White Christmas

Last year when I pulled into the long term parking at the airport I got the message that my flight was cancelled with no way out of town until I'd literally would spend 24 hours visiting family. This year I was nervous that the same thing would happen again and I'd end up alone in my apt. Alas the odds were in my favor and not only did I catch my flight but I had my white Christmas. For years it has become a bit of a tradition that I spend my Christmas with my Mother and visiting all my family that live in the Utah area. It's always great catching up with them and seeing just how much there own families have grown.

The Christmas Onezie while sick

Not only was luck in my favor but I got to see my sister and her husband for more than a few minutes as they took off to visit his family out of state not too long after I arrived. That we all got to open presents early together and hang out was one of the best presents I could have gotten. It wasn't until I was there that I realized just how much I needed to be surrounded by my family and extended family. With wild and crazy munchkins running around, with my grand mother watching on as almost all 22 great grand kids run around causing the usual chaos. Four generations in all in one place is amazing.

View from my room in Park City

Minor detail that I had to figh
t off the altitude sickness that last almost as long as I'm there I have to say that it was a pretty awesome time seeing everyone. Even got up to Park City where every year my mother takes me on a tour around her home town telling me about everything and everything. I can practically recite the stories myself, still I let her go on about how that was the rail that she broke her arm on sliding down it. Or that the road that leads to Deer Valley Ski resort used to be the red light district when Park City was a small minor town.

And of course as we drive down Park City Main St in there historic district we drive up to Zoom Restaurant owned by Robert Redford and my mom grins. For this was the house that my mom grew up in for years. It was the old Pacific Rail Road Depot that my Grandfather once worked in as the family lived upstairs. They were the last family before the Depot shut down. There are many memories for my mom and her family here and I love that she still gets excited to tell me stories how she would stomp on the top floor trying to get her fathers attention to help her with something. Or that she noticed that the windows had changed. Or that she used to crawl out the bad window of her room to go play with friends when she had gotten in trouble.

Train Depot turned Restaurant in Park City
 

Overall the trip was well worth going negative in my vacation time. I even got to see my dad as he was about to leave town the day I flew back. Note to self and anyone else: Never take the first flight in and then go directly to work. You will be exhausted and hopped up on so much caffeine that it's probably not the best idea. Awake at 2am and going till late in the night I was anything but productive. Though I did get a good chunk of work done.

I'd planned on getting some writing done while I was visiting my mom and in Park City, alas I didn't even open my laptop. Which in the end was probably a good idea, cause I couldn't even think straight let alone put good words down. Though I did read Tiffany Resiz The Angel while there. Which is an EPIC book. I love that woman's writing. She pushes boundaries with such ease it doesn't feel forced.  I recommend it to everyone who's like 50 Shades of Grey and want a good BDSM novel. I like to call her work Literary Smut. All the great writing of literature with plenty of steamy sex.

Anyways, I hope you all had a great holiday. With the year coming to an end it's time to get the resolutions together along with the goals I'm determined to reach. I can't wait for it to start cause I know it will be a big year for me and I get to share it all with you all. I know you're excited too for all the announcements I will get to make. I know I'm a tease. Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!

Holiday Season

I'm sitting here in a 24 hour Starbucks that I've come to start writing in on weekends and Christmas is right around the corner. This past Holiday Season has been nothing close to normal. My day job only closes for a short amount of time and with all the travel I've done this year I've been without time off for a while now as I try to build up my hours for more travel in the summer months where I will be traveling for writing, which I love, but having to go without pay or in the negative hours to go see family sucks.

With no time off other than the office holiday hours and lack of funds I found myself alone for Thanksgiving. It's not the worst of things to have happened since Thanksgiving hasn't always been a huge holiday for my divided family. Christmas on the other hand has always been more meaningful for my mother, as I've always spent that specific holiday with her, and with my flight being cancelled with no flights till after the holidays  being forced to stay in the city alone this year I didn't want that to happen again. Alas with no vacation time other than a half day on Christmas Eve and the whole day on Christmas flying out to Utah for my white Christmas was looking harder and harder to make happen without breaking the bank.

After weight out the options and costs of everything I came to the conclusion that it would be better if I stay in the city. Not break my wallet for 24 hours or less of seeing family, and just have a holiday at my apartment alone. Then the tears hit. I already knew my boss would let me take as much time off as I wanted with the holidays to see family. He's extremely family oriented and spending time with family is extremely important to him. There isn't away that he would let me miss this out. Which I think made the whole situation all the harder. How can you choose between work and family when no matter what everyone is extremely understanding of whatever decision you make.

