This week has had it's ups and downs. And while I sit here trying to figure out what to write (I've deleted about two other posts so far), I just have to say this...
Thank you to the first responders for all that you do. Day in and day out, no matter what or when you are the ones who are the every day hero that makes it possible for us to live in such a wonderful place. You put your lives in danger to help others. Thank you.
For those who were directly effected by the Boston Bombing, or Texas explosions. I'm deeply sorry for everything that you have and will go through. Know that you are not alone, and that you can get through these hard times.
For those of us who haven't had to deal with anything as traumatic hug the people you love. Don't let the little things turn in to world ending issues. Don't regret anything. Dream big and don't let anyone stop you. If you put your mind to it you can reach those dreams.
During times of need, ask for help. You'd be amazed at just how many people are out there to lend you a hand if you just ask for it.
And even when the sky seems like it will never be blue again, use the wonderful internet to look at pictures of cute baby animals. Cause there is no way you can't not smile at a guilty puppy for making a mess, or a napping kitten being snuggled by it's friend.
We can get through this horrible week and come back stronger. You're not a lone in hard times, no matter what they are. And thank you to those who put themselves in danger to help others. The world needs more selfless people like you.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Don't be a Victim
Sadly in the last couple of days both in the news and talking with friends, abuse both physical and sexual have been the focus on topic. And it both makes me sad and infuriates me when people say "boys will be boys", "girls are asking for it", as well as when women don't take steps to not let themselves become a victim. I just want to scream, "FIGHT BACK! STAND UP FOR YOURSELF! DON'T LET THEM WALK ALL OVER YOU!" Is it scary to fight back? Hell yes, but it's worse than if you don't.
What do I mean by that? By steps to not be a victim? I mean, be strong. I mean, stand up for yourself. Don't let someone force you into a situation that can end badly. Follow your gut insticts.
Shouldn't it be easy enough for men to stop when a woman says "no"? It should be, but unfortunately it's not. Another sad thing is that when in the work place, and in school when women report an attack more times than not nothing is done to the attacker. Only leaving the victim to more abuse later on from reporting something. This was the case that my roommate and her family in the past. And because of this I personally think it's placed a negative mindset that will make her fall into the victim catagory.
As a women who lives in a city that not only goes about the city alone, but travels alone, I believe that even when lost in a bad part of town that you need to act strong, pretend that you know exactly where you are going. For the creeps that are out there, for the predators, they look for someone who has that victim feel. That thing that says "I'm an easy target."
Even if you have to fake it, it's better than nothing. It makes people think twice.
Now what about when at a bar or at work, it's the same thing. There are still predators, and I believe that it's just as bad if a women doesn't take a stand for her comfort. If your gut says not to be alone in the room with someone, then don't. A woman's gut is a powerful thing in my opinion. It's important to listen to it. When someone invades your personal space, you tell them to back up. If they touch you even innocently, say on the arm, if you don't want them touching you, you say so.
To me, if you let someone that your gut is screaming at you isn't safe, to invade your space over and over then it's letting them get the courage to push the line more. Especially if it is a work environment I think it's key to do this, so if something does happen even more to cross the line you are able to say with concrete certainty that you told them to stop more than once. Then maybe, just maybe for once they will listen and do something about it.
The fact that I have a grown roommate women that is strong and independent let someone repeatedly invade her personal space without saying back off scares the living daylights out of me. Even after talking with male co-works about how someone makes some of the girls feel uncomfortable resulted in hostility towards the girls, "Are you going to file a complaint?" "He hasn't done anything to cross the line. He just makes us uncomfortable." "Then stop over reacting." is what she gets in response, the women end up doing nothing. Not even telling the guy to back up when he invades their personal space.
This infuriates me like none other. And it saddens me. Take steps into your own hands to stay safe ladies. If you don't want to be alone with someone, then don't. Stand up for yourself and set boundaries with those you're gut says is dangerous. If walking around a city alone, even in day light carry pepper spray. Be aware of your surroundings. If someone is walking towards you down a street and you get a bad vibe, then cross the street. Let other peoples feelings be damned. When it comes to your personal safety, that's all that matters. Park in lighted areas, don't go to places alone if you don't feel comfortable. And if you someone is doing something you don't want towards you, ie touches your, says something, or invades your personal space, then say something.
Help yourself, even just a little, by not letting yourself easily fall into the victim catagory. Though I do believe that if a predator is going to attack, they are going to do so. But they are less inclined to do so if someone is going to fight back. And ladies, you should always fight back when it comes to your safety. No one deserves abuse; physical, emotional, sexual. Don't ever let anyone make you feel lesser. Stand up for yourself and know that you deserve the best.
It's sad that even today we have to fight for our right to our safety and that men who are predators are still able to get away with so much, just cause "they were asking for it," "they didn't really mean no when they said it," "or boys will be boys." That is not the case. Real men don't attack women. Real men don't physically or emotionally abuse women. We shouldn't have to teach our women to "not be asking for it." Instead of just teaching men to not be predators, and that no means no. And how women deserve to be treated.
