Questioning yourself...

Last weekend was the first time I'd attended the local RWA (Romance Writers of America) meeting. This is where once a month members of the RWA gather for a class and meeting. I've attended the National Conference they have once a year before but I've always chickened out attended a local meeting. Why is it that I'm fine attending large conferences but the small meetings freak me out?

Well let me tell you...I start questioning everything! I question will I fit in? Will they know that I'm the fraud want to be author that will never make it? Will they judge me that I'm pursuing self publishing? They will see all my insecurities and KNOW EVERYTHING! Then I talk myself into stop being stupid with all these insecurities. Everyone I've ever met at a conference has always been sweet. I've never not felt welcome in a group of writers. Quite the opposite actually, but still these doubts and insecurities sneak in making me quite going to the meetings before I even go.

It's this over thinking, over analyzing things that I have no control over that makes me quit before I even start. The funny thing is this last weekend before the meeting started I forced myself into not thinking. Do one thing at a time, pay for attendance a head of time, get dressed, get in the car, drive to Berkeley, find the place, double check I'm in the right location, walk in, find a seat and sit my butt down.

And guess what! I did it! I went to my first local RWA and I regret NOTHING! They had a class on social media/marketing before and after publishing your book and it was a great class. I learned a lot and also confirmed that I'm starting with a good foundation of starting my career off. I'm not afraid to make the time to do social media before I'm even published, I'm not scared to do the marketing/branding on my own. All of which is a part of the business that not a lot of writers like doing.

I'll admit to a funny story that happened while I first got to the meeting. I was so nervous I immediately asked where the restroom was and when I came back to find a seat in the front row of the small room (everyone had gotten a seat before me) and realized I left my cell phone in the bathroom stall. When I realized this a few seconds after I sat down I wanted to fall forward on the table and thump my head on it in stupidity. Not wanting to forever lose my phone in a brewery bathroom I found a moment where people weren't talking too much and practically ran out of the room down the stairs to the bathroom. Yup my phone was still there. But I felt like a complete doofus for leaving it and literally turning around the second I sit down in the front row. Hands shaking that everyone will remember the girl with purple hair that practically ran out of the room I pulled out my notepad and forced myself to relax. 

The rest of the meeting went without any issues and I'm glad I stayed. I talked to one person and glad I did. Next time I go I will make sure to talk more and maybe even stay for lunch to interact more with local writers. While I love my writer friends across the country it would be nice to have someone local that understands the writer me.

So, here's the moral of the story....don't over think. Follow your gut and stop questioning it. As you can see from my over thinking I've put myself back months on meeting with local writers that I could become friends with. I've done this in the past with some of my writing. All of which I now smack myself over the head for.

My gut has been right more times than not, and it's the questioning the over thinking that ends up putting me back in a place that was father back in my writing or my career than I should be. It's only been in this last year or so that I've come to really understand the over thinking. When I catch myself doing it I literally give myself a pep talk to stop. To really look at why I'm doing it. In the end it's looking for an excuse. Don't do that.

So I won't over think going to RWA meetings or hopefully much else in my writing career. Oh I know that it will happen again and again, but I wont let it consume me. To stop me from achieving my goals. That being said I'm off to do some writing. I'm getting closer and closer to finishing the first draft of a new manuscript and can't wait to get it done before I get edits back from editors.

That will be a new challenge in its self in not overthinking or analyzing. A challenge that I'm excited to take on and share the rest of my journey with you all.

Importance of Accounting

As most of you know I've fallen into accounting as a day job since I was in college. While I studied film accounting help pay my bills and put me through school, keeping me out of the dreaded retail that so many people fall into during school. While the day job held me back from pursuing internships I will never regret taking that first job in accounting and the job that currently hold now.

Why you ask?

