Character Body Insecurities

This past week has apparently been the week where I write all the sex scenes in my book in one go. While I was working on them, yes as in more than one, I realized one thing when I look back....my female characters are insecure in their bodies at first. This doesn't just go for my current work in progress but my contemporary as well. Which got me thinking about other books I've read. And more times than not my characters aren't alone in their insecurities.

It's not the insecurities of what will this person or others think of me for the fact that I'm having sex, that I'm enjoying it, or that they are willing to do more than just missionary position. My characters have no shame when it comes to sex. It's good. They like it. A lot. And are willing to try different positions and in different places.

No these are insecurities in their bodies. The fact that they are all curvy and end up with men that they consider to be out of their league body wise, meaning why would a guy with six pack abs want to be with a girl with a tummy that giggles and whose clothing size aren't in the single digit range, means nothing to the men. It isn't until after that first or second time that their man comes to them with a hard-on without any stimulation from their female counter parts and that they have their way with their body for them to realize that they like their significant other just the way they are.

My female characters aren't timed women who can't make up their minds. No, they are strong women who know what they want in life and go for it. They just happen to be 'broken' when it comes to their personal relationships with men. Which in reality is a normal thing for us women to wonder why a man who we deem as attractive would want to sleep with us, let alone spend more time with us when all we see is every blemish.

Here's what I've come to the conclusion to this question is. It's normal to doubt yourself. To only see the negative things about yourself. To compare yourself to other women, both in real life and the media when in reality we are seeing something that isn't there. Everyone has their insecurities and doubts about why someone would care about them when they only see the negative. For the most part I think that this is bred and berated into us from the media. And it sucks! It doesn't matter what size you are. The big thing is confidence. If you feel hot and sexy, then you are hot and sexy. If you feel it then you are.

Sounds a whole lot easier than it is.

Over the years actress and models have been getting smaller and smaller while the average American is what? 5ft 6 in and a size 14. Well let me tell you something Marilyn Monroe was a size 14. Boom. Just blew your mind didn't I.

Still we put pressure on ourselves to be perfect and well the reality is that we need reassurance from our lovers that they want us, imperfections and all. And if that rolls over into a more personal relationship other than sex then we need reassurance as to why you want us more then just our bodies.

Personally I write my female leads of being more on the curvy side of the scale. They are tall and curvy cause that is what I relate to. And if I'm going to spend so much time into a persons head I need something to connect to and that is one of them for me. They will always have that pestering self doubt but after they feel comfortable with their partners, oh it is on. They hold nothing back as it should be.

Breaking that insecurity with their partners is a liberating feeling. One that they haven't been able to concur with other people. It's also a thing that when they look back they still can't believe that they are with this man who loves them. Not just for the good parts but for their attitude, curves and all. It's what makes them an individual. It's what makes it possible for a reader to connect with the character. Cause we all know what it is like to have doubts about oneself. Especially when we are naked in front of another person. Literally.

But don't get me wrong, as soon as they get that hurtle covered, it is on. No longer do they have to be the one pursued. They are now confident enough to go for something that they want whenever they want it. Yes, I'm talking sex here. This makes their partners very happy at that. Not that the guys don't mind initiating sex all the time. They are already confident enough to go after their business dreams. That they've never doubted themselves in.

Cause even when we know/think the other person likes us enough to sleep with us when it comes down to the getting naked part we all to, 'oh, shit what if they change their mind. What if they don't like what they see?' Well let's put it this way. You are a naked. If they walk away from you then, reality is it will hurt yet in the end it's probably for the better. But more times than not they are excited that they have a naked person in front of them that wants to get down and dirty. Not many people will turn that down.

So I will continue to fight the insecurity that I share, all women share, with my characters as they go in to relationships with men that they think is out of their league. But let me tell you something else....my male characters have doubts too. They wonder how they lucked out with the crazy loud mouth lady who they are head over heals for, when they themselves are loud mouth men who are set in their ways. They wonder if they will be good enough to keep them around and if they are pushing the comfort zones too much cause they want to be around the other so much they want to burst.

Here's what I've discovered in writing sex scenes. Not only is it used to fight insecurities. It's used for reassuring each other. It's used to show how much they care for the other. To distract from the problems in their lives. It's used for so much more than just pleasure. It's used as a way to express one's self when they can't find the right words to do so. And writing a good sex scene is a lot harder than one would think.

Well I've personally learned a lot about my characters from writing these scenes and hope that they don't come across as just gratuitous sex. As much as that's not a bad thing in real life, in a novel it just gets boring if it doesn't move a story along. I shall now head back to writing and battle insecurities of my characters. Just thought I'd share something that I'd noticed recently.