Purple Hair

This post is going to have nothing to do with writing, books or anything publishing. Shocking I know. Instead I will talk about how every once and a while you need to do something for yourself, spoil yourself and change things up.

After having visited my sister a little over a month ago for her engagement party, we had talked about wedding plans of what the bridesmaids will wear and how they should have their hair. One of the things that was decided was that the dresses are going to be silver with accents of accessories in purple. This lead to a suggestion of getting a purple ombre.

What is a purple ombre you ask? Well you start with one color at the roots and it fades into several different other colors. In this case from brown to several shades of purple. The idea that with my hair for the wedding will be braided down into a side low ponytail into curls, that it will be an epic fade into purple curls over my shoulder. And it will look epic.

With the okay from the bride to be, I went to my stylist and we plotted and planed for when I would dye it to make sure that we all would like it before the actual wedding day.  And well.....I did it. I now have purple hair!

I know it sounds weird, but it actually looks really cool and as contradictory as it might sound, it has a natural progression, like a waterfall.
 

Can't quite see it too well, but you get the gist of what it looks like. This was when I got back from the salon, super late at home with horrible lighting. I'll have to post another pic in better light later.

After having a few years of my natural hair color switching it up felt amazing. I know purple is different and most people go for a more natural color, but I mean why not purple. It's different, but still yet has a natural feel to it. I still find that I forget that my hair is purple, but I like it. Along with some new much needs outfits it's amazing how much a little change and spoiling yourself can boost your self-confidence. 

Having a bad day? Go spoil yourself a little. Maybe switch things up a little to get out of a rut. I know I'm happy I gave myself purple hair, even if I did do it for a wedding. Deep down, I needed to add a little color in my life and well the wedding is just an excuse for a much needed mix up.

I have to admit, purple hair is kind of awesome. I didn't think I could pull it off, but I can. And I still find it amusing at some of the looks I get. A lot of people have given me compliments, but other times you can tell that they don't get it. In the end it doesn't matter what other people think, as long as you feel great you look great. And it took me the purple hair to remember that. I don't know how long I'm going to keep it, but I am going to keep it for most likely a year or so before going back to a natural color. And till then I'm going to work it! :)

Relationships

One thing that I've learned over a bit of a roller coaster of a week and weekend are some things that you need to make a relationship work. Two of the key things being communication and compromise. Without these then things don't end working out. With one friends relationship ending this week and another in a monopoly polyamours relationship I've been around a lot of talk about relationships in general.

Many of the things that was brought up was if you knew there was an expiration date with someone before you even became monogamous then why did you let it get so far as to them moving in. As well as if you're not happy or are jealous about your partner's other partners, or how much time you aren't getting with them then something needs to be fixed.

So, here's my question....if you are in a serious relationship with someone that is an open relationship then why don't you have set rules that make it so that everyone has equal time together and no one gets ignored. Cause if you ask me if you are having an open relationship with multiple serious partners, then you need more communication and compromise than if you only have one partner. If you are trying to balance time with several different people then someone is bound to get upset. One person shouldn't be the one to set the rules and boundaries of a relationship, it should be a group thing that way everyone can express there expectations and desires of the relationship.

It's been an interesting week talking about relationships and wanting to be friends with exs that you just broken up with. But here is the big problem about that right from the get go...if they are more in love with you then you are with them, then you aren't helping them by being a friend but are keeping an already fresh wound open and bleeding. Feeling responsible for someone's feelings isn't up to you to fix, even if you were the one to break there heart. Having someones life revolve around someone else is far from healthy. And trying to change that when they don't have any friends because they have done so isn't your fault.

So, here is what I've learned from the ups and downs from my friends relationships. 1. Don't let your world revolve around someone else. 2. Communication is important. If you're not happy express it. Don't say I'm fine only to let it lead to a huge fight. 3. Compromise. One person shouldn't set and make all the decisions. 4. Some jealously is ok but too much will break a relationship. 5. No matter how much you might care for someone doesn't always make a relationship work. 6. Don't let anyone talk you into something you're not ready for. Example: If you don't want to live with someone yet, don't. If you don't want to have a boyfriend, then don't have one. 7. Don't make yourself miserable to make someone else happy. 8. You need to be happy with yourself and being alone first before you even can attempt to have a relationship with someone else.

