Sadly in the last couple of days both in the news and talking with friends, abuse both physical and sexual have been the focus on topic. And it both makes me sad and infuriates me when people say "boys will be boys", "girls are asking for it", as well as when women don't take steps to not let themselves become a victim. I just want to scream, "FIGHT BACK! STAND UP FOR YOURSELF! DON'T LET THEM WALK ALL OVER YOU!" Is it scary to fight back? Hell yes, but it's worse than if you don't.
What do I mean by that? By steps to not be a victim? I mean, be strong. I mean, stand up for yourself. Don't let someone force you into a situation that can end badly. Follow your gut insticts.
Shouldn't it be easy enough for men to stop when a woman says "no"? It should be, but unfortunately it's not. Another sad thing is that when in the work place, and in school when women report an attack more times than not nothing is done to the attacker. Only leaving the victim to more abuse later on from reporting something. This was the case that my roommate and her family in the past. And because of this I personally think it's placed a negative mindset that will make her fall into the victim catagory.
As a women who lives in a city that not only goes about the city alone, but travels alone, I believe that even when lost in a bad part of town that you need to act strong, pretend that you know exactly where you are going. For the creeps that are out there, for the predators, they look for someone who has that victim feel. That thing that says "I'm an easy target."
Even if you have to fake it, it's better than nothing. It makes people think twice.
Now what about when at a bar or at work, it's the same thing. There are still predators, and I believe that it's just as bad if a women doesn't take a stand for her comfort. If your gut says not to be alone in the room with someone, then don't. A woman's gut is a powerful thing in my opinion. It's important to listen to it. When someone invades your personal space, you tell them to back up. If they touch you even innocently, say on the arm, if you don't want them touching you, you say so.
To me, if you let someone that your gut is screaming at you isn't safe, to invade your space over and over then it's letting them get the courage to push the line more. Especially if it is a work environment I think it's key to do this, so if something does happen even more to cross the line you are able to say with concrete certainty that you told them to stop more than once. Then maybe, just maybe for once they will listen and do something about it.
The fact that I have a grown roommate women that is strong and independent let someone repeatedly invade her personal space without saying back off scares the living daylights out of me. Even after talking with male co-works about how someone makes some of the girls feel uncomfortable resulted in hostility towards the girls, "Are you going to file a complaint?" "He hasn't done anything to cross the line. He just makes us uncomfortable." "Then stop over reacting." is what she gets in response, the women end up doing nothing. Not even telling the guy to back up when he invades their personal space.
This infuriates me like none other. And it saddens me. Take steps into your own hands to stay safe ladies. If you don't want to be alone with someone, then don't. Stand up for yourself and set boundaries with those you're gut says is dangerous. If walking around a city alone, even in day light carry pepper spray. Be aware of your surroundings. If someone is walking towards you down a street and you get a bad vibe, then cross the street. Let other peoples feelings be damned. When it comes to your personal safety, that's all that matters. Park in lighted areas, don't go to places alone if you don't feel comfortable. And if you someone is doing something you don't want towards you, ie touches your, says something, or invades your personal space, then say something.
Help yourself, even just a little, by not letting yourself easily fall into the victim catagory. Though I do believe that if a predator is going to attack, they are going to do so. But they are less inclined to do so if someone is going to fight back. And ladies, you should always fight back when it comes to your safety. No one deserves abuse; physical, emotional, sexual. Don't ever let anyone make you feel lesser. Stand up for yourself and know that you deserve the best.
It's sad that even today we have to fight for our right to our safety and that men who are predators are still able to get away with so much, just cause "they were asking for it," "they didn't really mean no when they said it," "or boys will be boys." That is not the case. Real men don't attack women. Real men don't physically or emotionally abuse women. We shouldn't have to teach our women to "not be asking for it." Instead of just teaching men to not be predators, and that no means no. And how women deserve to be treated.
I'll end my rant on this now, since it's so sad and infuriating. Be strong, follow your dreams, and don't let anyone tell you that you deserve less than amazing happiness.
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