Count down to RWA12

On July 25-28 Romance writers, agents and publishers will be gathering together in Southern California for the annual Romance Writers of America conference, and for the first time ever I will will be joining in the fun. Yup that is right people I'm calling it fun. For the first time I will be surrounded by like minded people who I don't have to explain why I write or why I like writing romance or even reading it. I do so because I love it and there is so many things that can be done within the genre, not to mention that it is the highest grossing genre that is out there. Don't mock the romance. It's the most popular genre out there and you can't argue with numbers.

Any ways RWA12 is now about 16 days away and I'm buzzing with nervous excitement. As of last Friday I've made two agent appointments to pitch my novel Mackenzie Falls to, and now the real work has to happen. I've got ten minutes with each agent and in that time have to be able to summarize my book in a way that describes the characters and the basics of the story that leave the agent wanting to read some pages. Easy right? Not to me. I've spent over a year with these characters and I tend to want to go on and on and on about them. So, trying to get it into several sentences is a challenge. A challenge I'm more than willing to take on.

For this conference I'm not going in expecting to come out with an agent. While that would be amazing, things just don't happen that fast. I'm going into this conference as a learning experience and to meet people who are already established or pursuing writing in the publishing world. For the last year or so I've been doing my research and been sending out resumes as to find my niche in this industry. The more I learn the more I want to be involved in the agenting process; as well as continuing my own writing. With all the wonderful workshops that RWA is providing, I have so many wonderful choices of what to attend and learn for those who are actively doing what they are teaching. I'm not sure about you guys, but I'm more than excited to learn about this industry that has peaked my interest for the last several years.

Why has it taken me so long to realize that I want to be involved in publishing? No clue. I've always wanted to be apart of the entertainment industry, and it wasn't until my producing class that we dove in to literary rights that I really started to be come interested in how the two industries overlap. In the end wanting to help authors get their books made in to movies while not losing all their rights is what really got me into looking into agenting. Not to mention I love books!

Anyways, now that my little rant is over, I've got my work cut out for me before the conference starts. But in the end all things that are worth it in the end, is worth all the hard work and time that goes into it. I'll make sure to keep everyone posted on my adventures of RWA this month and in my search for the right agent, not just for me but for my work. AND that is worth taking the time for.

Distraction in Research

For the past few weeks have been a bit crazy, as well as my focus has been off kilter, making it difficult to write. But with the lack of focus and time on writing I have used some distractions in time to do research on some other books ideas I've been mulling around with.

Pray-tell what am I researching you ask?

Well, I've now a ton of new pages to read on werewolf lore, lyconthropy, other kin, and a lot of information on different government agencies (what can I say I can't remember all things I leaned when in polisci classes in school).

The government research is for an idea about s girl who has known nothing but being a spy. Not being one to follow politics, it's key to make sure that I know which agency does what and who's involved. Just maybe I should have kept my Politic Science text books from college. Opps. I'll survive and still be able to write this book. That is with the help of some research.

As for the werewolf lore and lyconthropy? Well I have a two different works that have weres in them. One that is the center of the story, the other one minor character is a wereleporad. The more I look up on lore I'm finding it more and more interesting. For example did you know that it wasn't until the 19th century that werewolves lore began to change so that it was spread by bite/scratch, can be hurt by silver and have a human/wolf form. In the weres were curses for 7 years and can be associated to witchcraft, etc. It's all rather interesting if you ask me.

Anyways it's getting late, and I've been really enjoying reading up on all the different stuff I want to use as reference in future books. Some times I forget that I can count research as working for writing. It's just one of the first steps to getting to the finished project. And reading them is almost as fun as writing if you ask me. Though I have to admit it would be nice to be able to already know things before I go into writing mode. Unfortunately I'll stick to doing research the old fashion way...with books and the internet.

Have fun with your writing and research! I know I am!

Romance, Erotica & Women

Ever since 50 Shades of Gray going around my day job I've made a few observations that I find rather amusing that some people haven't come to the same conclusion. For one of them Women are sexual creatures. This should not be a shocking thing but it is.

