New surroundings

This week I have packed up most of my things and semi moved out of California to Utah. Yeah I know it's Utah and most people have given me a lot of crap about it. One thing that they really don't realize is that the job market in California really sucks right now and I can't get a job any where. And after 6 months of that it gets a little depressing. Writing my novel has helped a lot as well as writing for TALI. Since the holidays are rolling around and Sundance Film Festival soon after means that I'm going to be in Utah anyways, so why spend the money on traveling back and forth? So I am now living with some family up here and once Sundance is done will reevaluate things and decide if I should stay or go back to California.

I will admit that deciding to come here even for a two months was really hard. Half of my extended family lives up here and most of my close family lives in California and hate Utah. The fact that they all are upset and don't understand what I'm doing is really frustrating.

So here I am giving it a shot. My cat at my side making sure I don't lose my sanity and going to see if I find a job. If I do great, I'll stay. If not. Well I can always go back to California.

The drive up here was a long one at about 11 hours long, and with a cat who gets car sick wasn't super fun. The first three hours of the drive is very bumpy and made the kitty not happy. Lets say that I had to pull over several times to clean up the carrier. Poor kitty was such a trooper after surviving all of that. She was half asleep the rest of the way and made sure I was wide awake for the rest of the drive. Needless to say that once we got here we were both more than happy to be out of the car. Most cats would be hell to live with after that, but in the last five years my cat has lived with me and my sister (when I wasn't allowed pets in my apt while in school) she has done road trips from Cali to New Mexico, New Mexico to Portland and back, and then New Mexico to Utah and Utah to Cali. I'm sure I'm missing a few, other road trips. Lets just say that between the two of us we have moved around a lot. Ok I'm done talking about my cat and how amazing she is. Such a good little supervisor kitty.

Well I should really be editing. I was wanting to get my novel edited in time for Christmas and well at this pace its not looking like I can get it done. But I'm still going to work my butt off and try to get it done.

Hope you all have a happy holidays.

What about Bob?

Sitting here, I'm trying to get motivated to edit another chapter in the book that I've been working on getting done. And to be honest I'm a little freaked out that I'm not going to get it done in time for Christmas. My goal is to be able to print copies with a nice binding to give to family and friends for holiday gifts. But I'm not sure if it will be finished enough for me to feel comfortable for people to read yet. There is still a lot to be done when it comes to cleaning things up, fixing the flow, plot holes, over explaining, etc. Then again when it comes down to it no matter how much I edit it, I'm always going to be nervous about people reading my work. Its just a fact. And its also something that I have to get over if I want to be a writer. People are either going to like my work or not. I can't control how people will react to what I do. But I can control how I let it effect my work.

I am a first time author and the only way to learn to be better is by doing. I have to start somewhere and this is it. This is my first book and I hope its not my last, published or not. Everything that I do after this is going to be better, cause I will take what I have learned from this and put it to everything else that I write.

This is when the movie What about Bob? pops in to my head. Baby steps! It is all about baby steps. When something is daunting, just take baby steps towards it. Before you even know it you are there and its all done. So I'm going to take this book in the words of Bob, in baby steps.

So, I'm going to not look at how many more pages I have to edit or how many more chapters, but one paragraph at a time. Before I know it I will be done. One other challenge that I will have is to not over edit things. No matter how many times I go over it I will want to change something. Then again what writer doesn't see changes that they want to make when they reread their work.

Now I am off to take my baby steps towards finishing my first novel and I wish everyone else luck in the baby steps that they take to whatever goals they have for themselves.

Long time no blog

Life has definitely been interesting since I've last posted. I quit an internship and have been hunting for work ever since. I've also spent my summer time helping my sister who had broken her ankle. Which wasn't so fun for her, but it was great to spend time with her and being her driver as we went on an epic road trip. When not helping family out I've been spending a lot of time writing and reading. I have reworked a screenplay, that I've done for school and been working on for like 3 years, is now a novel. The first rough draft is done! It's crazy to think about it. Now the edits are underway. A good friend is helping me fix the book up before I send it out to literary agents and see if I can get it published.