I'll let you in on a little secrete, my family is full of criers. I joke with my mom that it's all her fault that I can cry so easily-- happy, sad, mad, frustrated, exhausted -- you name it we will cry. And I HATE crying, especially in public/in front of people.

Anyways back to my story, so each time I started talking about Christmas and that I've decided that I've made up my mind that I'm going to stay in the city. It's the busiest time of the year at my day job, so I have to stay, I would bust out in tears. Not sobbing, just a lump in my throat and a few streaking tears. Not bad, but it kept happening. Then when I had to tell my Mom, who was understanding and was even going to fly out here for her week off, (which she knew she would spend most of it alone since I'd be working), the really sobbing happened. Good thing I was alone when this happened otherwise people would really hate to see me ugly cry. We'd come to the conclusion that I'd talk to my boss one more time and do one more analysis of all the options I had (yea I do this a lot) and talk at the end of the week.

Not surprising I freaked my boss out as the words "I need to go home," and I fought tears back. He kept asking what was happening, was something wrong that he didn't know about, what could he do. Which only made me laugh and cry even more. That's when it hit me, I really needed to go home, which is funny cause I never considered Utah home. My extended family lives there, and my mother since I was 13, and now my sister and her husband have been there for the past couple of years. Some how I had made that place home without knowing it and I needed that freezing white Christmas and warm hugs from my mom and big sister.

I needed to go home. It's crazy just how much all you need is the warmth and refreshing welcome of family, to get away from the stress of every day life. As much as a stay-cation is nice, it's different when  you go to a place where real life can fade away for a while. When I realized this I decided to screw responsibility, I'll take a pay cut or go in the negative for vacation time, I needed to go home. So, with some crazy early flights out of a different airport I found away to not break the bank and limit my vacation time while getting in some quality time with my mother and sister and her husband. Some how I'm making it work and for once I'm not dreading the holidays. The tears are gone and I get a white Christmas.

Here is the moral of the story, find your home, and don't sacrifice things that in the long run don't really matter. Yes a job is important, but more times than not family is more important. Don't let the winter depression or dreaded holidays pull you down. Go do something that means something to you. My work ethic makes me feel bad that I'm missing out on some work, but in the end I'll feel like crap even more if I don't see some of the people that make all the worries of life go away.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season full of happy tears and plenty of joy. I know that even with the stress of traveling out of state, that I will enjoy this Christmas more than I have in a long time. And yes I'm insane taking the first flight out both ways before the sun even comes out to greet the world, but worth it all!

Exploring Essential Oils

In the past I'd talked about some stomach issues that I battle with. In the last three months I've found out about essential oils. Specifically from my sister who uses them with her massage clients. Since my sister, E, her husband, and my cousin have become distributors (no not like drug dealers, get that out of your head) I've really started to dive in to exploring all the uses of essential oils, and I have to say that I'm hooked.

I had done a two months of doTerra's Life Long Vitality pack and while I was waiting for a new shipment to arrive I can tell you that I feel horrible. I knew that the vitamin combo had helped some with my stomach, but I hadn't realized just how much it affected other parts of my life. With out them I can tell you that I felt sluggish. I didn't sleep nearly as well. I was grumpy and my stomach issues have come back with a vengeance.

Let's put it this way, after going almost a month with out these I am now making sure that I will not go with out. Personally I'll take the horse size pills over feeling like crap. Life is stressful enough if these, and so far they have, help with my energy levels on top of keeping the flu bugs that come with winter away I will take them.

The company recommends that you take four of each, but let me tell you that with the size of the pills, I can't do that. Did it once and my stomach felt so full and gross I've changed it up. After talking with E, the athletic trainer and my go to person for all things health and wellness (www.newdawnsports.com) she agreed that it's fine to down the dosage. So, now I take two of each in the morning and at night. That way I have the healthy balance of the essential oils in my system. Which after feeling like hell for a few weeks, I stick to.

I find it amusing that I also now carry a small pack with sample vials of oils that I now use daily on top of my now daily vitamins. I always find it hilarious the looks I get when I pull out a small vial and put some drops of lemon or peppermint, or lavender, or OnGuard into my water or a drop on my wrist. There is still a lot that I want to learn about Essential Oils, and I've decided that you my lovely readers get to learn with me.

Like many women I hate dieting and the gross tasting health foods, but for some reason these essential oils seems less drastic. Maybe cause it's all natural therapeutic grade oils. Maybe it's cause I see the positive changed it's had my families lives. Maybe that's because I can now play apothecary and I'm not restricting myself in what I'm doing. Restricting I find that we all crash and burn harder than if we allow ourselves to partake in the tasty goodness of food that isn't so healthy. So if I can combat most of my sweet cravings (soda the most in exchange for peppermint or some other oils in my water) then I'll do it. Plus I like playing apothecary.

