Fork in the Road

A few weeks ago I finally decided that if I was going to go through with my plans of self publishing my work before my birthday next year that I have to get to work. I have the manuscript done, yes, but that doesn't mean the work is nearly close to being done. This particular manuscript I had tried to shop around to different agents all with rejections. Does that mean I'm a bad writer? Hell no. I just means I hadn't found that right person. With the desire to self publish always in the back of my head, I've decided that it's time...time to take my writing in my own hands and find someone to help me grow.

What does that mean exactly? It means it's time that I find an editor. Someone who knows how to make a manuscript shine. Someone who isn't emotionally attached with the manuscript. Someone who isn't afraid to tell you what's wrong with what you've written, but who knows how to take it and turn it around for the better.

And that's what I finally have done. I still haven't officially hired my editor, but I do believe that I found the right person to work with to give my manuscript the same attention that it would have if it had gone through a New York publisher. Cause that is my one main goal when it comes to my work and putting it out there on my own. I want to give it the time, attention and effort that it deserves. That I can continue on with my career goals to be a hybrid author. That means both self publishing and traditional publishing.

It wasn't until I got my sample pages back that I realized one thing...Holy mother of all that is holy, I have a crap tone of work to do a head of me to make this story good. Like all creative types when getting critiques we wallow and question our talent. I admit I did the same. Mentally smacking myself upside the head for questioning if I wanted to follow through with this particular story I realized one major thing. We all have to start some where.

This is my starting place. Standing at a fork in the road I am left with four choices. I can stick with this editor and manuscript. Put in the time and plenty of hard work to make this work what I believe it can be. Or I can ignore the great advice from the editor on where I need to work on my technical writing, and find someone who will cater to me making me think I'm the next best thing than sliced bread. Thus making a horrible choice and potentially killing my career before I even really start it. Or I can trash the manuscript that I've spent already so many hours in to creating and move on. Finally I have one out. I could quit. I could stop the pain an agony of all the hard hours of killing my darling manuscript only to rebuild it. I could quit the career that I want before I even start and become a hobby writer. (After thinking this I gave it a resounding HELL TO THE NO)

After thinking about it for a few days I realize this...to improve and get where I want to be in life I have to start some where. Even the best authors have started some where. They all look back on that first novel and see where they have grown.

This is where I will look back to realize that I decided to truly take life by the horns on making my dreams into a reality. I've said it in the past, if I'm not willing to invest in myself then why should I believe that publisher should. And it's true. Money investment is one thing, but now it's about the time and commitment to putting in the work to really make this manuscript shine.

Can I do it? Fuck yes I can. Will it be easy? Hell to the no. Will I cry and doubt myself? Fuck yes. I'm only human. Will I fail? Maybe, but not in the sense that I gave up.

Robyn Carr gave a keynote speech a few years ago at my first RWA that really stuck with me. I'll paraphrase to the basics. Write with no fear. It is the fear that will hold you back to your full potential. The only time that you will truly fail in this career is if you quit. So, don't quit no matter how hard it becomes. Keep writing. And remember most overnight successes are 20 years in the making.

So, today is day one (or something more like 10) in realizing that just kicking that metaphorical door down means it's time to do the real work. As terrifying as it might be, I know I'm ready. I'm ready to beat up my manuscripts to be the best they can be in the realization that I've gone through worse things. I'm a survivor of many things. This is one thing that I can control. One thing that is up to me to make a reality. I can fail by not trying. Or I can be come a market failure. Where as I succeed in creating something that I invested in the right people only to not have the right timing for people to buy my work.

Personally I rather be a market failure, than to fail in not trying at all.

So, here I go. It's time to put myself through the rounds that a professional author goes through. And i hope you all will stick with me through this wild ride. I can guarantee some crazy ups and downs. But in the end I will stand up with my hands held above my head with a cheer of "I did it! Let's do it again."