There you go my little rant on relationships. Let it be if you are a traditional monogamous person or polyamours, all of these things go for it.

Making Everyone Happy...

...you just can't do it. As hard as you try to do this, it's not healthy and in the end find that you are more miserable then you should be.

I was going to write a long personal blog about struggling with making friends and family members happy at the sake of your own. I realized that it is far harder to write about. To be able to explain finding a balance in a relationship and that it shouldn't be one persons job to drop everything they have planned to help someone every time they call. Once sided relationships aren't healthy. No matter who they are with. Family members, friends, significant others...anyone really.

So, I leave you with this small post about making sure that in the end you make yourself happy. Don't make yourself miserable by doing anything and everything to make others happy. Relationships need to be balanced. It's about give and take and compromise.

Personally I struggle with this since it had always been ingrained in me that I have to make others happy to have them want to be around me. As an adult I realize that this is not the case. Yet, it is a hard habit to break and one that I am still working on.

Pep Talk For Every Writer & More

Every once and a while I see not only online but in person, that even though someone has achieved so much they still need a pep talk. And well pep talks is something that I've gotten rather good at over the years.

That being said, here is my pep talk for both published authors and us (myself included) aspiring authors. (You can also use this for anyone else who is chasing and those who are working their dream job)

There are two things that I've learned that you need to do and remember.

1. No matter what enjoy what you doing, always remember that you are doing something you love.
              - Don't let anyone, including yourself, turn you against something that you love. That means that you shouldn't burn yourself out to the point that you hate what you had once loved. (I've personally did this with film, which I have my degree in) If you need to take a break from a project or from work itself, then do it. Let it be an hour, a day or a few, then do it. When you come back to it, you will be refreshed and clearheaded to only improve what you are working on.
              - Don't compare your work to other peoples. No one does anything like you do or love what you love. If you try to do something that you don't love then you can see it. Follow your heart and chase what you love and don't let anyone else try to convince you that what you love is wrong. And know that you are not lone in your struggles. Every author has someone saying why are you doing that? Why don't you do this there is more money in it. Ignore them. Follow your gut and as long as you are able to keep doing what you love is worth more than all the money in the world if you ask me. (Though it is really nice to be able to pay the bills, which is really important if you ask me.)

2. Celebrate all victories no matter how small.
           - I don't care how big or small a victory is, take it. Don't beat yourself over pitfalls, bumps in the road, any type of setbacks, rejections, or smack talk people might do.
           - Let it be sending out a manuscript for the first time or the one thousandth time after a rejection, the fact that you are still putting yourself out there is an amazing feat in itself.
           - Get some good feedback from an industry professional or a critique partner, take it, think about it (you don't have to always use it) and see what will really make your work better, and celebrate that you have someone who is there to give you productive feedback. They are there to make you, not everyone has this. Celebrate this, don't beat yourself up over the feedback that you might not like. If you don't feel to the core that it wont make your work better, then don't use it.
           - If you get a rejection from an agent or an editor than thank your luck stars, don't beat yourself up for it. The industry is subjective. Everyone has their own tastes and not everyone is going to love your work. That's the reality for both readers and industry professionals. Do you really want someone working with something you've spent so much time on that doesn't love your manuscript just as much as you do. Hold out until you find that perfect team of agent, and editor for your work. Look at the bright side of things, not the rejections in itself.
           - When you do get the big offer from representation from the right agent, that they sell your first book, and get all those great reviews, then all that hard work you put into it is worth it. Now get back to work and keep doing what your doing and through all those hard times you can see those baby steps of little celebrations with the big ones and it will help get you through the roughest of lows you have.