I've always enjoyed writing, but never really thought that I would ever attempt to get anything published. Yet, since I've been unemployed like the rest of America, it doesn't seem like a bad idea. I mean why not try it. I've always enjoyed diving into another world, so why not try to put it on paper and let others join in. Screw all the teachers who have said that they don't like my writing. Course those were mostly analytical papers, but when I actually enjoy writing something then the outcome in totally different. So I'm going to try and see if I can become a published author. And so far I've really enjoyed the whole writing process. Editing isn't the most exciting thing, but seeing that the changes are only making it better is exciting. Not to mention going over it with Haley is great. Time consuming but great in the end. We both have found out that reading it out loud is the best, that way we can make sure it sounds right. And its always great to be able to try to see how someone else might reword a sentence here or there and in the end it turns out better. I don't know what I would do without Haley, plus we always seem to go off on tangents on times, so we make sure to keep each other in check.

I'll admit I do have dyslexia and it sometimes it really shows when I'm typing quickly. It is hard to deal with at times, but in the end more times than not I just have to rearrange a few things and then it will click perfectly in to place. But just being able to write something without having someone telling me what I have to do and that its all not working. In the end I write to make me happy and if I'm able to publish it I will be ecstatic. If not. Hey I can always self publish, or just be happy that I finished a novel on my own. How many finish a novel that they start in the first place. Not many that I know of.

Other than working on my novel, I've been asked to help a friend out who has started her own online magazine, called Think And Loving It. Or TALI for short. I've done three articles for her so far and having a great time doing it. The whole magazine is that just because your a big girl doesn't mean that you can't be sexy and healthy. In other words its a woman's magazine geared towards the plus sized woman. I think that it could end up being a great thing and already has come a long way and I can't wait to see where it goes from there.

So I'll cut things off here and keep from having a long rant. All in all I think I'm taking a turn in my career path from film to author. And we will see if I can find a way to do both. Wish me luck and good luck to the rest of the world as they head in to the stressful holiday season.

One step forward....

So, with all of the stuff that had happened with the first internship I'm starting to get nervous about finding another one. I have two interviews coming up. Both are unpaid part time development internships with what seems to be with legit production companies, but I'm still nervous. I have to drive back down from San Francisco tomorrow to make it for Thursday, with another load of stuff to move. Not really looking forward to packing all of my stuff and leaving my friends again. Although I am excited about moving on past school and getting in to my career, but Im still scared shitless. I miss my roommates and all of the small things that we, like the stupid comments we make while watching TV or movies and the random noises we make for no reason at all. Though we all support each other in where we are going on in life. I'm still going to miss them. They will always be apart of my family and I really need to plan out more trips up here to see them. And I can't wait to see where we all are in five years. I know that Julie will be off in some type of medical field, and Marlie working in a lab or research job, and well me. I'm just hoping to have a job in the film industry being able to pay the bills and maybe even travel some.

As nervous as Iam with the interview, I really am excited. There will be so much potential and being able to actually learn about the industry that this last job didn't do. I get to actually learn and do things that I have been wanting to do since I got in to this degree. This is going to be the first time that I would work with a company that is consistently putting out work and are not all talk. Time to keep looking on the positive and see where this will take me.

As my sister told me "This first internship is what needed to push you to just get to LA. Now that it's done and the door is closed. Now you have other doors that have opened up to choose from. You can't get discouraged by one negative experience to effect how you look on others." You know what she is right. I now have a good story to tell about my first industry job and I wasn't afraid to leave a job that would end up making me hate a career that I love. And that is just one thing that I refuse to let happen.

I once had a person say to me to really think about what I want to do with my life and if I can see myself doing something else then I need to be doing that. Thinking about it I couldn't really think about anything other then film. There is just so much I can do with it. I can do the writing that I love and the logistics of making films that I also love. Why should I give up everything that I like to do? I shouldn't and I wont.