Well let me tell you. This is one job that no matter where I am in life I can apply what I've learned into my personal life. While I've been in accounts payable (I'm the person that pays all the bills and makes sure that they are on time and that we are paying what we are supposed to be paying and when. Specifically with contracted companies as well as overhead costs. That's the cost of doing business). Well now that I'm diving in to the self publishing world I'm realizing more and more just how valuable this knowledge is if I actually apply it my everyday life and now personal business.

So instead of writing first thing this morning I find myself doing something I never thought I would be doing on my day off from the day job. I'm making a spreadsheet. I know it's terrifying, but not only will it help when it comes to doing my taxes, but it is going to help me figure out my budget for the next year as I dive head first into self publishing.

If you don't think publishing is expensive then you need to wake up and smell the coffee cause it can be. Don't get me wrong you can get a good book out on a tight budget but you have to know the right people, do it yourself, or talk prices down. Not only are you looking at production costs, but you also have to take into consideration marketing and travel. Personally I'm planning on going to conferences not only to as a marketing tactic but as a way to help hone my craft. If you're not careful those cost can and will add up too fast that you don't know what hit you and you can't pay your bills.

Well I'm a stubborn bastard and until I find critique partners that I trust then I'm willing to spend the extra money on good editing, cause in the end there are two things in my personal opinion that will help or kill your sales. That is your cover art and the actual writing. Promotional items I can make on my own. Other marketing strategies I can do on a very limited budge. I'm a creative person after all, so I can come up with something for cheap that will stand out.

But you can't fake a good cover or good editing skills. So, I'm sitting down making a spreadsheet to help not only visualize what I've spent in the last year on conventions (all you can write off on your taxes FYI) but what are the estimated costs of each book I've got with editors and the possibility of how I can spread out the cost/save to make sure that I'm not breaking my own bank account.

So if you are going to a business make sure that you take into account the accounting that goes with it. As painful as it might be making those spreadsheets it will help put the whole picture into perspective. Not only will it help you budget for future books but it will help you make a game plan as to when you can realistically publish a book and make sure that you have the funding for all the costs that go with it.

That being said I wish that I had done this long ago. And personally plan on keeping track of all costs as well as what each book makes each month after I publish. This is what every business does. And while I may be a writer, this is something that will help my push my writing business in a direction that I'm not sure everyone does.

Guess what? As a self published author you aren't just the author, you're the publisher as well. That means not only am I running a publishing business I'm the creative aspect. I'll let you take that in for a minute. I'm the product and the administration and the CFO and marketing director and COO and president. I wear many hats. To be able to do that cleanly that means spreadsheets. That means doing the accounting.

So keep track of your receipts, as well as all the costs that are involved in what you are doing. In the end many of them can be written off in the end. But trust me, don't forget about accounting. It's a good safety net for you as a company. Don't just pay something cause you heard that someone is good. Do research into the people you are hiring. Also here is a big one...read the invoices! You can't believe how many times there is an error on one. If there is something there that you didn't agree to then don't pay it until you get an invoice that reflects what you agreed upon. Then don't trash it! Save the invoice and write on it how you paid. If you paid with a hard check then make a copy and attach it to a copy of the invoice. This will save you just incase they come back to say that you didn't pay them.

Don't forget about accounting! It can save you in the end as much as you might hate doing it.

Conferences for 2014

This year I've decided that I will be attending at least two conferences to not only learn more about my craft but to also pimp out my future novels that I will be publishing this year and next. For now here is the current list that I will be fore attending.

Romance Times Booklovers Con in New Orleans in mid May
Romance Writers of America Nationals in San Antonio TX in July

There are a few others that I'd like to attend specifically in Seattle, New York and Las Vegas, but alas if I'm putting out these novels on my own and covering all cost of travel alone, then it will be impossible for me to go to them all.

As times go on and my schedule becomes more concrete I will be sure to let everyone know about where I will be. Cause guess what I will have some swag at these conferences to give away. And I will make sure that i's fun and original. Cause everyone can give a way a pen, but me? It will have to be a surprise. A surprise of epic awesomeness that I don't even know what it is yet.

Anyways I can't wait to see what 2014 brings. I'm off to get back to wiring and all that goes with it.