One of the man reasons women read romance novels or watch romantic comedies, or at least from my observations, is not in hopes that their significant other or lack of would be like the men in the books. But the fact is that romance books have other elements to it that make it exciting. For the case in this matter sex. Sex isn't the horrible taboo thing that society has made people to believe. Novels let you experience things that you might personally be able to experience. Let it be a fantasy, suspense, mystery, romance, or erotica. It's a way that you can do something without doing something and be judged for it. If you know what I mean.

Not to mention that men, if you don't mind my bluntness, should be happy that women read erotic, cause well for the many who don't get it very often will get some after their ladies read a good book with some steamy scenes. Not one of the women I work with, and friends, didn't admit that their significant others were very happy with the after effects of them reading 50 Shades of Gray or watching Magic Mike, that just came out into theaters.

So my question is why do people mock those of us who embrace the taboo side of culture. Sex, romance and erotic aren't things that should be feared in my opinion. They are apart of you and how you choose to have them apart of your life should be up to the individual. If you love reading or writing 'dirty' stories, then do it. If you want something more tame then go for the more subtle romance that's out there. Want something more extreme then there is all types of well written erotica in all shapes and sizes.

Why people are amazed that people are shocked that women are going crazy over the movie Magic Mike or the book 50 Shades of Gray is beyond me. It's just showing that women aren't always the innocent little things that society thinks we should be.

That's my little rant about my amazement that people find it so weird that women are going all crazy for 50 Shades and Magic Mike. Believe it or not people, this is nothing new. Go explore all that the literary world has to offer and don't let anyone make you feel bad about what you enjoy.

ADHD's Emotional Distress Syndrome

I'd thought I'd share an article that my sister's therapist shared wrote. It really hit a spot with me when I read it. It really enlightened a lot of things for me. Read and enjoy on a out look of ADD/ADHD.

Coping with ADHD’s “Emotional Distress Syndrome”© by James Ochoa, LPC Director, The Life Empowerment Center Austin, TX