Live and learn. Strive to do your best and don't ever give up doing what you love. I find that there are too many people who are afraid to do what they love. Well. you should be scared, but that shouldn't stop you.

What now...

It has been too long since I posted. I really need to start doing it more often. A whole lot has happened since my birthday and last post.

Started out a good time. Got a internship, started to move half my stuff down back home. And well after four weeks around the worst person in the world, and I don't say that lightly, I left. Learned a lot. Mostly what not to do and realized that no matter what you can't be in a job that will make you end up hating doing something that is your passion. I love the film industry and I wont work with someone who is so negative. Any ways, enough about talking about the negativity that I did with that job. Though I did meet a lot of great people, just not the bossman.

So the search for another internship is on again. The good news is that I have an interview next week to work in development. Wish me luck on it.

What have I been doing with my free time now that I dont have anything to do? Well send out resumes, fix my car (which is more of a pain then needs to be and more expensive then the car is worth), and trying to do some writing. For the writing its mostly by hand outlines, but I need to just bust it out on the computer. Oh and I have been doing a lot of reading.

Gotta get back to SF to finish moving and see the rugby alumni game. Eek so excited to see it. More to tell later days.

Year 23!

So today I turn 23. Crazy to think that time as gone by so quickly. To celebrate my birthday I have decided to take the day off and decided to relax at home. And to my excitement I got my diploma in the mail. When people had asked me what I wanted to my bday I didn't know what to say. But this is something I wasn't expecting. After almost 5 years in SF I finally have my diploma. It took long enough and now reality is really hitting that Iam done. It is time to start the real world by using my degree. Now it is time to get that job, but alas I still haven't heard back from any place yet, but I'm not going to let that stop me from trying. Any ways I still have to get some more writing done. I did send out my treatment to my friend to edit it and she did say that she really liked it. Here is hoping that it is really good. Though I do need to make it longer since it is a bit short, but better short then too long. Any whoo Im off like a bunch of herd of turtles.

The Search

So I have been putting off finishing writing my treatment to have it sent to a friend to edit it for me. I think Im doing it so that I don't have to realy analyze it much. The main character is very much a part of me and it is a kind of therapy for me to write it. Its more of a confrontation of my insecurities, then anything else. And I think it will make the script that much more powerful, but at the same time it will make it harder for me to have people criticize it. What doesn't hurt me with only make me stronger. I also need to put all the novels I have been wanting to read away. Finished a Laurel K Hamilton and a Kelley Armstrong, and as long as I don't go to the bookstore and buy the next ones in the searies then I think I might be able to get some work done.

Now as for my job hunt...Well Iam really frustrated. I have not heard back from anyone yet. But I haven't sent out that many resumes yet. I'm starting to debate on sending out some for internships, but with those being unpaid makes it hard. So Im trying to decide if I should try to take out a loan and try to survive off of take while working to get experience that will lead to a higher paying job. Or at least that is the goal. Don't quite know if that will actually happen, so I have to try to decide and soon. Trying not to stress about it. This is what I want to do and well by gone it. I will.

What now?

So, it has been a month since my last posting and so much has happened. Went to my gradfathers funeral and was able to see all my cousins and there families, which I haven't been able to do in years. Then a short week later it was time to go to the Sundance Film Festival. I can not even get all to words out to explain the wonder it was to volunteer there. But I will try anyways.

Before I got there I was having a hard time with my creativity. I had hit this wall. I knew what I wanted to do, but wasn't able to get it out. But while at Sundance there was all this insparation around me. Going to some of the panels as well as the New Frontier exhibit made it so that I was jittery with creativity, but alas no where to put it. There was the hitRECord.org people, whom Iam hoping to be able to work with some later, who had computers to help do editing. But alas, my timing Really sucked. There was always someone else on it busy editing or they were recording. But everyone who I talked that worked with hitRECord, all had this passion for film and making it a colaborative thing, that you couldn't help but want to be around them. Dan and Lula, I doubt you will ever read this, but it was a pleasure to talk to you guys and I hope to talk to you guys again. Down to earth people who are passionate and genereally great people are always a pleasure to be around, and you guys made hitRECord and fun place to come by and see. It was as if I had lost apart of myself and I was finally able to find it again.