If you want to check out doTerra the company that I use, go a head. My mind was pretty much blown with all the different benefits and uses that these therapeutic oils can be used for. No they aren't a cure. No they don't fix everything. But they have made my life easier, and I don't like to push things on people that I don't or haven't used and enjoyed using.

And thus now end my talk about exploration of essential oils, specifically the Life Long Vitality pack that I am now hooked on. Don't worry it's a good hooked, not the bad kind....I can quit anytime I want. Just like reading, after I finish this one chapter.

Where the Work Really Begins

This past week I've been thinking a lot about the process of not only writing but of publishing. And writing that draft that is just clean enough to send off to the editor is only the first real step before all the work really begins. Especially if you are a first timer.

You write a first draft? awesome. You got through edits on your own as best you can get it? Even better. Got it sent to the right editor for you if you're going the self publishing route? High five. Now what do you do while you are waiting to get the revisions back? You get back to work instead of sitting on your hands waiting for what you need to fix, that's what. You also have to get ready for your release.

So, what exactly does that mean? It means it's time to come up with the official Title, the cover art, get your website up and running, you find your copy editor and all the other business aspects that a publishing house would do, if you are self publishing. Thinking about all of it is a little overwhelming if you ask me. But it's something that you have to get done if you want to do it the "right" way. And I want to do it the "right" way. If you want to make this your career you have to treat everything like a business, and that's exactly what this is my business.

I've set the bar at which I want to obtain and it's possible. I've looked at the whole picture, and breaking it down in to pieces make everything do able. Instead of seeing EVERYTHING, I see it in priorities. One thing that needs to be done at a time to be able to place it together. This makes the overwhelming process less intimidating.

Where am I in the whole where the work really begins process? I'm in the don't freak out and get to work part. Also known as writing the next book, searching for a copy editor, narrowing down which cover artist I want to use, and of course the waiting part. My editor officially has my manuscript and I'm trying to not think about all the good changes he is going to suggest.

Please not that I did say good changes. I fully expect my manuscript to be torn apart. Is it going to hurt? Fuck yes it is, but that's the point of the whole thing. You find someone who is going to help you tear it down to rebuild the whole thing into something better. You need that unbiased person that is there to make your work better. Cause no one is perfect. No one writes that perfect book right out the gate. It takes a team to develop a truly good novel. The author is only the starting point. And I think I'm starting to create a good team.

While it's my first time working with everyone it's a starting point, but I am a firm believer in following your gut instinct. And mine is telling me I'm heading in the right direction with the people that I'm choosing to work with.

Well, I better get back at it. After a few days off it's time to get back to work. Cause it's always easier to keep progress moving than coming to a stand still to restart again. Once you stop, it's always harder to start back up again, in my own opinion. That's when the doubt you fought off come back with a vengeance.

I'm so excited for this whole process and being able to share it with you all. Keep your ears open for announcements and details of how my journey is going. That's exactly what this is, a journey of a life time that not everyone gets to experience.

Happy Thanksgiving

For those in the U.S Happy Thanksgiving and for those who are celebrating Hanukkah! Today is a day that we all give thanks, eat way too much food, gather with family and friends, and then shop until we drop as the beginning of the Christmas season begins.

This year these are my biggest thanks: that I have a loving family that supports my dreams, for taking that fist big scary step towards succeeding in my dream, for being healthy, I have a great day job with some amazing co-workers and for those who serve our country every day to keep us safe.

For those that are traveling and staying up late please drive safe. There are far too many accidents that can be prevented, so please take care out there.

And while I'm not able to spend the day with my family, I'm going to spend it getting some writing done while the roomies are out of town. With my paranormal MS is off with the editor it's time to keep working on other projects. I have a contemporary in the first draft process, with one other in need of revisions, all that need my attention. The life of a writer, you gotta keep going and keep working on the next project. And I'm loving every second of it.

So, Happy Turkey Day and I hope you guys all have a fun holiday!

Procrastination...

...I am your Queen. With the looming deadline of sending my work to an editor coming soon I'm finding it harder and harder to focus. Wanting one last run through of the manuscript before I send it, I'm finding it like torture. Don't get me wrong. I love my story. I love my characters. I just want to fix everything, which is overwhelming. Seeing everything that I want or need to fix instead of taking it one step at a time is terrifying and feels a bit like you're drowning just barely able to keep your head above the water.