Hello 2014, Farewell 2013

Like everyone else this time of year we all look back at the year that has passed us by far faster than we had expected it to only to look forward for the upcoming year. What will it hold for us? What will we change? What are our new goals that we want to achieve? What do we never want to go through again?

With the changing of the calendar it's time to start anew chapter in our lives. For me I'm making my resolutions and goals obtainable. I'm not going to say that I'm going to lose the 50 pounds I'd like to. No I'm going to start taking steps into making sure that I'm taking better care of myself into a healthier life. That means eating healthier without punishing myself if I want a piece of pie. It also means that it's time I start taking the time to exercise even if I means just going for a walk. I'm also planning on writing as much as I can building a backlog of work while I balance out editing and marketing. I'm also planning on making sure to take time for a personal life, as hard as that is with a day job and starting my writing career as a published author.

2014 is the year that I can say that I'm a published author. As I'm planning on self publishing at least one novel a year. This makes it an obtainable goal on my own. 2014 is where I take a flying leap into making my long term goal of writing a full time writer possible.

Is that long term goal possible to make happen in 2014? Hell to the no. But this year is a hug step closer into making this happen.

While looking forward into the excitement and the hard work that will come in the next year I take a quick glance to last year. I've made so many wonderful author friends that I know I will keep for years to come. All for taking a leap of faith in going to a conference alone. It's a lesson I don't take lightly. Some times that leap of faith pays back in tenfold. I've gained with these women not only friendships, but cheerleaders, teachers, confidants, and inspiration. For that I am grateful for 2013.

I chose to not look upon the negative of 2013 only to learn from what has happened. The big one is to find a balance of work and play. To keep your close friendships going. And for that I let slip in 2013. I'm going to try to not let that happen as much in the next year.

Anyways, I hope you all had a wonderful and safe New Years and have a great 2014 that lay ahead. Even with the ups and it's down, I can't wait to see where it will take me.

Happy New Year!

White Christmas

Last year when I pulled into the long term parking at the airport I got the message that my flight was cancelled with no way out of town until I'd literally would spend 24 hours visiting family. This year I was nervous that the same thing would happen again and I'd end up alone in my apt. Alas the odds were in my favor and not only did I catch my flight but I had my white Christmas. For years it has become a bit of a tradition that I spend my Christmas with my Mother and visiting all my family that live in the Utah area. It's always great catching up with them and seeing just how much there own families have grown.

The Christmas Onezie while sick

Not only was luck in my favor but I got to see my sister and her husband for more than a few minutes as they took off to visit his family out of state not too long after I arrived. That we all got to open presents early together and hang out was one of the best presents I could have gotten. It wasn't until I was there that I realized just how much I needed to be surrounded by my family and extended family. With wild and crazy munchkins running around, with my grand mother watching on as almost all 22 great grand kids run around causing the usual chaos. Four generations in all in one place is amazing.

View from my room in Park City

Minor detail that I had to figh
t off the altitude sickness that last almost as long as I'm there I have to say that it was a pretty awesome time seeing everyone. Even got up to Park City where every year my mother takes me on a tour around her home town telling me about everything and everything. I can practically recite the stories myself, still I let her go on about how that was the rail that she broke her arm on sliding down it. Or that the road that leads to Deer Valley Ski resort used to be the red light district when Park City was a small minor town.

And of course as we drive down Park City Main St in there historic district we drive up to Zoom Restaurant owned by Robert Redford and my mom grins. For this was the house that my mom grew up in for years. It was the old Pacific Rail Road Depot that my Grandfather once worked in as the family lived upstairs. They were the last family before the Depot shut down. There are many memories for my mom and her family here and I love that she still gets excited to tell me stories how she would stomp on the top floor trying to get her fathers attention to help her with something. Or that she noticed that the windows had changed. Or that she used to crawl out the bad window of her room to go play with friends when she had gotten in trouble.

