Well let me tell you...I start questioning everything! I question will I fit in? Will they know that I'm the fraud want to be author that will never make it? Will they judge me that I'm pursuing self publishing? They will see all my insecurities and KNOW EVERYTHING! Then I talk myself into stop being stupid with all these insecurities. Everyone I've ever met at a conference has always been sweet. I've never not felt welcome in a group of writers. Quite the opposite actually, but still these doubts and insecurities sneak in making me quite going to the meetings before I even go.
It's this over thinking, over analyzing things that I have no control over that makes me quit before I even start. The funny thing is this last weekend before the meeting started I forced myself into not thinking. Do one thing at a time, pay for attendance a head of time, get dressed, get in the car, drive to Berkeley, find the place, double check I'm in the right location, walk in, find a seat and sit my butt down.
And guess what! I did it! I went to my first local RWA and I regret NOTHING! They had a class on social media/marketing before and after publishing your book and it was a great class. I learned a lot and also confirmed that I'm starting with a good foundation of starting my career off. I'm not afraid to make the time to do social media before I'm even published, I'm not scared to do the marketing/branding on my own. All of which is a part of the business that not a lot of writers like doing.
I'll admit to a funny story that happened while I first got to the meeting. I was so nervous I immediately asked where the restroom was and when I came back to find a seat in the front row of the small room (everyone had gotten a seat before me) and realized I left my cell phone in the bathroom stall. When I realized this a few seconds after I sat down I wanted to fall forward on the table and thump my head on it in stupidity. Not wanting to forever lose my phone in a brewery bathroom I found a moment where people weren't talking too much and practically ran out of the room down the stairs to the bathroom. Yup my phone was still there. But I felt like a complete doofus for leaving it and literally turning around the second I sit down in the front row. Hands shaking that everyone will remember the girl with purple hair that practically ran out of the room I pulled out my notepad and forced myself to relax.
The rest of the meeting went without any issues and I'm glad I stayed. I talked to one person and glad I did. Next time I go I will make sure to talk more and maybe even stay for lunch to interact more with local writers. While I love my writer friends across the country it would be nice to have someone local that understands the writer me.
So, here's the moral of the story....don't over think. Follow your gut and stop questioning it. As you can see from my over thinking I've put myself back months on meeting with local writers that I could become friends with. I've done this in the past with some of my writing. All of which I now smack myself over the head for.
My gut has been right more times than not, and it's the questioning the over thinking that ends up putting me back in a place that was father back in my writing or my career than I should be. It's only been in this last year or so that I've come to really understand the over thinking. When I catch myself doing it I literally give myself a pep talk to stop. To really look at why I'm doing it. In the end it's looking for an excuse. Don't do that.
So I won't over think going to RWA meetings or hopefully much else in my writing career. Oh I know that it will happen again and again, but I wont let it consume me. To stop me from achieving my goals. That being said I'm off to do some writing. I'm getting closer and closer to finishing the first draft of a new manuscript and can't wait to get it done before I get edits back from editors.
That will be a new challenge in its self in not overthinking or analyzing. A challenge that I'm excited to take on and share the rest of my journey with you all.
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