Refusing to let that overwhelming feeling chase away my determination to get this done, I find that I'm still procrastinating. Getting stuff done, yes, but procrastinating far more than I should be. As much as I'd like to blame it on feeling like I'm starting to get sick, I blame the carrier monkey (sick coworkers, you know who you are), but in reality it's not that.

Someone has said that great writers are also great procrastinators. I call shenanigans on that. Great writers are those who get shit done. They don't let the fear of failure, the fear of success, or distractions get in the way of getting their work done. Okay, not just done but to keep improving on what they do and getting it out to the public. Yes, writers are easily distracted at times, but if I was as great a procrastinator as I am a writer, then well I'd be farther along in my career that I currently am.

Over the week as I acknowledge how bad my inability to focus is, I realized something rather profound in my case. While yes I have ADD and do find it hard to focus at times, the underlaying reason I'm not glued to my MS every free moment I'm awake is fear.

What do I have to fear? A lot, but it's what you do with that fear that will determine the outcome of what you are trying to achieve. Wait, you still haven't talked about what you are afraid of exactly. Ok, you caught me I'm trying to avoid that question.

What is this avoidance? Isn't that what procrastination is? *ding ding ding ding* you got that right. I'm terrified of what my editor will say of my work. I'm ready to defend every decision I've made in it, but I've been on the defense for so long that I can't help this gut instinct. But here's the ironic thing, I'm so excited that I cant express it in words that I think I've found the right editor that I have confidence in everything that he will tell me about my work will only make it better. He wont tear me apart telling me that I should never have started writing in the first place. No, this person is here to teach me everything that I'm not able to fully comprehend from reading writing manuals.

Yet, there is an inherent fear of failure along with success. If I fail the only way I can go is up. But if I succeed, then the bar is set. With each and every book I do from then on I have to do better. Which is what I want to do. i want to keep improving, but what if I can't stand up to the standards that people have of me?

Hence where procrastination comes in. This is a way for my brain to compartmentalize what I'm feeling. What my brain hasn't quite understood yet is by putting of the work I should be doing I'm only building up what i have to do closer to the deadline. Which only putts more pressure and stress on myself. So, why am i do that to myself? Cause I'm a bit of a masochist. I need to feel something before I can pour myself completely into my work. While this works best when creating new work, I'm finding it harder to do with revisions.

So, here I am with one week to finish a crap ton of work before I can hit send on an email to my editor. Which is a huge step in my career path. I'm finally taking that big step to getting closer to publishing. Which is exactly what I want.

Procrastination will have no room in my schedule if I'm to get this done in time. Sorry my old friend procrastination, but I have something far more important to get done if I'm to battle the fear that you hold so dear.

Quick someone take my crown before I take it back! Don't let the fear and procrastination take over your life. Hopefully in next weekends update, I will be able to post a victorious "IT'S SENT!" post. No I take that back, I'm determined to get that post up and done next weekend. And with that I'm off to dive in to the nonstop work that I have to do.

I'm so glad that I can share this journey with you all, and it will be great to finally be able to post more about the progress I've made in my career. There is no stand still or steps back, just progress...and epic battles with procrastination.

Denim & Diamonds by Debbie Macomber

With a busy week I found that I was once again saved by listening to an audiobook while I drove on my commute to my day job. Try as I might I just couldn't finish reading the book I'm working on for my next review, while getting in writing time, and working the day job. This week was my very first Debbie Macomber novel, Denim & Diamonds, a contemporary romance set in Wyoming.

Letty Ellison comes home to her family's Wyoming ranch after spending the last 9 years chasing her dream of being a singer in Hollywood with her 5 year old daughter, Cricket, in tow. Letty has to confront her childhood sweetheart, rancher Chase Brown, while finding a way of keeping her major health issue a secrete from him and her brother Lonny.

This was an audiobook that I couldn't get enough of. I found myself walking around carrying my ipad around while I was doing chores around the house while listening to what was going to happen next in Letty and Chase's story, instead of only on my commute to work.

I mean come on, who doesn't like a good cowboy story. They are just so rough and stubborn, yet have a old-school gentleman side that has seemed to have been lost in men today.

Letty's daughter Cricket was adorable and no matter how much the stubborn, cold fronted Chase tried to be Cricket didn't care and broke through that rough exterior to capture his heart just like he had with Letty. Now if only all 5 year-old were as well behaved as Cricket is.

The narrator did an amazing job keeping consistent with the different voices of the characters that helped keep the story moving and not pulling the listener out to wonder which character was really talking.

Now that I've had my first taste of Debbie Macomber's work I will definitely be adding her to authors I need to read more of list. And it's a good thing that she has plenty of books to for fill my small town contemporary needs.

Make sure to check out her website and her other books at www.debbiemacomber.com