Train Depot turned Restaurant in Park City
 

Overall the trip was well worth going negative in my vacation time. I even got to see my dad as he was about to leave town the day I flew back. Note to self and anyone else: Never take the first flight in and then go directly to work. You will be exhausted and hopped up on so much caffeine that it's probably not the best idea. Awake at 2am and going till late in the night I was anything but productive. Though I did get a good chunk of work done.

I'd planned on getting some writing done while I was visiting my mom and in Park City, alas I didn't even open my laptop. Which in the end was probably a good idea, cause I couldn't even think straight let alone put good words down. Though I did read Tiffany Resiz The Angel while there. Which is an EPIC book. I love that woman's writing. She pushes boundaries with such ease it doesn't feel forced.  I recommend it to everyone who's like 50 Shades of Grey and want a good BDSM novel. I like to call her work Literary Smut. All the great writing of literature with plenty of steamy sex.

Anyways, I hope you all had a great holiday. With the year coming to an end it's time to get the resolutions together along with the goals I'm determined to reach. I can't wait for it to start cause I know it will be a big year for me and I get to share it all with you all. I know you're excited too for all the announcements I will get to make. I know I'm a tease. Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!

Holiday Season

I'm sitting here in a 24 hour Starbucks that I've come to start writing in on weekends and Christmas is right around the corner. This past Holiday Season has been nothing close to normal. My day job only closes for a short amount of time and with all the travel I've done this year I've been without time off for a while now as I try to build up my hours for more travel in the summer months where I will be traveling for writing, which I love, but having to go without pay or in the negative hours to go see family sucks.

With no time off other than the office holiday hours and lack of funds I found myself alone for Thanksgiving. It's not the worst of things to have happened since Thanksgiving hasn't always been a huge holiday for my divided family. Christmas on the other hand has always been more meaningful for my mother, as I've always spent that specific holiday with her, and with my flight being cancelled with no flights till after the holidays  being forced to stay in the city alone this year I didn't want that to happen again. Alas with no vacation time other than a half day on Christmas Eve and the whole day on Christmas flying out to Utah for my white Christmas was looking harder and harder to make happen without breaking the bank.

After weight out the options and costs of everything I came to the conclusion that it would be better if I stay in the city. Not break my wallet for 24 hours or less of seeing family, and just have a holiday at my apartment alone. Then the tears hit. I already knew my boss would let me take as much time off as I wanted with the holidays to see family. He's extremely family oriented and spending time with family is extremely important to him. There isn't away that he would let me miss this out. Which I think made the whole situation all the harder. How can you choose between work and family when no matter what everyone is extremely understanding of whatever decision you make.

I'll let you in on a little secrete, my family is full of criers. I joke with my mom that it's all her fault that I can cry so easily-- happy, sad, mad, frustrated, exhausted -- you name it we will cry. And I HATE crying, especially in public/in front of people.

Anyways back to my story, so each time I started talking about Christmas and that I've decided that I've made up my mind that I'm going to stay in the city. It's the busiest time of the year at my day job, so I have to stay, I would bust out in tears. Not sobbing, just a lump in my throat and a few streaking tears. Not bad, but it kept happening. Then when I had to tell my Mom, who was understanding and was even going to fly out here for her week off, (which she knew she would spend most of it alone since I'd be working), the really sobbing happened. Good thing I was alone when this happened otherwise people would really hate to see me ugly cry. We'd come to the conclusion that I'd talk to my boss one more time and do one more analysis of all the options I had (yea I do this a lot) and talk at the end of the week.

Not surprising I freaked my boss out as the words "I need to go home," and I fought tears back. He kept asking what was happening, was something wrong that he didn't know about, what could he do. Which only made me laugh and cry even more. That's when it hit me, I really needed to go home, which is funny cause I never considered Utah home. My extended family lives there, and my mother since I was 13, and now my sister and her husband have been there for the past couple of years. Some how I had made that place home without knowing it and I needed that freezing white Christmas and warm hugs from my mom and big sister.