Written for Counseling Today magazine

The driving force behind my mission to mentor, coach and counsel individuals with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) began in 1989 when I had the opportunity to work with bright, vibrant ADHD children. The caveat, however, was my realization that these children, living within their own chaotic ADHD world, were at risk of losing something very precious; a connection to their unique passions, interests and talents. This insight launched my journey as a counselor to empower those with ADHD to recognize and reach their greatest potential. Helping my clients overcome the risk of what I call the “emotional distress syndrome” is an important first step and key therapeutic component to their success. I use this term to describe the cumulative effect of neurological processing differences and behavioral challenges that can break down a person’s emotional tolerance, stamina, and ability to maintain a strong sense of spiritual well-being and emotional health. This remains a factor even after one has been diagnosed, engaged in sound treatment options, and learned effective strategies to compensate for their ADHD. As counselors, if we hope to lay out a plan to manage this long-term risk, I believe it is vital for us to be cognizant of the ways in which ADHD creates a higher risk of distress for our clients’ emotional and spiritual lives. Most adults are capable of handling a significant amount of daily stress, yet because the neurological differences and behavioral characteristics of ADHD are chronic and life-long, one’s emotional distress tends to increase to such a level that it becomes a syndrome, or symptomatic of the chronic emotional distress akin to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD.) For individuals who have been living under chronic low-grade emotional distress their entire lives as a result of ADHD, that stress level can negatively impact their ability to reach their potential, feel good about themselves, and create the resilience and stamina necessary to thrive in today’s world. ADHD and PTSD has been researched along the lines of comorbidity, Cuffe, S. P., McCullough, E. L., and Pumariega, A. J. (1994), Fischer et al., 2007, Sarkis et al.( 2005), yet none of the research directly addresses the theory that the disruption of ADHD creates an emotional distress syndrome. This emotional distress is also an exponential factor that multiplies throughout an adult’s life as similar stressful events are linked together, creating a long-term erosion of a person’s ability to cope emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. Scenarios such as these can lead to an emotional distress syndrome that potentially develops into a covert form of PTSD; covert because there is no specific trauma that can be clinically cited as precipitating the syndrome, unless one wants to characterize ADHD as the precipitating event. The rate of this decline in functioning depends upon variables such as the severity of the individual’s ADHD, the environment in which they were raised, pre-existing conditions, and an array of other factors. For adults diagnosed with ADHD later in life, being unaware of the true nature of their problems for so many years is often a major factor contributing to the emotional distress syndrome. The mystery of not understanding why they couldn’t focus, finish projects, or remember simple things, is a constant source of frustration. This slowly erodes their confidence and courage along with putting significant stress on their character development along the lines of their self esteem and identity. After many years of untreated ADHD, the anxiety and life disruption a person experiences becomes chronic, and the emotional distress syndrome takes on a life of its own, often evolving into as big of a challenge as the ADHD itself. For many of my adult clients, this syndrome is the single most destructive factor in their lives. I often believe that if I could somehow magically eliminate this distress, many of my clients would live happier, more productive lives. The Educational/Directive Action Approach One of my goals as a therapist is to address the emotional distress syndrome by taking clients beyond a diagnostic understanding of ADHD and educating them on how it affects their lives and by helping personalize life-long strategies to cope with their challenges. This education and strategy development allows the client to better understand the basis of their emotional distress and dramatically lessens their anxiety. Rote strategies routinely given to those diagnosed with ADHD have a tendency to become mere exercises in futility. Without a personalized approach, it is very likely that clients will disconnect from these techniques and risk adding to their emotional distress. This personalization factor is vital in helping clients to create their own unique strategies, structures and routines. Personalized strategies can be as small as choosing a roller ball pen because of the feel of the ink flow, or as large as hiring an executive assistant to help manage the underactive neurology of a client’s prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain necessary in planning, prioritizing and evaluating. Routines, such as listening to certain types of music while studying different subjects, or while engaging in monotonous tasks, is often an effective strategy. One client relied on heavy metal music to keep his mind “geared up” when reviewing detailed schematics, yet another chose to listen to jazz because it gave him a sense of “rhythm and flow” to stay connected while reading historical documents. Our sensory pathways allow natural strategies to develop. A client’s attraction to visual, auditory, or kinesthetic environments often creates connections to effectively discover techniques if we help them recognize and develop these areas. When a client’s interest is sparked you’ll know you’re guiding them in the right direction. ADHD and Character Development In addition to education and personalized strategies, character development is potentially the most critical long-term issue for clients to address. Character development is defined as the two pillars of self-esteem and self-identity, where clients metaphorically stand, to have the courage, confidence and risk-taking ability needed to reach their potential long- term. Helping a client further develop their self-esteem and self-identity is necessary in strengthening their character. There is no doubt that the unconditional love received growing up allows for development of self-esteem, and that unconditional positive regard develops self-identity. In order to strengthen character, it is vital to deal with the emotional distress that adults with ADHD experience because it is a direct stressor on these pillars. If your client has been seen as impulsive and unreliable, or one who comes up with wild ideas and never finishes tasks, they have likely received negative feedback from others, putting them at a much greater risk of having an interrupted sense of esteem and identity. Your client may have grown up not loving or believing in themselves and not seeing their value in the world. If this feeling state carries into adulthood, they will tend to lack the confidence, courage and ability to take the necessary risks to reach their potential. What evolves out of “being different,” more times than not, is ADHD’s emotional distress syndrome. One technique I have found effective in clinically addressing the emotional distress of ADHD is with Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR,) developed in the early 1990s by Francine Shapiro, PhD, to treat PTSD. I use this process to desensitize the emotional distress of ADHD and also to help clients strengthen their self- esteem and self-identity and assist them in developing a strong vision of themselves reaching future success. Renee, a 46-year old client in my practice is an excellent example of how EMDR successfully helps adults struggling with the emotional distress of ADHD. Diagnosed with ADHD in 2001, Renee participated in an ADHD educational group and a long-term process group which I facilitated. Renee recently reconnected with me for counseling when her state-agency job finally took its toll, both emotionally and physically, and she was once again at a career crossroads. Her passion since childhood had always been theatre and she aspired to be a professional actor, so our work became centered on taking steps toward building her acting career. She enrolled in an acting class and was asked to name her three greatest fears about becoming an actor, a task that would cause some level of anxiety for many of us. However, Renee’s anxiety peaked because her fears about acting were so closely connected to her ADHD and past career struggles. The emotional distress caused by her ADHD had always created problems, such as memorizing lines (due her distractibility,) being on time (based on her skewed time-orientation,) and being caught up in the stress of the moment (becoming frozen or defensive in over-personalizing feedback.) EMDR helped Renee cope with the heightened emotional distress she experienced whenever she made strides towards becoming an actor and was key in helping to desensitize her past life experiences, her fear of failure, and her inability to memorize her lines. Renee focused on the distress in the acting class, and through the EMDR desensitizing process, was able to considerably lower her distress levels. Prior to this, Renee knew on a certain level that all actors experienced some degree of fear, but because of her low self-esteem and self-identity, coupled with the distress of ADHD, she was convinced that feeling that fear meant she was not truly an actor. Renee’s fears did not entirely dissipate, but her anxiety did become more manageable and she completed the acting class. The diagnostic process of adult ADHD is only the tip of the iceberg. An educational, directive approach to assist clients with developing personalized strategies, coupled with EMDR, will allow them to reach their potential. As clients begin to restructure their lives and understand their neurology, a transformational shift will begin to occur as they gain insight into who they can become in the next five to ten years. This growth will inevitably create some periods of disruption, so be cognizant of the level of nurturing and encouragement your clients will require. This support needs to be deeply rooted in unconditional love and unconditional positive regard. The vital key is to empower clients to create a stronger connection to themselves that will continue to naturally develop. Once empowered more effectively, a diagnosis of ADHD is no longer a sign of dysfunction. Instead, this empowerment allows the client to understand how to live fully and reach incredible potential within the beautiful chaos and intensity of their lives.