Well there you go. A pep talk broken into two main components that have been keeping me going as I learn this industry and try to make my mark in it. Keep your head up and I'll do the same as I make the baby steps to reaching my ultimate goal. Cause I will make it, it's just a matter of time and I'm more than willing to keep working on it even if it years.

Dietary Changes

Stomach issues have always run in my family. With two sisters with Chrones and extended family with IBS, it's comes to no surprise that I my self am dealing with stomach issues.

It sucks I know. Know the worst part of it? My doctor doesn't know what is causing it. Since nothing seems consistant and my symptoms are not matching that of Chrones we are doing a lot of trial and errors to figure out what is causing me issues.

What issues do you ask? Well, have you ever been so bloated from food that you feel like someone is trying to rip your spine out through your chest? No? Well I do. It seems no matter what I eat that I am always bloated and at times get in so much pain that I debate on going to the ER, even though I know that in 3-5 hours it will go away. For those that get abdominal pains at times you know of the wonders of a heating pad. That's my automatic go to. Which doesn't help. So, I try some yoga poses and whatnot, but have yet to find anything to reduce the pain till it just goes away naturally.

It's probably dietary right? So, stop eating out and eating junk food, silly and it will all go back to normal! Well, here's the thing. I don't eat all that much junk food. Don't get me wrong, no one is perfect and I for one like many other women out there love there chocolate and ice cream. Not to mention on the days on the long drive home from the day job that the last thing I want to do when I get home is to cook. Thus meaning I do what other Americans do. I stop at the fast food place on the way home.

But you just said that you don't eat junk food! I know what I said, but when it comes to fast food there are levels of healthy food that is out there. Yes, I realize what I just said. But there are a few places that I do avoid.... burger joints, and all things fried. That means I will hit up a Chipotle (buritto bowls are awesome. Rice, meat, no dairy products, lettuce, and salsa) and a Hawaiian place (grilled chicken, rice and pasta salad, though I should avoid the pasta salad), along with a sandwich shop are usually the go tos. Oh, and can't forget the salads that Safeway has. Those are all more healthy than many of the alternatives that are out there. I also avoid soda as much as I can. I might have one a week.

There are some habits that I definately need to add to my week. And the big one is working out. Let it going for a run or a walk around the block, I find that I've been putting my career ahead of my health. With working a desk job a hour away from my apt and once home I start working on my writing or reading for Novelous Ladies blog, I'm almost always at a desk or couch. YIKES! I know this needs to change not just for my physical health but for my mental as well, yet I find it one of the harder things to change.

With my doctors keeping an eye on my health, we are working on cutting possible foods that are causing my pains and bloating. That means no diary (already do for the most part), no gluten (that is mostly found in wheat, I've also been tested for allergies for this and it came back negative), also we are narrowing down foods that are naturally gassy (doing this about one at a time....I suggest googling a list of foods, trust me it will surprise you), also this means no beer (this one isn't always so hard, but with roommates and being young the places to hangout are mostly bars).

Along with cutting foods out, I'm also going to start keeping a food diary. That means I'm writing down everything that I eat and if any reactions occur from eating them.

Basically I'm conducting a giant experiment with my body to see what is causing me so much paid. The worst part? The fact the big flair-ups of pain aren't consistent. I eat something once and I'm fine. I try the same thing again and four hours latter I'm curled up in a ball of pain. The worst of it only usually happens maybe once or twice a month, every few months. Yea, I don't get it either. My body is weird.

I sympathize with all those that have dietary issues. I know mine are rather small compared to others, like my sisters, but damn does this suck. Looking on the bright side of things though...with having to keep such a close eye on what I'm eating means as well as forcing myself to make the time to be healthy and work out, means that I'm most likely going to lose a few pounds. Either way as long as I don't end up being in paid for long periods of time,  I will be a happy camper.

I'll keep you all updated with how my experiment goes and if I find some tasty healthy food recipies I'll let you all know.

Here is a lesson that you guys can learn from me: bloating is not fun and can be caused by some really random foods and that it is important to stay healthy and make sure to keep going to your doctor to get checked out. Being in pain is NOT normal!