I was going to do a big long post about romance in real life vs in novels and realized one thing...that it is a big enough subject to be a novel in itself. But here is something that as I've learned since coming into adulthood. Don't expect real life romance and relationships to be like they are in the books. Don't expect novels to have real life romances in them. But here is the thing that will contradict all of that. It can happen. There are people who do have a real life romance that is like a romance novel. And there are messy, drama filled romances that don't end in a happy ending that are in books.
You are also not destined to have the same type of relationship that you were raised around. You can decide if you want to stay in a relationship or not. And if it's not healthy and abusive then leave. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and love. Don't settle for the worst just to be able to say that someone loves you.
"But, I want it now!" yea, life doesn't work like that. For the most part from what I've been around, love finds you when you least expect it. Let it be from getting caught staring at a guys t-shirt logo while walking to get coffee on university campus, to have him find you in the student center an hour later to ask you out (yes this happened to my roommate and her now boyfriend) or to having a college friend become your future husband (yup, my sister and soon to be brother-in-law). You can't force love to happen. It's about timing, putting yourself out there and the right person.
From there, there is no formula as to what happens next. And that is why I love romance novels so much. Yes, in the books they have to have a happy ending, but it's about the journey that gets you there. More and more now, it's happy for now endings, not just ever after. Cause guess what...Love is hard. It has it's ups and it's down. You can love someone, but not like them very much in a moment. It's a working relationship that draws me to writing them. It's the struggles of getting over bone deep issues that you hadn't realized where their and wouldn't have been able to get out and over if you hadn't had that person to help you along the way.
Just cause I'm single and fine with that, doesn't mean that I can't write romance. I've had a friend say "How can you write a good romance novel, if you don't date?" "Well, Jerk, (I did call him a jerk) I don't have to have love to know what it looks like. Or the struggles and fears of putting yourself out there for the potential of getting your heart crushed. I know what it's like to be afraid to put yourself out there. And that's what my books are about. Getting through all that fear, to keep from fighting yourself to not run away from something good and unfamiliar for the familiarity of being alone." My friend sat there and thought about it for a moment, but I don't think her really understood what I meant by this. Personally I think he meant the physical stuff. I mean most guys think that way, or so they do most the time, but I was talking the more mental roadblocks that comes with dating and romance.
Anyways, sitting with my morning coffee pondering over all the different types of romances, relationships and how people go about them was making my brain hurt. Their is just so many different ways of going about them and there is no one right way. As much as being in a relationship would be nice, it's the fear of them that keeps me going and putting myself out there. Fear is the mind killer (reference from Dune, yup I'm a nerd), and it's facing those fears that make it all the sweater when you get past them and come out the end a stronger and happier person. Plus when it comes to romance you have a partner in crime to help hold your hand when you need it.
Well, I better get back to writing. And I can't wait to keep putting myself out there in the dating world. As scary as it is, I get a good story out of it to keep myself with good writing fuel.
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