I needed to go home. It's crazy just how much all you need is the warmth and refreshing welcome of family, to get away from the stress of every day life. As much as a stay-cation is nice, it's different when  you go to a place where real life can fade away for a while. When I realized this I decided to screw responsibility, I'll take a pay cut or go in the negative for vacation time, I needed to go home. So, with some crazy early flights out of a different airport I found away to not break the bank and limit my vacation time while getting in some quality time with my mother and sister and her husband. Some how I'm making it work and for once I'm not dreading the holidays. The tears are gone and I get a white Christmas.

Here is the moral of the story, find your home, and don't sacrifice things that in the long run don't really matter. Yes a job is important, but more times than not family is more important. Don't let the winter depression or dreaded holidays pull you down. Go do something that means something to you. My work ethic makes me feel bad that I'm missing out on some work, but in the end I'll feel like crap even more if I don't see some of the people that make all the worries of life go away.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season full of happy tears and plenty of joy. I know that even with the stress of traveling out of state, that I will enjoy this Christmas more than I have in a long time. And yes I'm insane taking the first flight out both ways before the sun even comes out to greet the world, but worth it all!

Exploring Essential Oils

In the past I'd talked about some stomach issues that I battle with. In the last three months I've found out about essential oils. Specifically from my sister who uses them with her massage clients. Since my sister, E, her husband, and my cousin have become distributors (no not like drug dealers, get that out of your head) I've really started to dive in to exploring all the uses of essential oils, and I have to say that I'm hooked.

I had done a two months of doTerra's Life Long Vitality pack and while I was waiting for a new shipment to arrive I can tell you that I feel horrible. I knew that the vitamin combo had helped some with my stomach, but I hadn't realized just how much it affected other parts of my life. With out them I can tell you that I felt sluggish. I didn't sleep nearly as well. I was grumpy and my stomach issues have come back with a vengeance.

Let's put it this way, after going almost a month with out these I am now making sure that I will not go with out. Personally I'll take the horse size pills over feeling like crap. Life is stressful enough if these, and so far they have, help with my energy levels on top of keeping the flu bugs that come with winter away I will take them.

The company recommends that you take four of each, but let me tell you that with the size of the pills, I can't do that. Did it once and my stomach felt so full and gross I've changed it up. After talking with E, the athletic trainer and my go to person for all things health and wellness (www.newdawnsports.com) she agreed that it's fine to down the dosage. So, now I take two of each in the morning and at night. That way I have the healthy balance of the essential oils in my system. Which after feeling like hell for a few weeks, I stick to.

I find it amusing that I also now carry a small pack with sample vials of oils that I now use daily on top of my now daily vitamins. I always find it hilarious the looks I get when I pull out a small vial and put some drops of lemon or peppermint, or lavender, or OnGuard into my water or a drop on my wrist. There is still a lot that I want to learn about Essential Oils, and I've decided that you my lovely readers get to learn with me.

Like many women I hate dieting and the gross tasting health foods, but for some reason these essential oils seems less drastic. Maybe cause it's all natural therapeutic grade oils. Maybe it's cause I see the positive changed it's had my families lives. Maybe that's because I can now play apothecary and I'm not restricting myself in what I'm doing. Restricting I find that we all crash and burn harder than if we allow ourselves to partake in the tasty goodness of food that isn't so healthy. So if I can combat most of my sweet cravings (soda the most in exchange for peppermint or some other oils in my water) then I'll do it. Plus I like playing apothecary.

If you want to check out doTerra the company that I use, go a head. My mind was pretty much blown with all the different benefits and uses that these therapeutic oils can be used for. No they aren't a cure. No they don't fix everything. But they have made my life easier, and I don't like to push things on people that I don't or haven't used and enjoyed using.

And thus now end my talk about exploration of essential oils, specifically the Life Long Vitality pack that I am now hooked on. Don't worry it's a good hooked, not the bad kind....I can quit anytime I want. Just like reading, after I finish this one chapter.