I'll end my rant on this now, since it's so sad and infuriating. Be strong, follow your dreams, and don't let anyone tell you that you deserve less than amazing happiness.
What do I mean by that? By steps to not be a victim? I mean, be strong. I mean, stand up for yourself. Don't let someone force you into a situation that can end badly. Follow your gut insticts.
Shouldn't it be easy enough for men to stop when a woman says "no"? It should be, but unfortunately it's not. Another sad thing is that when in the work place, and in school when women report an attack more times than not nothing is done to the attacker. Only leaving the victim to more abuse later on from reporting something. This was the case that my roommate and her family in the past. And because of this I personally think it's placed a negative mindset that will make her fall into the victim catagory.
As a women who lives in a city that not only goes about the city alone, but travels alone, I believe that even when lost in a bad part of town that you need to act strong, pretend that you know exactly where you are going. For the creeps that are out there, for the predators, they look for someone who has that victim feel. That thing that says "I'm an easy target."
Even if you have to fake it, it's better than nothing. It makes people think twice.
Now what about when at a bar or at work, it's the same thing. There are still predators, and I believe that it's just as bad if a women doesn't take a stand for her comfort. If your gut says not to be alone in the room with someone, then don't. A woman's gut is a powerful thing in my opinion. It's important to listen to it. When someone invades your personal space, you tell them to back up. If they touch you even innocently, say on the arm, if you don't want them touching you, you say so.
To me, if you let someone that your gut is screaming at you isn't safe, to invade your space over and over then it's letting them get the courage to push the line more. Especially if it is a work environment I think it's key to do this, so if something does happen even more to cross the line you are able to say with concrete certainty that you told them to stop more than once. Then maybe, just maybe for once they will listen and do something about it.
The fact that I have a grown roommate women that is strong and independent let someone repeatedly invade her personal space without saying back off scares the living daylights out of me. Even after talking with male co-works about how someone makes some of the girls feel uncomfortable resulted in hostility towards the girls, "Are you going to file a complaint?" "He hasn't done anything to cross the line. He just makes us uncomfortable." "Then stop over reacting." is what she gets in response, the women end up doing nothing. Not even telling the guy to back up when he invades their personal space.
This infuriates me like none other. And it saddens me. Take steps into your own hands to stay safe ladies. If you don't want to be alone with someone, then don't. Stand up for yourself and set boundaries with those you're gut says is dangerous. If walking around a city alone, even in day light carry pepper spray. Be aware of your surroundings. If someone is walking towards you down a street and you get a bad vibe, then cross the street. Let other peoples feelings be damned. When it comes to your personal safety, that's all that matters. Park in lighted areas, don't go to places alone if you don't feel comfortable. And if you someone is doing something you don't want towards you, ie touches your, says something, or invades your personal space, then say something.
Help yourself, even just a little, by not letting yourself easily fall into the victim catagory. Though I do believe that if a predator is going to attack, they are going to do so. But they are less inclined to do so if someone is going to fight back. And ladies, you should always fight back when it comes to your safety. No one deserves abuse; physical, emotional, sexual. Don't ever let anyone make you feel lesser. Stand up for yourself and know that you deserve the best.
It's sad that even today we have to fight for our right to our safety and that men who are predators are still able to get away with so much, just cause "they were asking for it," "they didn't really mean no when they said it," "or boys will be boys." That is not the case. Real men don't attack women. Real men don't physically or emotionally abuse women. We shouldn't have to teach our women to "not be asking for it." Instead of just teaching men to not be predators, and that no means no. And how women deserve to be treated.
I'll end my rant on this now, since it's so sad and infuriating. Be strong, follow your dreams, and don't let anyone tell you that you deserve less than amazing happiness.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Vacation Time Just For Me
Last year I had decided that I would start taking at least one vacation a year that was for me. That means not visit friends or family at their homes, or going for some family event. It would be a trip somewhere I wanted to go and do. If friends and family want to come then great. For the most part I've always been big on traveling places to visit family and I'm usually traveling alone. So going doing something different on my own isn't such a big step out of my comfort zone.
Last year I did two trips. Las Vegas for the big 25 and going to LA where they had the RWA National Conference. While my friends were lame and decided not to go with me to Vegas, I flew one of my sisters to join in the fun instead. That wasn't quite the trip I had thought it would be yet had a blast with my big sister instead and was ecstatic that she shared in the fun with me in turning in the quarter century mark in my life. When I had the chance to go to RWA, that was 100% for me. I had no one else to set up expectations, but was able to go and enjoy my first writers conference was something that felt like a risk. One that I will never regret. Going was the first giant leap I took to say "I am a writer."
This year I'm keeping with the tradition of doing a trip that is all about me and something that I enjoy. Instead of going to RWA, I thought I'd try another writers conference that I have heard so much about that I knew would not conflict with potential wedding dates for my sister. RT Booklovers Con is put on Romance Times and from what I've heard is one of the best writers cons that is out there. Not only do you learn a lot, but it's full of parties and costumes. How can I say no to that. I mean costumes and cover models. Sounds like a combo that is to die for.
