Squashing Doubts

It's been a week since I've made the announcement that I've decided to start on the path of being self published. Since then I've had one friend release her debut novel and another release her cover for her book that will be releasing later on in the year. And I'm so proud of these ladies that I'm vibrating with excitement for all the hard work that they have put into self publishing their work. Let me tell you their covers are drop dead gorgeous. Even though I've only known these girls for about a month now, and only a week of that in person, they have become a huge support of my writing as well as an amazing inspiration.

But it's those pesky doubts that are popping up in the back of my head as I've worked on changing my schedule to get the most progress done as possible that is holding back my progress. As I stare at the computer with a completed novel that I've been doing multiple edits on for what feels like a decade, in reality only 2 years, I start to question myself throwing a huge brick wall in any progress that might have been possible that day.

What doubts do you have? You've done so much already that there should be no doubts that you are doing the right thing. That's what I keep telling myself, but it's those annoying, your writing isn't good enough. Why are you even thinking about spending all this money that you don't have laying around to be spent if you are doubting yourself and your skills.

Well, let me tell you something doubts...FUCK OFF! I think these doubts are something that all authors deal with throughout their entire career. And the fact that I've decided to invest in myself and join the revolution of self publishing means that I will have to fight off more of these doubts than someone who has a publishing house that is investing in their work.

The fact that I have a completed work is something that I take much pride in. The fact that I have several other works in progress on top of holding down a full time job is something that I'm also proud of. The thing that I should be even more proud of is that I'm doing something with those works. I'm not hiding what I'm passionate about, so why am I doubting myself.

The only real answer that I can come up with for that questions is that I'm human. We are all full with doubts. It's what we do with them that defines us. Do we let the doubts turn in to fears that hold us back from everything that we want to do? FUCK NO! I will not let my doubts and fears hold me back in something that I'm wanting to turn into a full time career.

And with that I stand tall and say to myself, I'm a pre-published author and nothing happens overnight. It is the things that we struggle with and fight our way through that when we come out the other side feels the most satisfying. We can say we went through all this crap to come out the other side a better person.

 

One of my favorite quotes from an author comes from Frank Herbert in his first Dune novel about fear:

 

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
― Frank Herbert, Dune

 

I will not let fear be my mind killer. I will achieve my goals, like my friends who have self published and stand with glowing pride of all the things that I've done. And with that I will get back to my path and keep making progress on my work to reach my goal of being a published author.

 

Don't let doubts rule you. Squash your doubts and fears and reach for the stars.