Follow Your Gut

When it comes to making decisions I like hearing people opinions, but in the end you have to follow your gut feeling. Cause when it comes down it, it's your decision to follow through with your decision. What am I talking about exactly? Well, here is the basis of what I'm talking about. Every year or so I get an itch to move or do something drastically different that most people think I'm insane for donig. At the moment it's an itch to move out of California to Portland or Seattle. What? Are you crazy? It's always raining there! Yup I know. I like the cold and love the rain. But unlike my itch to move, I'm not going to get up and go right away. Nope. I'm not crazy. Believe it or not I'm pretty responsible. Before going anywhere I will make sure that I have a job that can support me. With having a car payment, this is very important. So why the interest in the Pacific Northwest? Well, about 6 years or so ago, my sister had lived in Portland and the few other times I've visited I've fallen in love with the place. In fact one of my novels takes place just outside of Seattle. I love all the green, water, and bridges. Plus my all time favorite book store is there. This past weekend I did a drive north to watch two of my sisters skate and it was just cemented that I have to start doing some research in to potentially moving up there. Even my good friend that went with me fell in love with the state and is even looking to make a move as well. So, I'm fallowing my gut that this would be a great move. Especially if I'm able to get a job in a field that I love, ie publishing or film. These are two of my greatest passions and have had the hardest of times finding work in them. Hence me being stuck in accounting. Weither it comes to what you are writing or if you want to make a major life change, follow your gut. More times than not it will lead you in the right direction. Now that I've had my little rant on the fact that I want to make a move in my life out of the Bay Area, I have to get back to reality...at least for while I'm at my day job. Gotta pay my bills. :) Good luck in your writing all! I sure know we could all use a little more luck in our lives.