Not only had I decided to go to the conference that happens to fall on the busiest part of the month at my day job, but I'm going to a writing for publishing boot camp two days before the Con even starts. Eeeek, I'm so excited.
The fact that some of my favorite authors are going to be there, but the teachers for the boot camp have already started on online group to start giving up pointers that we wont have time to cover, but it's a great way for a bunch of us newbies to ease our nerves. The closer this convention gets closer the more excited I am to go. While this is going to be in a new part of the country I've never been in, I'm excited to to learn more from seasoned experts, meet newbie writers like myself, and just enjoy being around people who love the same genre as myself.
It will be a new experience to put myself out of my comfort zone, and will also teach me a lot. Along with all the workshops, I will be pitching to an agent and an editor. It will be my second time pitching in person to an agent and a first to an editor. Rejections I'm ready for, but I'm not going in expecting to get a no. I'm going in expecting to learn from trying. To learn how to change my pitch and to be more comfortable talking about my work in a short amount of time.
Some might wonder why I'm doing a trip that doesn't sound like a vacation. For the most part it's not what you would call a classic vacation, but it's my vacation. Yes there is business involved. A business that I'm passionate about. A business that I am still learning about as it evolves into a new beast that no one ever thought it would become. But it's my vacation where I get to surround myself with people who are living and loving what they do. If you've ever been in a group of people who are as passionate about the same things as you are, it wont feel like work. In fact I can garantee that I will come out of this convention excited to get back to writing. All be it I might be exhausted, but I will be a happy exhausted.
Not sure what my vacation for me will look like. Hopefully I will be able to do another writers con or two, with a trip to my besties place up in Montana. Keeping my fingers crossed on that one. Visiting her is like going to one of these cons. I come back missing her like crazy, but much more happy for the time that I was able to spend with her and her family.
Anyways, I'm off to get some much needed reading in. Have a great upcoming summer all. And if you're going to RT13, I will see you there.
Last year I did two trips. Las Vegas for the big 25 and going to LA where they had the RWA National Conference. While my friends were lame and decided not to go with me to Vegas, I flew one of my sisters to join in the fun instead. That wasn't quite the trip I had thought it would be yet had a blast with my big sister instead and was ecstatic that she shared in the fun with me in turning in the quarter century mark in my life. When I had the chance to go to RWA, that was 100% for me. I had no one else to set up expectations, but was able to go and enjoy my first writers conference was something that felt like a risk. One that I will never regret. Going was the first giant leap I took to say "I am a writer."
This year I'm keeping with the tradition of doing a trip that is all about me and something that I enjoy. Instead of going to RWA, I thought I'd try another writers conference that I have heard so much about that I knew would not conflict with potential wedding dates for my sister. RT Booklovers Con is put on Romance Times and from what I've heard is one of the best writers cons that is out there. Not only do you learn a lot, but it's full of parties and costumes. How can I say no to that. I mean costumes and cover models. Sounds like a combo that is to die for.
Not only had I decided to go to the conference that happens to fall on the busiest part of the month at my day job, but I'm going to a writing for publishing boot camp two days before the Con even starts. Eeeek, I'm so excited.
The fact that some of my favorite authors are going to be there, but the teachers for the boot camp have already started on online group to start giving up pointers that we wont have time to cover, but it's a great way for a bunch of us newbies to ease our nerves. The closer this convention gets closer the more excited I am to go. While this is going to be in a new part of the country I've never been in, I'm excited to to learn more from seasoned experts, meet newbie writers like myself, and just enjoy being around people who love the same genre as myself.
It will be a new experience to put myself out of my comfort zone, and will also teach me a lot. Along with all the workshops, I will be pitching to an agent and an editor. It will be my second time pitching in person to an agent and a first to an editor. Rejections I'm ready for, but I'm not going in expecting to get a no. I'm going in expecting to learn from trying. To learn how to change my pitch and to be more comfortable talking about my work in a short amount of time.
Some might wonder why I'm doing a trip that doesn't sound like a vacation. For the most part it's not what you would call a classic vacation, but it's my vacation. Yes there is business involved. A business that I'm passionate about. A business that I am still learning about as it evolves into a new beast that no one ever thought it would become. But it's my vacation where I get to surround myself with people who are living and loving what they do. If you've ever been in a group of people who are as passionate about the same things as you are, it wont feel like work. In fact I can garantee that I will come out of this convention excited to get back to writing. All be it I might be exhausted, but I will be a happy exhausted.
Not sure what my vacation for me will look like. Hopefully I will be able to do another writers con or two, with a trip to my besties place up in Montana. Keeping my fingers crossed on that one. Visiting her is like going to one of these cons. I come back missing her like crazy, but much more happy for the time that I was able to spend with her and her family.
Anyways, I'm off to get some much needed reading in. Have a great upcoming summer all. And if you're going to RT13, I will see you there.
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