strengthening their character. There is no doubt that the unconditional love received growing up allows for development of self-esteem, and that unconditional positive regard develops self-identity. In order to strengthen character, it is vital to deal with the emotional distress that adults with ADHD experience because it is a direct stressor on these pillars. If your client has been seen as impulsive and unreliable, or one who comes up with wild ideas and never finishes tasks, they have likely received negative feedback from others, putting them at a much greater risk of having an interrupted sense of esteem and identity. Your client may have grown up not loving or believing in themselves and not seeing their value in the world. If this feeling state carries into adulthood, they will tend to lack the confidence, courage and ability to take the necessary risks to reach their potential. What evolves out of “being different,” more times than not, is ADHD’s emotional distress syndrome. One technique I have found effective in clinically addressing the emotional distress of ADHD is with Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR,) developed in the early 1990s by Francine Shapiro, PhD, to treat PTSD. I use this process to desensitize the emotional distress of ADHD and also to help clients strengthen their self- esteem and self-identity and assist them in developing a strong vision of themselves reaching future success. Renee, a 46-year old client in my practice is an excellent example of how EMDR successfully helps adults struggling with the emotional distress of ADHD. Diagnosed with ADHD in 2001, Renee participated in an ADHD educational group and a long-term process group which I facilitated. Renee recently reconnected with me for counseling when her state-agency job finally took its toll, both emotionally and physically, and she was once again at a career crossroads. Her passion since childhood had always been theatre and she aspired to be a professional actor, so our work became centered on taking steps toward building her acting career. She enrolled in an acting class and was asked to name her three greatest fears about becoming an actor, a task that would cause some level of anxiety for many of us. However, Renee’s anxiety peaked because her fears about acting were so closely connected to her ADHD and past career struggles. The emotional distress caused by her ADHD had always created problems, such as memorizing lines (due her distractibility,) being on time (based on her skewed time-orientation,) and being caught up in the stress of the moment (becoming frozen or defensive in over-personalizing feedback.) EMDR helped Renee cope with the heightened emotional distress she experienced whenever she made strides towards becoming an actor and was key in helping to desensitize her past life experiences, her fear of failure, and her inability to memorize her lines. Renee focused on the distress in the acting class, and through the EMDR desensitizing process, was able to considerably lower her distress levels. Prior to this, Renee knew on a certain level that all actors experienced some degree of fear, but because of her low self-esteem and self-identity, coupled with the distress of ADHD, she was convinced that feeling that fear meant she was not truly an actor. Renee’s fears did not entirely dissipate, but her anxiety did become more manageable and she completed the acting class. The diagnostic process of adult ADHD is only the tip of the iceberg. An educational, directive approach to assist clients with developing personalized strategies, coupled with EMDR, will allow them to reach their potential. As clients begin to restructure their lives and understand their neurology, a transformational shift will begin to occur as they gain insight into who they can become in the next five to ten years. This growth will inevitably create some periods of disruption, so be cognizant of the level of nurturing and encouragement your clients will require. This support needs to be deeply rooted in unconditional love and unconditional positive regard. The vital key is to empower clients to create a stronger connection to themselves that will continue to naturally develop. Once empowered more effectively, a diagnosis of ADHD is no longer a sign of dysfunction. Instead, this empowerment allows the client to understand how to live fully and reach incredible potential within the beautiful chaos and intensity of their lives.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Follow Your Gut
When it comes to making decisions I like hearing people opinions, but in the end you have to follow your gut feeling. Cause when it comes down it, it's your decision to follow through with your decision.
What am I talking about exactly? Well, here is the basis of what I'm talking about. Every year or so I get an itch to move or do something drastically different that most people think I'm insane for donig. At the moment it's an itch to move out of California to Portland or Seattle. What? Are you crazy? It's always raining there! Yup I know. I like the cold and love the rain. But unlike my itch to move, I'm not going to get up and go right away. Nope. I'm not crazy. Believe it or not I'm pretty responsible. Before going anywhere I will make sure that I have a job that can support me. With having a car payment, this is very important.
So why the interest in the Pacific Northwest? Well, about 6 years or so ago, my sister had lived in Portland and the few other times I've visited I've fallen in love with the place. In fact one of my novels takes place just outside of Seattle. I love all the green, water, and bridges. Plus my all time favorite book store is there. This past weekend I did a drive north to watch two of my sisters skate and it was just cemented that I have to start doing some research in to potentially moving up there. Even my good friend that went with me fell in love with the state and is even looking to make a move as well.
So, I'm fallowing my gut that this would be a great move. Especially if I'm able to get a job in a field that I love, ie publishing or film. These are two of my greatest passions and have had the hardest of times finding work in them. Hence me being stuck in accounting.
Weither it comes to what you are writing or if you want to make a major life change, follow your gut. More times than not it will lead you in the right direction.
Now that I've had my little rant on the fact that I want to make a move in my life out of the Bay Area, I have to get back to reality...at least for while I'm at my day job. Gotta pay my bills. :) Good luck in your writing all! I sure know we could all use a little more luck in our lives.
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