Last minute

I'm the youngist of four girls and two of my sisters have been skating Roller Derby for the last six years. And from the beginning they were naturals at it and have excelled in the Derby world to be some of the top skaters, traveling around the country to compete as well as coach. So when I heard that this weekend would be the last time that Team Legit (flat track skaters from different leagues across the nation) will be skating at Battle on the Bank V, I knew I had to go. With my sisters being in different leauges in different states, it's rare for them to skate with each other competeively let alone against eachother. My mission is set. Find a way to get to the Seattle area this coming up weekend so that I can spend some time with my family cheering them on in doing something that they love to do. Team Legit is currently the reigning champs on the bank track tourniment, so I have to find a way to get there. And I did. With a new car I know that I have a reliable car to get me there, its going to be long drive. Around 14 to be exact. So why not fly? Well it's just cheaper to drive then fly. With a fantastic boss that is letting me take monday off in order not have to rush back right back. The drive is going to be a long drive and I'm super excited about seeing my family, so it's 100% worth it. Sometimes you have to take your plans to relax at home and trash it, in order to go enjoy time with your family no matter how far it is. I know it will be fun. No matter how exhausted I will be from a long drive, seeing my sisters do something they love means the world to me. It's been weeks since I've been able to sit down for a long period of time to write and I have alot of travel plans this summer, so it's going to be hard to find the time to fit it in to that time. It's frustrating cause I get itchy to write, but it's not always possible. But when I do get the time I find that I'm more productive than other times. I guess it's a blessing in disguise. It makes me wonder if I'd get more work done if I had time to work every day instead of every few days. Guess I'll never know. As long as I keep taking baby steps forwards to finishing a work then I'm a happy camper. Would I like to finish faster? Hell to the yes. But if that means that I have to give up time to spend with my family then I rather spend time with my family. So Im happy that I'm able to go on a road trip to see my sisters. Even if that means that I have to put my writing time to the side. I'll find some time some where and I'm still making progress, but family is important to me and I'd do anything for them. Well I got to go get some writing done while I can. I'll post later how my weekend went next week. Keep making progess in your goals and I'll do the same. Laters!

Weddings

This weekend was the first of my friends to get married. Well, technically it's two of my friends who married each other. It was am amazing wedding with small touches that screamed my friends. The man who officated was another of our friends who was the one who introduced the two back in college. Between the three of them they had started the Men's and Women's rugby team at our school. In omage to them being rugby players the cake topper was a bride tackling the goom who is wearing rugby shorts running with a rugby ball. The bride's mother was horrified about. Other than the open bar and none stop dancing after the ceramony, everything was more her parents style then both the bride and groom. Which brought up the topic of what people say about weddings. That the day isn't about the groom, you just have tell him what to wear and when to show up. It's also not so much about the bride either. Though it is alot more so about her then the groom. But it is about the brides mother. Now don't get me wrong the wedding I went to was beautiful. Both friends were happy and everyone had a blast. The ceremony was short and sweet. And the weather was perfect for an outdoor wedding. And yes I did cry. Guess that means I 'm more of a sap than I thought. Like all weekends that involved weddings converstations of our own weddings were talked about as my roommates and one of their mother's. The three of us sat talking about our nonexistant men in our lives and what we would want on our big days when they come. Which really go me thinking. As much as I want to have the big wedding the whole thought terrifies me to be honnest. While I may write romance the whole thing really does scares me. Having grown up in a divorced family since I was 2 all I know is disfunctional relationships. Not to mention that I have a tendency to run from men who actually show interest. So, when it cames to talking about getting married and starting a family it hit me...As much as I want to have those things that everyone else has/wants I feel a bit ashammed to want it when most of my family doesn't have the same warm fuzzy feelings that most people have. That shouldn't be an issue in life but I guess it is. When it comes down to it, I'm more than happy being independent and I don't want to lose that, even if I do end up with someone. In the end if I find the right guy, then I find the right guy. If that includes merrage and kids then so be it. In the end I refuse to let what society's standards define if I'm happy or not. In the end weddings should be a happy event with no drama that celebrates two people's lives coming together. And that was excatly how it was yesterday. It doesn't matter how the wedding goes. What you're wearing or what the food is like or what music is playing. As long as the bride and groom are happy together that is all that matters. And that right there is why I write romance. It's about the struggles and insecurites and fears and finding that person that makes facing all of that worth it. They might not end up always being happy endings, but it's those times that end up making the person you are. And there is nothing wrong with falling in love. Cause it's in thouse times that you learn more about yourself and the world then one might think. Congrats to all the love birds out there and the newly weds. Starting a life together may be tough, but well worth it.