And let me just say how refreshing that was. I do have an idea to make my first feature film to be working with the production company. It would be great to be able to my little script about me and my roommates in to a reality, with the help of people all around the world. Alas it is another dream that I will have to work hard to make in to a reality, but it is something that is 100% possible. It will just take time.

Any ways I was able to see only about 6 films at sundance, which they were all amazing, but next year I will be staying closer and determined to see more. As well as see more panels.

So whats next in my life now? Well that is a good question. Iam back working in accounting again, only took a month off with everything happening. But Iam starting to send out my resume around in search to find a job in the industry, while I try to keep up my writing. I have decided to keep this blog going and keep an update with my script and search for that open door in to the industry. I know it will be hard road, but as someone told me at Sundance, "If you see yourself doing something else for a living, you need to be doing that. Don't go in to the film industry if you can see yourself somewhere else. It is too hard of a road to do so otherwise." Well that is true and I did sit there for a minute to see if I could see myself doing something else. And the only thing that came up to my mind is NOTHING. I want to do this no matter how hard it might be. I know I wont be rich, but I will be doing what I love and that is enough for me. Well off to try to be productive. LOVES and HUGs. Never fear your dreams, persue them, never run away.

The End of a Chapter and the Beginning of Another

It is official Iam done with school. There is no more worrying about having to take any exams or write papers that really have no use. Now there is the world open before me and it is up to me where to go and what to do. I have come the the end of the path that has been laid in front of me by my parents that I have been able to move only a little on. Now that I have finished it there is endless opportunities now. I know so far everything that I have said sounds cheesy, and it is but it still hasn't hit me yet that I now have a college degree. So, now what? That is the question.

With the coming of the new started with joy, that went to worry and is now gone to grief. Tyleah has gone in to the hospital with another flair up and I didn't find out untill day two in the hospital. Not so fun. But she is done and out now, but is still some problems yet that is to be expected. Now as for the grief part my grandfather passed away. It is sad that he is gone, but after having dealt with Alzheimer's and having his health deteriorate, it was his time to go. With him being so out of it for so long, Iam happy that he is no longer in pain. He is now in a place that isn't like being in a prison of his own body and is able to remember that basic daily bodily movements. It has hard for him to go like this but Iam hoping that it wont affect my grandmothers health any more. With her focusing on his health for so long her health has started to faultier. So hopefully she will be able to take better care of herself. It will be hard losing the person that she has been with for so long.

I didn't really know what else to do today even though I was at work, so I have now planned out most of my sisters flights and info. Its going tobe interesting to see everyone together. Even with Tiana not talking to my Mom, it should be interesting to see how it all goes. Just hoping that it wont be too stressful. Instead of only staying for the weekend Iam just going to stay for the extra week to help out where I can, while hoping that I will be able to get my writing done before sundance. While it will suck not having any money being made this month, it will be worth going to Sundance and hope to be able to help out with the family. There are times that I think that they really dont think I care about them, but that is not the matter at all. I just have found that my family doesn't say how much they care or appreciate each other as we should.

It is sad that in one person's death that everyone else realizes what they missing in life. It is in the loss that people decide to change there life or see what they want to change or do different, but they either do it or will always think about doing it and never go through with it. I hope to be the one that sees what they want to do and then do it. While there are still things that I fear of doing, I hope to be able to face my fears and only come out the end stronger.

Here is to a lost loved one and to take the opportunity of being a new graduate and see where life takes me. There is no stopping me in what I can and can't do. Meet the next major Producer, Writer, and hopefully director. Yup that is me Iam talking about. And there is nothing that can stop me.